Friends

- Hey, guys, guess what. - What?

I know it's last minute, but we've decided to have a Halloween party.

- Oh, good! - Great!

- And everybody has to wear costumes. - Oh, I don't know...

Come on, it'll be fun.

Uh, I'll be there. I have to wear a costume to my classes that day anyway.

Tell me you're not gonna dress like a dinosaur.

Pfft, heh.

Not two years in a row.

- I'll come, but I'm not dressing up. - You have to.

No. Halloween is stupid. Dressing up, pretending to be someone you're not.

You're an actor.

Ross, are you gonna bring Mona?

- Yeah. Yeah, I will. - The girl from their wedding?

- Yeah. - Wow, hey.

If she needs any ideas for costumes, she could be a, uh, bikini model...

...or a slutty nurse, or a sexy cheerleader.

Or, ooh, ooh. Leatherface from Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

No, no, no! Slutty Leatherface.

Wasn't Joey hitting on her at the wedding too?

That's right, he was hitting on her.

And I got her. I guess the better man won. Heh.

Please don't take her from me.

- Ursula! - Oh. Heh.

Wait. It's me, Phoebe.

Oh, I thought there was a mirror there. Okay. Bye.

Wait a second!

Um, so, what's new with you?

Um, nothing. I mean, I'm getting married next week.

- What? - Yeah, yeah.

It's gonna be a small ceremony. Just family.

His.

Huh.

Okay.

I'm really happy for you.

Wait. If, um... If you want to come, I guess that'd be okay.

- Really? - Sure, why not?

You could be my "sister" for the day.

Yeah, heh, okay.

Um, you know, my friends are having a Halloween party tonight...

...at my old apartment, so you could come.

Maybe I could meet the guy you're marrying.

Well, I'm supposed to be working tonight.

I'm supposed to be working now, so who cares!

- By the way, it's a costume party. - Oh, okay, so that's why you're...

No.

But thanks.

- Hi. - You're supposed to wear a costume.

I am. I am a woman...

...who spent a lot of money on a dress and she wants to wear it...

...because soon she won't be able to fit into it.

- Oh. I'm Catwoman. - Ah.

Who wants the dress when you're too big for it.

Okay.

Trick or treat! - Oh! Can I give out candy?

I really want to be with kids.

Ever since I got pregnant, I have the strongest maternal instincts.

Trick or treat! - Just a minute!

We... Aah! Look at you guys!

- Wow! You are a very scary witch. - Thank you.

- And you are a very funny clown. - Thank you.

And you...

...are so in style right now.

You know, I work at Ralph Lauren.

The whole fall line has got this equestrian theme going on.

- Did you see the cover of Vogue...? - Could I just have the candy?

Yeah. Sure.

Ah, Catwoman. So we meet again.

So we do, Supergirl.

It's me, Phoebe.

Monica, can I talk to you for a second?

Listen, I appreciate you getting the costume.

Oh, you did this to him?

What? I thought he'd love it.

His favorite book was The Velveteen Rabbit.

The Velveteen Rabbit was brown and white.

It was either a pink bunny, or no bunny at all.

No bunny at all. Always no bunny at all!

- Hey. - You didn't dress up either?

Yes, I did. I'm Chandler.

Dude, what happened?

- How is that me? - Okay, ahem.

I'm Chandler.

- Ha, ha! That is so you! - Ha-ha-ha.

- When have I ever done that? - When have I ever done that?

Trick or treat. - Oh!

Oh, you're just the prettiest ballerina ever I've ever seen.

Thank you.

Oh, wow. That deserves another candy.

- Thank you. - Ha-ha-ha.

I have to say, that earns "two-two" pieces of candy.

I love you!

Oh! Aw...

Oh, honey, here, take it all.

Monica? We need more candy.

- What? There's only been four kids. - I know.

But one said she loved me, so I gave her everything.

No wonder you're pregnant.

- Hey. - Hey.

- What are you supposed to be? - Remember the Russian satellite, Sputnik?

Well, I'm a potato. Or a "spud"...

...and these are my antenna.

So Sputnik becomes?

Spud-nik! Spud-nik.

Wow, I don't have the worst costume anymore.

Hey, all right! Ross came as doodie.

- No, I'm not doodie. - No, space-doodie.

- God! - Hey, sweetie.

- Aren't you gonna give me a kiss? - Okay, I will.

But right after, you have to tell me who you are.

- Ursula? - Ursula's fiancé?

- Oh, my God. You're the sister. - Yeah.

- I just slapped my future sister-in-law's ass. - Yeah.

I'm an idiot. Is your mother here? I could give her a slap on the butt.

- My mother killed herself. - See, and I knew that.

Now I'm sweating.

I'm really sweating. Now I'm saying look at me, I'm even sweatier. I should go.

No. We'll start over.

- Hi, I'm Phoebe. - Eric.

- Why are you looking at me like that? - The sweat's in my eyes.

- It's burning. - Okay.

- Thank you. - There.

- So, what are you? - I don't think they have a name for it.

I get nervous, and I sweat like crazy.

- No, I meant your costume. - Oh, um, I'm a solar system.

My student's helped me. I teach second grade.

- I love the second grade. - Really?

It's better than first grade, where you don't know what's going on.

And definitely better than third grade.

You know, with all the politics and the mind games.

- So, what do you do? - I'm a masseuse, by day.

- You don't have to stand here with me. - I'm having fun.

- I'm really excited for you and Ursula. - I feel very lucky. She's great.

- She's the most beautiful woman ever. - Thank you.

- Hey, Joey? - Yeah?

- You read comic books, right? - Exclusively.

Who do you think would win in a fight, Catwoman or Supergirl?

- Catwoman, hands down. - Yeah.

Between you and Phoebe? I'd give the edge to Phoebe.

- What? Really? - You kidding?

Phoebe lived on the street, okay? Plus, she's got this crazy temper. She...

She's not right behind me, is she?

- No, you're fine. - Okay.

- Do you think I could take Rachel? - I'm not sure.

What? Come on, I am tough!

Punch me here, as hard as you can!

Relax. What are you taking this so seriously for? It doesn't matter.

Really? What would you say if I told you Ross or Chandler could beat you up?

I would say, "Woman, please."

Hey, Ursula's fiancé is really sweet.

He's a teacher, he does volunteer work.

Normally, I don't like sweaty guys. But I could just mop him up.

- Oh, my God, Phoebe? - What?

You're getting a crush on your sister's fiancé.

No, I'm not, you are!

Here comes the temper.

- Trick or treat. - Hi.

Hi. Know what? We're out of candy. But someone went to get some.

And I've been giving out money, but I'm out of that too.

- Can I write you a check? - Okay.

- Okay. What's your name? - Lelani Mayolanofavich.

Okay, I'm just gonna write this out to "cash."

- Hi. - Hi, Mona.

- Oh, hey. - Hi.

Joey's gonna be thrilled. He was hoping you'd come by as a slutty nurse.

Um, actually, I'm just a nurse.

You'd think that would embarrass me, but, you see, I'm maxed out.

- Hey, you made it. - Hi! Wait.

- You're, um... You're a potato? - Well, I'm a spud?

And the antenna...

- Oh, my God, you're Spud-nik! - Yes!

Marry her.