BoJack Horseman

We're very different, but I think that we bring out

the best in each other.

It's like you're chocolate and I'm Mr. Peanutbutter.

Shut up and kiss me, you silly goof.

- Cut! -

Welcome back to Excess Hollywoo.

I'm A Ryan Seacrest Type, and I'm visiting the set

of Mr. Peanutbutter's Hollywoo Heist.

I'm thrilled to be talking to the star of the film,

BoJack Horseman, and his real life inspiration,

Mr. Peanutbutter.

Am I an inspiration?

Well, that depends on how you define...

- Wait a minute. Yes, I am. - Ugh.

You know, I'm just over the moon to be producing

this movie about my daring exploit.

- Yes, your daring exploit. - Yes.

It's such a treat to be shooting in my very own casa.

And it's an even sweeter treat to be played by my good amigo...

dare I say best amigo?

- You "daren't." - We're so in tune.

We even finish each other's...

sentences.

Sometimes it doesn't happen.

- It never... - Happens.

Ah, see? I'm inside him.

BoJack, you haven't worked in quite some time.

In fact, I thought you were dead.

You must be so grateful to be working again and also alive,

which, again, I thought you were not.

How did you get involved with this?

Well...

You want me to play Mr. Peanutbutter

in the story he stole from me?

I stole the D,

and then he stole my stealing of it.

That makes him an idea thief, which is much less cool

than a thief thief, which is what I am

and what he also is.

You know what might help?

If you think about this like a professional

instead of a big titty baby.

This movie is a huge opportunity.

Quentin Tarantulino is known for revitalizing dead careers.

This could do for you what Reservoir Dogs

did for Rin Tin Tin.

But isn't there any other part?

I could play myself.

No, BoJack's already being played by Wallace Shawn.

What? The short guy from The Princess Bride

who says "inconceivable"?

- Why Wallace Shawn? - BoJack Horseman?

I don't want to play that boob.

I'm trying to help you out, Wally.

You're the one who keeps buying expensive Rothkos.

I have a disease.

Would you tell an alcoholic to stop buying alcohol?

You know, Black and Blue Number 7's

going up for auction next week.

Fine. I'll do the dumb movie.

Fine. I'll do the dumb movie.

But if you find me in a bathtub with open wrists tomorrow

and the words "I hate my agent" smeared across the walls

in blood, you'll know why.

So obviously I'm thrilled to be here, just thrilled.

Cast and crew only.

I know you're just doing your job,

but I live here, and the crew has been here since 3:00 a.m.,

so I'm a little tired.

Cast and crew only.

Hey, stranger.

Haven't really seen you since the wedding.

Kind of feels like we're coming back to school

- after summer vacation. - Yeah.

I'll see you at the pep rally.

Hope we don't get Mrs. Kirkman for trig this year.

Yeah, well, I hope the cheerleaders don't stuff me

in a locker and write "virgin slut" on my forehead,

and then when I ask how I could be both a virgin

and a slut, they make me eat a lipstick.

Uh...

So what have you been up to these last couple months?

Well, I've been pretty busy. Met a girl at Soho House.

- Was she your waitress? - Yes.

Then I met a girl at Mastro's.

- Was she also your waitress? - Yes.

Then I met a girl at P.F. Chang's.

Let me guess. She was your...

A hooker, yes, but what she really wants to do

- is wait tables. -

Well, I, for one, would love to meet

the aspiring food-service worker

who finally gets you to settle down.

What? Why would I want to settle down?

I'm 50.

- Yeah, anyway... - So I'm sending the first draft

of the book to Pinky this afternoon.

- What? It's done? - Not yet. Almost.

I'm excited for you to read it,

but I'm also cripplingly nervous.

I actually kind of feel like throwing up,

but I can't throw up because I haven't had anything to eat

because this lady won't let me in my own kitchen.

Cast and crew only.

Listen, if reading a book you wrote is anywhere near

as great as it is to actually spend time with you,

I'm sure it's gonna be wonderful.

Having said that, what do I know about books?

I'm just a dumb actor.

I'm here with Hollywoo darling Naomi Watts.

Tell me, what attracted you to the role of Diane?

I just keep getting pigeonholed

as these complex characters in highly acclaimed movies.

For once, I would just love to phone it in

and play a two-dimensional girl in a rom com

with no inner life of her own.

That's kind of the reason I got into this business.

Ha ha! You said words.

Now, is it true you stay in character between takes?

Oh, we all do. The director insists upon it.

He even has everyone calling me Diane

to help me get in the headspace.

It's been great.

Diane, looking good.

- Um, thanks. - Ugh, not you.

I was talking to Diane.

Oh, thank you.

Now, where's my peanut butter?

Right over here, Q.

No, I'm looking for peanut butter.

Oh, you mean BoJack?

If I wanted BoJack, I would call BoJack.

Did someone call for BoJack?

It really cuts down on confusion.

Ah, show business, the great equalizer.

Is that what it is?

Todd, spritz me.

- Spritzing. - Mm, mm, mm.

Well spritzed.

Have you ever been on a movie set before?

No, sir, Mr. Peanutbutter.

Please, Mr. Peanutbutter was my father's name.

- Uh... - And it's also my name!

Ooh, speaking of Mr. Peanutbutter,

I'll be back in a jiff, skippy.

Keep that air spritzed for me.

Aloha, kemosabe.

Hey, allow me to put on my producer hat

and produce you just for one second here.

I have a few notes on how you're playing me.

Let's see.

Problems, problems, problems, ah, here we go.

I find it really troubling that my movie self

is wearing a crew neck T-shirt.

I only wear V-necks.

You see the problem.

- I do not. - I just think if we're telling

the story, we should tell it how it really happened.

Yeah, this whole story isn't how it really happened.

Right...

because of the shirts.

Because I'm the one who stole the D.

I'm the real hero here.

My life is full of exciting adventures.

I should write a book.

Oh, wait. I did.

Suck on that, society.

Hey, you're in a mood.

Perhaps the tightness of that crew neck

is cutting off circulation to the brain?

Let me talk to Donna in wardrobe.

We're gonna fix this, buddy.

Donna!

What are you doing?

I'm just trying to get inside my character, which is you.

Is this how we move our arms?

We're so weird.

Is this really necessary?

Is this really necessary?

That's not what I sound like.

That's not mut mi sound mike.

Hey, what's it been like since we got married?

Is it everything we dreamed of since we were little?

When I was little, I dreamed of getting

a MacArthur grant for my 'zine about how all the girls

at school were bitches.

- Oh. - Look, the wedding was great.

But that's not real life.

I mean, I guess I got a happy ending,

but every happy ending has the day after

the happy ending, right?

And the day after that.

So the wedding was so much fun.

It was the happiest day of my life.

But, you know, what does that say

about all the days I have left?

Whoa.

We're such a Zoe.

Oh, Todd, glad you're here.

Hold this.