The Big Fat Quiz of the Year

Hello and welcome to The Big Fat Quiz of 2022,

the quiz that's so big and fat,

it's been described as brave, real and beautiful.

And what a year it's been. We've had a war in Europe,

a cost of living crisis and the death of a queen -

and those were the highlights.

Sadly, the cost of living crisis has affected everyone, which is why

we could only afford these guests. Let's meet them.

First up, it looks like someone called Geek Squad twice.

These two turn the ladies off and then turn them back on again.

It's Steve Merchant and Richard Ayoade.

We're on a two-for-one, you only need to call once.

Next up, she's a rose next to a thorn, or as he'd say,

a WOSE next to a PORN.

It's Wossi and Wose - Jonathan Ross and Rose Matafeo.

Lastly, one's a comedian whose material is all killer.

The other is a comedian whose face is all filler.

It looks like we booked mid-'80s Joan Rivers

and Lord Farquhar from Shrek.

But, no - it's Katherine Ryan and Maisie Adam.

Mid-'80s Joan Rivers, that was a good look.

Lorcl Farquhar I'm fuming about.

Have you got team names? Team names are important.

Well, we realised that we'd been booked, you know, to obviously

fulfil some quotas and our name... Our name reflects that.

Something For The Mums. Oh!

Sure. I like it. Something For The Mums is fantastic.

I love it. I love it. Rose, Jonathan, what have you gone for,

name-wise? We thought about Velvet Surprise.

Velvet Surprise? Velvet Surprise. Velvet Surprise.

"On ITV2 at 9:00 this Sunday."

Maisie, Katherine, why have you got name-wise?

We thought we'd go with a name that sort of reflected

where we've both from.

So we went with - obviously going with Katherine's Canadian roots

and my Yorkshire roots -

we've gone with Maple Gravy.

I absolutely love it.

It genuinely sounds like it might be quite nice.

You'd try it, wouldn't you? A bit of maple gravy. I'd certainly try it.

One of the big social media trends this year was the Crying Lens

on Snapchat, which you hardly needed in 2022, but it made it look as if

you were crying. So just let's just get Richard on the camera.

Let's see if this will work. So there he is.

We can sort of... If you smile...

Could you smile, Richard, for us? Smile. I am smiling.

It's pretty good. All right, let's see Steve Merchant here.

Oh, no.

Now you've seen my sex face.

It's very, very good, isn't it? It's so good. It's great.

The technology just shows how you feel on the inside.

You need this, jimmy, because your face can no longer show emotion,

is that right?

Oh, Rose, you look so beautiful. I look like I'm accepting an award.

Oh, that's bad!

Wow.

That's just... All it's done there is Jonathan before make-up.

OK. Let's take a look at Maisie.

Oh, no!

That's horrible. No... Why...

Why does it make you... I look like Mr Potato Head.

Let's see if it will recognise Katherine as a human face.

Oh, nice! This looks like every Adele video.

It really does, doesn't it?

Jimmy, come on. Oh, yeah, yeah, no, go on, let's see. Oh, Wow. Wow.

You look like Shrek when Shrek went human.

Right. I'm not going to do the whole show crying. Speak for yourself.

Right, let's get on the show.

Our first round is all about the year's big headlines.

Rishi Sunak eventually became Prime Minister.

Rishi warned there may be tough times ahead

and a return to austerity.

Thatcher must be looking up at him and smiling.

Hundreds of thousands of people joined the queue

to pay their respects to The Queen. David Beckham queued for hours,

evidence of his sincere and deep-seated sense of publicity.

And pathological desire for a knighthood.

In 2022, Vladimir Putin set out to wreck the British economy.

But Liz Truss said, "Hold my beer."

All right. OK. This is the headlines questions.

First question of The Big Fat Quiz 2022. Here you go.

In June, the Queen celebrated her Platinum jubilee,

marking 7O years on the throne.

But what was the nickname social media users gave to the event

that went viral?

So what did social media fans sort of nickname the Platinum jubilee?

That photo does make it look like

he's considering pushing her off something, doesn't it?

He's really giving her the side eye. "Go on."

All right. It wouldn't be The Big Fat Quiz without an appearance

from the children of Mitchell Brook Primary School performing

one of their unconventional school plays. Take a look.

Extra, extra. Read all about it.

Rebecca! Rebecca! Coleen! Coleen!

Snap! Snap! Snap!

You are very sneaky.

That's not true. Yes, it is.

Let's find out. Let me see your messages.

I forgot my passwords.

You've always been very naughty. We're not friends any more.

Where's the evidence?

In Davy Jones' locker. Who's that?

Stay still. I'm painting your picture.

