Swiped

LOOK, IT'S AS SIMPLE AS THIS,

IF YOU'RE NOT DISRUPTING,

YOU'RE NOT INNOVATING.

YOU HAVEN'T SAID A WORD

IN TWO HOURS.

OH, SORRY,

I WAS WATCHING SIMON LANG.

I--

SIMON LANG?

WHEN ARE YOU GONNA INTERACT

WITH REAL PEOPLE

WHO ARE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU?

YOU KNOW, THE GREAT THING

ABOUT COLLEGE IS

IT'S THE OPPORTUNITY

TO MAKE FRIENDSHIPS

THAT LAST A LIFETIME.

DO YOU KNOW WHO

YOUR ROOMMATE'S GONNA BE?

A GUY NAMED LANCE BLACK.

I BET HE'S LOVELY.

DID YOU CALL

TO INTRODUCE YOURSELF?

I DID, I DID.

I LEFT HIM A VOICEMAIL.

NEVER CALLED BACK.

WELL, DID YOU SOUND

LIKE A NERD?

SORRY.

SOUNDED LIKE MYSELF.

YEAH, THAT'S WHY

HE DIDN'T CALL BACK.

OH, ASHLEY.

GUYS, PLEASE.

ENTREZ-NOUS.

OKAY.

HERE WE GO.

OH, IT'S, UM...

IT'S A LITTLE SMALLER

THAN IT LOOKED IN THE BROCHURE.

I THINK IT'S BIG ENOUGH

FOR TWO PEOPLE.

WHAT IF YOU WANT

TO HAVE FRIENDS OVER?

LET'S GET REAL, MOM.

THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

JAMES, PLEASE DON'T

LET THE COMPUTER BE

YOUR ONLY FRIEND.

IT'S NOT.

IT'S HOPELESS.

OKAY.

ONE DAY,

I WILL CODE AN APP

THAT WILL REALLY

MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

JAMES, I KNOW IT'S

NOT PRINCETON OR M.I.T.

NO, MOM, DON'T DO THAT.

IT'S OKAY.

I JUST REALLY HOPE

MY ROOMMATE'S, LIKE,

AT LEAST A LITTLE SMART.

MOM, LET'S GO.

I'VE GOT A PARTY

TO GET TO TONIGHT.

OKAY.

AAH.

THIS IS WHERE I LEAVE YOU.

OOH, I LOVE YOU,

I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU.

OKAY, JAMES... HAVE FUN.

BYE, JAMES.

BE GOOD.

NO, DON'T BE GOOD.

BE ROTTEN,

BUT EAT GOOD,

AND HAVE FUN, AND--

MOM, LET'S GO.

I'M SURE YOUR ROOMMATE

WILL BE LOVELY.

OH.

HI.

YOU MUST BE LANCE.

YEAH. YOU MUST BE

MY SOON-TO-BE-TRANSFERRED-

TO-ANOTHER-COLLEGE ROOMMATE.

OH, OKAY.

UM...

SO THIS IS YOUR SIDE

OF THE ROOM.

I HAVE LEFT IT

COMPLETELY UNTOUCHED.

DO YOU NEED HELP

BRINGING ANYTHING IN?

NO, I GOT IT COVERED.

THANKS, THOUGH.

HEY, DO YOU WANT TO GRAB

SOMETHING TO EAT?

ACTUALLY, YEAH,

AS A MATTER OF FACT, I DO.

YEAH.

OKAY, COOL.

I'LL SEE YOU, MAN.

UH, OKAY, NO, YEAH.

THAT'S-- THAT'S COOL.

I HAVE SOMETHING TO DO.

I WAS GONNA FINISH UP

ON SOME WORK THAT I WAS DOING,

SO MAYBE WE COULD CHAT ABOUT IT

LATER OVER SOME CHAI TEA,

OR... OKAY.

HERE YOU GO, MAN.

HAVE A NICE NIGHT.

ORDER NUMBER SEVEN

IS READY!

GOD, I JUST WANT TO KISS YOU.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOUR NAME.

OH, IT'S-- UH, IT'S ROB.

ROB.

WHAT'S YOUR LAST NAME, ROB?

WHY DO YOU NEED SO MUCH

INFORMATION?

YOUR LAST NAME IS

"SO MUCH INFORMATION"?

WELL, YEAH.

LOOK, YOU SEE THIS?

WHAT? IT'S A PHONE.

NO, NO, NO,

IT'S NOT A PHONE.

THIS IS A 24/7 PORTAL

TO ALL THE SEX THAT

I COULD EVER DREAM ABOUT.

ALL I HAVE TO DO IS CLICK.

SO...?

SO, I MEAN,

YOU'RE OBSOLETE.

OKAY, LIKE, I'M NOT GONNA TELL

YOU WHAT MY LAST NAME IS,

AND I'M NOT GONNA TELL YOU

WHERE I'M FROM

OR WHERE I GO TO SCHOOL

OR WHAT I DO AT SCHOOL, OKAY?

AND YOU KNOW

WHAT THE BEST PART IS?

I DON'T HAVE TO, OKAY?

HEY, HEY, WESLEY, MAN.

WAIT UP, MAN.

WESLEY.

HE WAS CUTE.

I GUESS.

WHY'D HE LEAVE?

HE WOULDN'T EVEN TELL ME

HIS LAST NAME.

SO?

SO I'M GOING HOME.

HEY, WAIT.

MIND IF I HOOK UP WITH HIM?

WHATEVER, RACHEL.

HEY, WAIT UP.

I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR NAME IS,

FIRST OR LAST.

HANNAH?

YOU GO TO SCHOOL HERE?

YEP.

ME, TOO.

OKAY, COOL.

I MEAN, I HAVEN'T

SEEN YOU SINCE--