Friends

What the hell is that?

What the hell is that? Is that you?

- Boy, you're really not a morning person. - Just back off!

Get up! Get up! Get up!

What is that noise?

You.

It's the chick.

She's going through some changes.

What kind of changes?

Well, the vet seems to think that she's becoming a rooster.

We're getting a second opinion.

Hey, what are you doing shopping at 8 in the morning?

Well, I've been up since 6...

...thanks to somebody's dumb-ass rooster.

You guys, you really should get rid of those animals.

They shouldn't be in an apartment.

Yeah, especially not with all these knives and cookbooks around.

All right, I'm gonna go to the fertility doctor and, uh, see if I'm ready...

...to have Frank and Alice's embryo transferred into my uterus.

Now, how will they know if you're ready?

Oh, they're just gonna look and see if my endometrial layer is thick.

Oh, I can check that for you.

Okay, everyone, think "thick."

Good luck.

Hey. Wish me luck. Hey.

- Oh, good luck. - Good luck.

- And I'm still right. - That is so not true.

What?

She's mad because I know today's her laundry day...

...and that means she's wearing her old-lady underpants.

I can check that for you.

I just can't believe that you think that you and Chandler know me and Rachel...

...better than we know you.

Well, we do.

You can only eat Tic Tacs in even numbers.

Yeah, what's that about?

And you. Ross, I believe if you check Rachel's bag...

...you will find a half-eaten box of cookies in there.

You're good.

These are not.

I'm so not impressed. Everybody snacks when they shop.

- Yeah. Oh, yeah?

Ross, how many items left in that bag?

- Five. - Okay.

Ten bucks says that we can name every item in that bag.

- How many guesses do you get? - Six.

Challenge extended.

- Deal. - Challenge accepted.

All right, we'll start with...

...apples.

We'll be starting with apples.

Stop that now.

Yes.

Okay. Uh, tortilla chips.

- Yogurt. - Diet soda.

Yes, yes, yes.

- Orange juice. - No, there's no orange juice in there.

- We win. - Ha, ha.

They have another guess.

Okay, well, we won that one.

Okay. The last thing is...

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

No, no. Not for, like, another two weeks.

I got it. Scotch...

...tape.

How did you know she would buy Scotch tape?

Well, we used up theirs last night making scary faces.

Oh, man.

All right. Ten bucks. Fork it over.

Cough it up. Pay the piper.

Give me it.

That does not mean you know us better. I want a rematch.

Yeah, and none of these stupid grocery questions. Real personal questions.

Yeah. And the winner gets 100 bucks.

Serious?

Are you scared?

No.

Okay, who makes up the questions?

Ross will do it.

Oh, sure, Ross will do it.

It's not like he has a job or a child or a life of his own.

Well, fine. We'll ask Phoebe.

No, no, no, I wanna play.

Looks like your uterus is ready for implantation.

Oh, I knew it. I knew it. I felt really thick this morning.

- Ha, ha. - Okay, so, what's now?

Go get the eggs. Put them in there.

Okay. It'll take just a little while to prepare the embryos.

- Embryos? As in more than one? - Mm-hm. Five, actually.

Five? Okay, where am I giving birth...

...in a hospital or a big box under the stairs?

Ha, ha. We do five because that gives you a 25-percent chance...

...that at least one will attach.

That's it? Twenty-five percent?

That means that it's, like, 75-percent chance of no baby at all?

Yeah, you know, I was thinking, what are the odds...

...if, like, you stuff, like, 200 of them in there?

Sweetie, now...

...she's a woman, not a gumball machine.

Okay, well, you know what? Don't worry.

I'm gonna do this as many times as it takes to get it right.

Well, see, the thing is, we kind of only have one shot.

Um, it costs $16,000 each time you do this.

So, um, we're kind of using all the money we have to do it just this one time.

Whoa.

That's... Okay, that's a lot of pressure on me and my uterus.

So... Well, okay.

So maybe there's something that I can do, you know, just to make sure I get pregnant.

No, I'm sorry.

Wow, you guys really don't know anything.

I know. Why doesn't she get drunk?

That worked for a bunch of girls in my high school.

Hey, guys. Do you realize that any minute now...

...Phoebe could be pregnant?

I know, I know.

- It's such a huge, life-altering thing. - I know.

The test is ready.

Okay. Each team will answer 10 questions.

The first team to answer the most questions wins.

The categories are "Fears And Pet Peeves"...

..."Ancient History"...

..."Literature"...

...and "It's All Relative."

Now, the coin toss, to see who goes first.

Okay.

- Somebody call it this time. - Yeah.

Tails.

- It's heads. Yeah!

Gentlemen, pick your category.

"Fears And Pet Peeves."

"What is Monica's biggest pet peeve?"

- Animals dressed as humans. - That's correct.

- Ladies? - Same category.

Okay.

"According to Chandler, what phenomenon scares the bejesus out of him?"

Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance.

That is correct.

The Irish jig guy?

His legs flail about as if independent from his body.

Gentlemen, your pick.

"It's All Relative."

"Monica and I had a grandmother who died.

You both went to her funeral.

Name that grandmother."

- Nana? - She has a real name.

- Althea. - Althea?

- What are you doing? - Took a shot.

Shooting with Althea?

- Althea is correct. - Nice shooting.

We'll take "Literature."

"Every week, the TV Guide comes to Chandler and Joey's apartment.

What name appears on the address label?"

Oh! Chandler gets it. It's Chandler Bing.

No.

I'm afraid the TV Guide comes to "Chanandler Bong."

I knew that.

Rachel, use your head.

Actually, it's Miss Chanandler Bong.

Hello, teeny embryos.

Oh, I'm Phoebe Buffay. Hi.

I'm hoping to be your uterus for the next nine months.

You should know that we're doing this for Frank and Alice...

...who you know. You've been there.

Um...

You know, they want you so much.

So when you guys get in there, really grab on.

Okay, and I promise that I'll keep you safe and warm...

...until, you know, you're ready to have them take you home.

So...

Okay.

Oh, and also, next time you see me, if I'm screaming, don't worry.

That's what's supposed to happen.

- Ready? - Uh-huh?

Good luck.

All right, the score is nine to eight in favor of the guys.

Ladies, if you miss this, the game is theirs. Pick your category.

"It's All Relative"!

- You don't have to shout everything. - I'm sorry!

Ooh. "What is the name of Chandler's father's...

...Las Vegas all-male burlesque?"

Viva Las Gaygas.

Unfortunately, that is correct.

Yes.

All right. We have a tie.

Luckily, I've prepared for such an event.

- The Lightning Round. Ooh.

Thirty seconds. All the questions you can answer.

You guys are dead.

I am so good at Lightning Rounds.

I majored in Lightning Rounds, all right?

- We're gonna destroy you. - Want to bet?

Oh, I'm so confused as to what we've been doing so far.

How about we play for more money? Say 150?