I've decided you lose.

What?! You win.

Wow. Very sweet.

What are you writing down? I haven't ask the question yet.

We know what the question is. Yeah.

You know the question and the answer? Yes.

We can read jimmy like an open book.

OK. Um...

That was, of course, the Wagatha Christie trial.

But my question is, during the trial...

Don't escalate the question during it.

You've changed the question, jimmy. I have not changed the question.

The question wasn't going to be, what's going on there?

That's what the question was when we wrote our answer.

Well, I think I think you went off too early again, Jonathan.

OK. So the question is, that was, of course, the Wagatha Christie trial

of the century. During the trial,

Rebekah Vardy said arguing with Coleen Rooney

was like arguing with what?

Oh.

Suddenly we've got you engaged.

You've never taken any interest in this quiz before.

I loved it. We miss it already.

It was like arguing with what?

I don't know. Derogatory. I don't know what it was.

Why don't we say dumb slut?

Just to spice it up again... When in doubt, put dumb slut.

Ancl I think we should have that for the rest of the quiz.

Ancl that's feminism.

Question number three.

In April, former MP Neil Parish resigned after he was caught

looking at pornography in Parliament. What did he claim he was

actually searching for when he stumbled upon the X-rated site?

Dumb sluts.

Dumb sluts does work for that, yeah.

Are you sure that... I'm fairly certain.

If it seems crazy, that's the correct answer. Yeah. I know.

But it's like... Cos he was watching pornography, wasn't he?

He was watching the pornography, yes.

Which is such a weird thing to do in public.

Why are you feeling sort of sexy in the Houses of Parliament? Exactly.

It's not... It's like... It's the... It's the...

They call it the mother of democracy.

It's not like the dirty stepmother of democracy.

Question number four. Channel 5 bucked the trend when broadcasters

filled their schedules with blanket coverage of the Queen's funeral.

All I want to know is, what did Channel 5 show instead?

Oh! So what did Channel 5 show instead of the Queen's funeral?

I love the way you acted like you knew. And then you just went, "No."

Oh, no. "So close."

No... I know it was a thing. It WAS a thing. Yeah. Yeah.

It was a thing. They showed a thing. It was unexpected. Yes! Yeah.

Oh! MAISIE: What were they watching on Channel 5? Oh, yeah!

And finally for this round, it's over to Channel 4 News anchor

Krishnan Guru-Murthy. Hi, jimmy.

Now, I'm no stranger to reporting from outside Parliament and often

hear professional protester Steve Bray putting his speakers

to very effective use. But can your teams tell me what song

Hugh Grant asked Mr Bray to play to sum up his feelings

when Boris Johnson resigned back in July?

Yes, we know this one. I don't know that song. You do?

Right, let's get ready for some answers.

I asked you what nickname was given to the Platinum jubilee.

Did you all get this? You all got this, right?

What would you get, Jonathan? The Plattyjoobs. Plattyjoobs.

Not to be confused with a platypus.

Now this is going to sound like I'm making an off-colourjoke,

but I knew a girl who had a platy-puss.

Is this a limerick? No, she worked for the Natural History Museum,

and she had a stuffed platy-puss at home. Sorry, a stuffed platypus?

Well, it wasn't a live platy-puss, don't be ridiculous.

Did she call it a platy-puss? No... Platypus.

That's what I just said, platy-puss. No, you're saying...

You're separating... Platy-puss. Platypus. just let it roll into

the next... Platypus. But she told me she had a platy-puss.

Platy-puss. I think the most remarkable thing about this story is

not how you mispronounce platy-puss,

but the fact that I knew a woman who had a stuffed one.

OK. Everyone got Plattyjoobs.

What greater tribute to the passing of Her Majesty

than the previous two minutes? What did you put for this?

We tried to write lovely jubbly but we didn't... Lovelyjubbly?

Yeah, I got it wrong.

Yeah. And then I wrote plat du jour. Very nice.

Plattyjoobs. Maisie, Katherine, you got this, right?

We got Plattyjoobs. OK, great.

You saw the children of Mitchell Brook Primary School

acting out the Wagatha Christie trial. I asked you

what Rebekah Vardy said it was like arguing with Coleen Rooney.

What did you get? Richard, Stephen, let's start with you.

We wrote a VAR verdict because we were trying to be a bit...

Apparently that happens in football, I don't know. He honestly didn't

get the reference. Yeah, no, I just heard about it when I was flipping through the channels.

That makes sense because VAR like Vardy. Yeah. VAR, V-A-R.

Oh, yeah, yeah, it works on many levels. Yeah.

It's nothing if not layered. Do you want the other answers?

A dissident state.