Psych

Sir, I do not mean to be rude,

but these are the 23 seconds of peace

that I get during my day.

Once those doors open, I'm on the go

till my head hits the pillow,

and I need this time to check in with myself

and get my head right.

People are counting on me.

And so I ask you, respectfully,

not to intrude on my meditative state.

I was just gonna tell you you got

- some schmutz on your pants. - What?

Yeah, looks like you-- you sat in bird guano.

Man!

Damn it, Guster,

ten minutes early is five minutes late.

Come with me, now!

Yes, sir, Mr. Latrek.

Gus, the phone's ringing.

Gus, the phone is ringing.

Where is that guy?

Hello?

Hello, can you hear me?

You've reached the offices of Psych.

Oh!

Oh, well.

That's on you, phone.

I need you to personally go over

the last few months of daily call reports,

correlate those with the weekly

and monthly territory analyses.

Plus, I want you to rewrite evaluations

for all the high prescribers in the region--

schedules, nuances, peccadilloes of the support staff, et cetera,

so we're all working with the same information for once.

Yes, sir, Mr. Latrek. Can do.

Look, I know you've been with us 14 years

and have something like 111 unclaimed vacation days.

I'd ask someone else to do this crap,

but I saw you first.

Thank you, sir.

Get it to me by the end of the day.

But don't kill yourself.

- Hey! - Aah!

I'm sorry. Did I wake you?

No. I was not asleep.

I was in a deep meditative state.

Look, I just have a question about your motorcycle insurance

so I can pay this bill.

That's ridiculous, I paid my insurance

the day I bought my motorcycle, eight years ago.

Yeah, and this bill's been coming to my place ever since.

Oh, pop, this is one of those scams

that the elderly often fall for.

Shawn, in order to have a license,

you have to keep up your insurance payments.

That's the law.

What, are you joking?

What kind of police state is this?

This is exactly the kind of stuff

that's gonna throw me right off the grid, man!

Off the grid? You're barely on the grid!

I pay for your insurance, Juliet pays for your rent,

and Guster pays for everything else.

Those are bald-faced lies,

and you are a bald-headed liar!

Shawn, there is a thing called a monthly nut.

That's what your friends are out there working for

while you're enjoying hammock time.

What are you trying to say, that I'm a leech?

No, I didn't say that. I may think it.

I may nod when others say it,

but I definitely didn't say it.

Well, good,

because you want to know why?

Things have just been a little tight lately.

Trout didn't hire us,

and the phone hasn't exactly been--

Gus enjoys paying for things.

That's why I let him. 'Cause it makes him feel good.

And Jules never asks me for money ever, so...

What, you just want me to take stock of myself?

I just want to pay this bill.

Well, you don't have to.

I will take care of it myself.

You know why? Because I am a grown-ass man.

I don't know. Are you?

Sorry, Spencer, I cannot help you.

Oh, come on, Lassie, I helped save your wedding.

Just give me one for old time's sake.

No, no, you listen to me.

Trout going 5150 was the stroke of luck I needed

to get me out of those horrible blues

and back onto Homicide,

and I'm not going to jeopardize that

by hiring your slacker ass.

No offense.

Please give me some money!

Can't you just leech it off of Juliet?

She's used to it.

She's in Florida,

visiting her aunt

or someone she's related to.

Besides, I am not a leech.

Right, look, I gotta go. I got a case.

- Great, I'll meet you there. - Oh, no, no, no, no.

You will not, all right?

Besides, it's a suicide.

There's nothing for you to solve.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm sensing that it's not.

You need me, man. You need me ba--

Hello? Was that a fake hang-up?

You doing a bit?

Damn it.

Aw, Sh--

Dude, this is a huge case, finally.

I got it off the police scanner.

Would you please stop pretending to work?

I'm not pretending, Shawn.

The target list from the last few cycles

- got all screwed up-- - Nobody cares

about the words that you're saying!

Lassie needs us!

I'm working for the weekend, Shawn.

What? Gus.

Man, I'll give you 30 minutes.

Ahh.

You rode your motorcycle here?

No.

Damn it.

Which of my big-boy words did you not understand

when I said, "Do not come here"?

I didn't understand any of them.

You're wrong about this.

The murder vibe is strong,

and I am sensing billable hours.

All right, jackass.

You wanna see what a textbook suicide looks like?

Feast your eyes.

Mm. This looks like my place.

- Huh. - Same color palette.

Same fixtures.

I have that sofa, that rug too.

Dude, that's the hutch that I ordered.

Okay, Gus.

Meet the late John Russell. Age 35.

According to his business card, he worked a dead-end job

as a sales rep at some place called

California Coast Insurance.

By all appearances, he lived alone.

Oh, my goodness.

No sign of forced entry. No sign of a struggle.

No sign of a significant other in his life.

Empty pill bottle near his hand.

The brother didn't even have a cat.

Well, I will admit that as far as murders go,

this feels subtle.

Gus.

- Gus? - What?

- You all right up there? - Yes, you are.

Mm-mmm. No.

Who gives a bowling trophy for sixth place?

I got sixth place once.

It's a hard thing to do.

Two, three, four, five other guys

suddenly get hot with the ball,

and there you are-- sixth place.

Does that make me a bad bowler?

Does it?

John Russell.

Russ.

This guy was as average as they come,

a faceless cog who finally realized that life

wasn't gonna get any better, so what's the point?

I think we're safe to call this one a suicide.

No! No!

This was a good man

who lived a rich, proper, and full life.

A man who had it all.

Come here.

Do the thing you do and say it's murder.

Gus, nobody wants this to be a murder

more than I do, but check it out.

Tell them it's murder, Shawn.

- Tell them it's murder. - Aah!

This man was a responsible citizen

of the world, and he did not go out like this.

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind

that I've been murdered.

And by that, obviously I mean,

I've been murdered.

- You said "I've" again. - I know.

Are you sure about that?

Find me a clue, Shawn. Find me a clue now.

Dude, there are no clues.

- And I can't just make stuff up. - That's all you ever do.

I wouldn't say that's all I ever do.

I mean, have a gift of sorts--ow!

- You owe me, Shawn. - Okay, okay, fine, fine.

Hey, everybody, listen up. I have a thing.