Puss in Book: Trapped in an Epic Tale

- - El Gato!

- -

Villains. You think you can beat Puss in Boots?

Honestly? Not really...

I would've run away already but I'm afraid you'll stab me in the butt.

Now, let us see what they have.

Oh.

What is this?

A storybook about me?

This can only be a wonderful thing and in no way menacing.

Okay, maybe a little menacing.

Once upon a time,

a cat was trapped in a book.

Hello?

Where are you?

I am everywhere.

You may call me...

the Storyteller.

Did you say I'm trapped in a book?

Yes. And in this book, I control everything.

Almost.

For I am compelled by eldritch forces beyond my ken

to offer some choices to you.

Choices that affect your destiny.

I am not following you.

It means that sometimes I'm going to let you choose what will happen.

Ah.

And now your first choice.

Choose now:

Will you fight a god, or would that be rather odd?

If so, perhaps you'd rather be in pitched battle with a tree?

Huh?

Are you kidding? Why would I choose to fight a god?

You choose to fight a god? So be it.

What?! Who are you, Storyteller? I must know.

- I must know your true identity. - I'll never tell.

Wait, I have to fight a god? What if I do not want to?

You have no choice.

Huh?

But, Taranis, we are friends!

Taranis will not listen to your lying talk-words.

We fight now, little fox.

Fox? I am clearly a cat.

Taranis apologizes.

Ha.

I have your magic wheel.

Whoa.

Oh, no. Without it, I am powerless.

I know.

Ow!

Curse you, cat-fox.

Curse you!

I am calling that a victory. I cannot be beaten.

Oh, no? You will see, Puss in Boots, that you are at the mercy of my whims.

And the only way to escape from this book

in which you've found yourself so disastrously trapped...

- Yes? - Is...

Yes?

To get to...

the end!

The end?

The end.

I accept your challenge, Storyteller.

So, Puss in Boots, will you with a giant talk,

or will you now be Goldilocks?

How can I possibly make such a difficult decision?

I do not want to wear that wig.

But that giant, he looks somehow familiar.

I'm going to say this very clearly.

- I choose the giant. - Your choice is made.

- Fee, fi, fo, fum! -

I smell a cat and I want some gum.

Toby, why are you a giant?

Who is this Toby?

I am a fearsome giant.

I have stepped on so many people.

Not always on purpose.

Sometimes it's just, like, "oops," and they go "squish"!

Anyway, I want gum!

Fiendish.

This Storyteller uses my own friends to populate his diabolical world.

Apparently, he's too lazy to come up with new characters.

It's not laziness, it's recycling.

I said I want gum!

I am afraid I have no gum, but there may be a peppery-mint in here somewhere.

But I must warn you, things stored in my hat

tend not to remain at the peak of freshness for...

Perhaps the other choice would have been better.

Can we go back?

Yes. I grant you a Goldilocks do-over.

Thank you. But this does not mean we are friends.

Understood.

Hmm.

Ah-ha!

This is the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears .

I have but to go through the events of this story and I will reach the end.

Easy-peasy, ham and cheesy.

Too hot.

Too cold.

Ah. Just right.

Too tall.

Too wide.

Just right.

Oh, no, it broke.

Too hard.

Too soft.

Just right.

Then I go to sleep in this bed

and await the arrival of the adorable family of bears:

Papa Bear, Mama Bear and Baby Bear.

Nothing could be more simpler.

- - Hold it!

You have another choice to make.

Should these bears be friends or foes?

Make your choice and let me know.

This seems like a trick question. Friends...

Did you say "foes"?

I said "friends."

I know. Just kidding.

Your choice is made.

Well, hello, there!

We've got company!

Is that a friend for me to play with?

Howdy there, amigo.

Samuel T. Bearinger.

- My wife, Gladys. She's a peach. - Who's my cuddle bunny?

- Oh, you simply must play with Sam Junior. -

Hello, friend for me to play with.

We gonna play horsey rides.

Do not make me the horsey.

You the horsey!

- Horsey ride! - So, how was traffic?

Oh, not bad. I picked up those acorns you wanted.

That's nice. You know, Madeleine stopped by today.

Is her hip better?

Why are you so interested in Madeleine?

Nothing.

Ah.

Kitty don't wanna play no more?

I think I'd also like to see the angry bears.

What?

- -

Oh, my...

Mmm?

Ah-ha!

Huh?

Ha-ha!

You know, I think I'd also like to see an interpretive dance.

What?

What is this? What are we doing?

I am not even in this.

I kinda like that.

Obviously I am just messing with you.

I'm sorry, was that not clear?

Ugh.

Fine. I will watch their ridiculous dancings.

But this must be just as painful for you as it is for me.

Ugh, you're right. I didn't think this through.

Oh.

This part is actually pretty good.

I like that.

Well, surely that is it.

You'll let me go now. Yes?

What? No. This is a book of stories, plural.

You have to get to the end of all the stories to get out.

- Oh, no. - Oh, yes.

Who are you, villain? I must know.

You will never find out.

I will. And I will escape from your book.

This I swear!

Yes, we'll see about that.

Uh-huh. Here comes another story now.