Happiness

Andy?

Are you okay?

Yes.

Sure. I'm fine.

Good.

Well, I had a really nice time.

Yeah. Me, too.

Of course, you know I've always had a really nice time with you.

Same here.

But...

Yeah?

- You understand? - Uh-huh.

Well, the food here was excellent.

I'm gonna recommend it to my sisters.

How many stars did it get?

Three and a half.

Do you feel better now?

- Me, too. - Sorry.

It's really... It's good we had this talk.

Yeah.

Before things went too far, you know?

- Got too serious. - Yeah.

- Are you sure? - Oh, yes.

Is it someone else?

No. It's just you.

Hey, I want to show you something I got you.

- For me? - Here, open it up.

But, Andy...

This is...

Oh, this is beautiful.

Thanks.

It's a Gainsevoort reproduction.

Boston, late 188O's.

I sent away for it right after we had our...

...first date.

Oh, I just love it. It's...

It's a collector's item.

Yeah.

It is pretty special.

It almost makes me want to learn how to smoke.

Hey, look at the back.

That's a forty-karat, gold plated,

inlaid base.

Oh, Andy, I just love it. It's...

this really means something to me.

I'll always treasure it as... a token.

No you won't.

'Cause this is for the girl who loves me.

The girl who cares about me, for who I am.

Not what I look like.

I just wanted you to know what you'd be missing.

You think I don't appreciate art.

You think I don't understand fashion.

You think I'm not hip.

You think I'm pathetic.

A nerd.

A lard-ass fatso.

You think I'm shit.

Well, you're wrong.

'Cause I'm champagne.

And you're shit!

And till the day you die...

you...

not me...

will always be shit.

I dunno...

but whenever I see her, I just wanna...

you know, I wanna...

undress her...

I wanna tie her up.

I wanna pump her...

pump, pump, pump,

till she screams bloody murder.

And then I wanna...

flip her ass over and pump her even more.

And so hard that my dick shoots right through her.

And that my...

come squirts out her mouth.

And not that I could ever...

...actually do that.

See...

if she only knew how I felt.

Deep down I really cared for her...

respected her...

she would love me back.

Maybe.

Oh, she doesn't even know I exist.

I mean, she knows I exist...

I mean we are neighbors, you know, we...

you know, smile politely at each other, but...

I don't know if I could ever really begin to talk to her,

I mean, what could I talk about?

I have nothing to talk about, I'm boring.

That I know.

I've been told before, so don't tell me it's not true.

'Cause it's a fact. I bore people.

People look at me and they get bored.

People listen to me and they zone out...

...bored. Who is that boring person?

They think...

"I have never before met anyone so boring."

And for her to see how boring I am...

A gallon of skim milk.

A dozen eggs...

...one of those disposable cameras for the weekend.

Stop at the 7-11 on the way home...

I got to get the dry cleaning, for Trish.

I've got to check Billy's homework...

and call Mrs. Mitchell about her appointment on Tuesday...

reschedule the dentist.

But do you know what I'm gonna do?

I gotta get the dog cleaned...

The next time I see her...

as soon as I see her...

I'm just gonna tell her...

I'm gonna tell her that I, uh...

find her...

...attractive.

Good evening, Miss Jordan.

How, how's it going?

Okay.

- See ya. - Yeah.

I'm gonna fuck you so hard,

you'll be coming out of your ears.

Fuck you...

Yeah?

No, fuck you.

I'll fuck you. I'll fuck you...

...really hard.

So hard you won't even...

Hello?

Hello, is this Claire?

Who is this?

Die, Aunt Joy! Die!

- Timmy! - It's okay, Trish.

He's just going through a phase. Leave him alone.

- I know, but... - It's okay. I'm strong enough.

I blame it on cartoons,

they are so full of violence.

What's with the people that are making cartoons.

That's what you have to... Joy?

Joy, what's the matter?

I don't know what it is, but I feel there's so much...

hostility directed at me.

Honey, did another guy dump you?

No, l...

I just feel terrible.

Aww, Sweetie. Timmy didn't mean it.

I know, I know. I'm sorry, I just...

I'm overworked, that's all.

It's okay.

It's okay, 'cause now maybe you'll listen to me.

What?

- You have got to eat red meat. - Oh, Trish.

I knew that's how you'd react, but I'm telling you, it's true.

I've been watching you.

My doctor says just once a month.

I know.

Really. It's the best thing for the skin.

- It'll clear it right up. - What's wrong with my skin?

Well it's fine now, but...

in another few years...

Please, Joy.

You know I'm just speaking to you for your own good.

I know. I know. Thanks.

- I'm so happy. - You are?

Yeah. I mean being around you and the kids

and you know, Kooki.

- You really are? - Yeah.

Oh, honey, I'm so happy you're happy.

'Cause all this time I've been thinking you were so miserable.

Oh, Trish. That's too funny, when I couldn't be happier.

You know, it's just with your music career...

Oh, my career's fine.

Oh, I know. I know, it will be. I just know it.

And then you'll move out of mom and dad's.

- Real soon. - And you'll meet Mr. Right.

Oh, I will.

Already I feel I'm off to a fresh start.

That's right. Just because you hit thirty

doesn't mean you can't be fresh anymore.

You know Joy, I've never told you this before...

but now that we're older, and...

I feel so bonded to you.

Well, the truth is...

I know this is gonna sound horrible...

but I feel I have to be open with you,

and get beyond all the barriers,

and the sibling nonsense.

The truth is I always thought you'd never amount to much.

That you would end up alone, without a career.

It's what we all thought.

Mom, Dad, Helen...

...everyone.

I always prayed we'd all be wrong, but,

somehow you always seemed so doomed to failure.

But now I see that's not true.

There's a glimmer of hope for you after all.

I'm sorry, I'm repeating myself.

I'm just really happy for you.