Young Mr. Lincoln

I tell you that Andrew Jackson,

that great volcano at Washington,

is belching forth a lava of political corruption

which is sweeping over the length and breadth of this land,

leaving unscathed no green spot, no living thing.

Sangamon County, take warning.

Send me, John T. Stuart, back to the legislature,

and I'll see that every Jackson man in office is whipped out of the place

like a dog out of a meat house!

And now, my friends,

I bow to one of your own citizens of New Salem

who will address you further

on behalf of the great and incorruptible Whig Party,

God bless it.

Gentlemen and fellow citizens,

I presume you all know who I am.

I'm plain Abraham Lincoln.

I've been solicited by many friends

to become a candidate for the legislature.

My politics are short and sweet

like the old woman's dance.

I'm in favor of a national bank,

of the internal improvement system,

and high protective tariff.

These are my sentiments and political principles.

If elected, I shall be thankful.

If not,

it'll be all the same.

Hey, Abe!

Somebody wants to do business with you.

- Howdy, ma'am. Howdy. - Howdy.

- How you been making out? - Right good.

We ain't hit the hard places yet.

- Won't you get down and rest yourself? - Well, thank you.

We was aimin' to stretch a bit.

My old woman figured on gettin' some flannel for shirts.

- I reckon that could be arranged. - Yeah, but...

we ain't got any money.

Well, you can send it to me.

We don't aim to ask for no credit.

If it'll ease your mind any, ma'am, the whole shebang here's worked on credit.

That's right, Abe.

Berry and me never put up a penny to start with.

From the way things look we never will.

Well, there's an old barrel in the wagon that might be worth 50 cents to some folks.

Of course, there ain't much in it.

Just some old things laying around the house,

along with some books that belonged to my grandpappy.

- Books? - Yeah, in the last barrel.

Books.

Well, you folks go in the store and help yourself.

I'll go on back and get the barrel.

Blackstone's Commentaries.

That's law.

Law. I knew that book was about somethin'.

Hardly a thumb mark on it either.

No, sir. We took mighty good care of it.

Reckon you can read it, sir?

I expect I could make head or tails out of it, if I set my mind to it.

Law.

Law.

That's the rights of persons and the rights of things.

The rights of life, reputation and liberty.

The rights to acquire and hold property.

"Wrongs are violations of those rights."

By jing, that's all there is to it.

Right and wrong.

Maybe I ought to begin to take this up serious.

Hello, Mr. Lincoln.

- Abe. - Well, hello, Ann.

Give me a minute to try and untangle myself.

Aren't you afraid you'll put your eyes out reading like that upside-down?

Trouble is, Ann, when I'm standin' up my mind's lyin' down.

When I'm lyin' down, my mind's standin' up.

Of course, allowin' I got a mind.

You've a wonderful mind, Abe, and you know it.

River's sure pretty today, ain't it?

You think a lot about things, don't you?

Well, my brain gets to itchin' inside sometimes, I gotta scratch it.

Father says you've a real head on your shoulders,

and a way with people too.

He says it's not all just making them laugh.

They remember what you say because it's got sense to it.

Mr. Rutledge is a mighty fine man, Ann,

but if you ask me,

I'm more like the old horse the fella's tryin' to sell.

Sound of skin and skeleton and free from faults and faculties.

I know how smart you are.

How ambitious you are too.

- Ambitious? - You are, deep down underneath.

Even if you won't admit it.

Gotta have education these days to get anywhere.

I never went to school so much as a year in my whole life.

Oh, but you've educated yourself.

You've read poetry and Shakespeare and -

and now law.

I just had my heart set on your going over to Jacksonville to college

when I go to the seminary there and -.

You're mighty pretty, Ann.

Some folks I know don't like red hair.

I do.

Do you, Abe?

I love red hair.

Pretty, aren't they?

Got 'em up at Bowling Green's place.

You never saw anything like 'em in your life,

sittin' there in the snow like scared rabbits.

Bet the woods are full of 'em too.

Snow's nice, ain't it, the way it's driftin'.

Ice is breakin' up.

It's comin' in to spring.

Well, Ann, I'm still up a tree.

Just can't seem to make up my mind what to do.

Maybe I ought to go into the law, take my chances.

I admit, I got kinda a taste

for somethin' different than this in my mouth.

Still, I don't know.

I'd feel such a fool,

settin' myself up as a-knowin' so much.

Course, I know what you'd say.

I've been hearin' it every day, over and over again.

"Go on, Abe. Make somethin' of yourself.

You got friends. Show 'em what you got in ya."

Oh, yes, I know what you'd say.

But I don't know.

Ann, I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll let this stick decide.

If it falls back toward me, then I stay here, as I always have.

If it falls forward towards you then it's -.

Well, it's the law.

Here goes, Ann.

Well, Ann, you win.

It's the law.

Wonder if I could've tipped it your way just a little.

Hello, Abe. What are you doin' in Springfield?

Figurin' on settin' myself up as a lawyer.

- What do you know about law, Abe? - Not enough to hurt me.

You did, durn ya! You did!

- That's a lie! - I can prove it, I tell ya!

- Then go ahead! - I got the law on my side!

I'll show ya, y-you - you durned thief!

Ah, gentlemen, just hold your horses and sit down.

Now, Brother Woolridge?

Yes, sir?

Brother Hawthorne here says you agreed to furnish him two yokes of oxen

to break up 20 acres of prairie sod ground.

He did such.

And that were to allow him to raise a crop of corn on another piece of land.

That's right. But he never done one thing he promised. Not one!

He claims further that when he talked to you about these promises

you did strike, beat and knock him down

pluck, pull and tear large quantities of hair from his head

and that with stick or fists you did strike him many blows

on or about the face, head, breast, back, shoulders, hips...

and diverse other parts of the body

and with violence did push, thrust and gouge your fingers in his eyes.

Yeah. I got witnesses to prove it.

And for that he demands $250 damages.

Yes, I do.

Well, Brother Woolridge, what you got to say to that?

You forgot to put in there about me whoppin' him with a neck yoke.

Now, it says here, Brother Hawthorne,

that you owe Brother Woolridge $55.47 board

at the rate of a dollar and a half a week.

You owe him $90 for use of a team and wagon for eight months

besides $100 cash on a loan.

- Yeah. - Well, I never said I didn't.

Well, I ain't no lightnin' calculator,

but accordin' to my figurin',

you owe him 245 dollars

and 47 cents.

You're askin' $250 damages.

Now, my idea's to split the difference

of $4.53

which, by a strange coincidence,

happens to be exactly the amount of my legal fee.

And the whole thing's settled.

Well, what do you say?

- I won't do it! - Me either!

I'll go to law first.

Gentlemen,

did you ever hear about the time in the Black Hawk War when I...

butted two fellas' heads together

and busted both of 'em?

Well, I'm willin' if he is.

'Tain't fair, but I'll do it just to be shut of him.

Thanks, gentlemen.

Well, that's gonna save us all a heap of legal trouble

and headaches.

Well, if you'd just give me my and Stuart's share,

I'll mosey along over and see the parade.

It's gonna be a heap of yellin' and carryin' on.

It's gonna be quite a pleasure to listen to after this.

Yessiree, Bob.

Yessiree, Bob.

- -

Hay foot, straw foot!

Hay foot, straw foot! Hay foot, straw foot!

Hay foot, straw foot! Hay foot, straw foot!