Shameless

Hey, what are you doing here?

You didn't even watch last week's Shameless.

Get the fuck out of my truck.

Something weird happened with Tish.

She didn't wanna use a condom, but I did.

I tried to pull out, but she wrapped her legs

so tight and wouldn't let me.

She raped you.

Are we in a relationship?

Sandy!

Who's that?

It's my fucking husband.

Your what?

Now all I gotta do is get Black folks

moving back into the neighborhood.

Black folks don't shoot up schools.

When Mikaela has a problem with Laquon,

she knows she gotta go to his mama's house,

handle it there.

We can stash the bikes in here till you find some buyers.

You're cool letting us use your gym?

How much? Five percent.

Deal.

I saw my dad yesterday.

I told him about us maybe taking over my old bedroom.

No, no, no, absolutely not.

We're... we're thinking we wanna sell the house,

the Gallagher house.

Fuck that.

A woman found you unconscious

and bleeding behind a Dumpster.

Dementia?

Rock music.

Think of all the luck you got.

Know that it's not for naught.

You were beaming once before.

But it's not like that anymore.

What is this downside.

That you speak of?

What is this feeling.

You're so sure of?

Round up the friends you got.

Know that they're not for naught.

You were willing once before.

But it's not like that anymore.

What is this downside.

That you speak of?

What is this feeling.

You're so sure of?

Good morning, brother of mine.

Made you breakfast.

What's with her?

I wouldn't trust it.

Upbeat rock music.

Good morning, boys.

Look what I made.

Your favorite.

Why the fuck are you touching me right now?

Tami, Phillip, bacon rainbows?

Flower pancakes?

We're good.

Good. Thanks, though.

Hey, bud.

So, um

things got a little bit heated last night,

but now that we've all slept on it,

I would like to reopen the discussion

about fixing up the house to sell.

Um.

If we knocked out a couple walls,

created a more open floor plan,

we could add 30 grand to the sale price.

Debs, what do you think?

Phillip... Well, I think

you can take your open floor plan

and lick my vagina. Gross.

Jesus fucking Christ, what is the big deal?

I grew up here.

Yeah, we all grew up here.

Maybe our kids can grow up some place nicer.

Yeah, maybe somewhere Frank doesn't live.

I see what this is.

It's not even your idea.

Fucking Little Miss Middle Class

wants her townhouse in Pilsen.

Whoa, hold on a second. I didn't even...

How hard did you have to twist his little nut sack

for him to do what you wanted?

Nobody twisted my nut sack, all right?

And it doesn't matter whose idea this is.

It's a good idea.

You are the only one who doesn't think so.

Well, Ian only thinks so because you think so.

- What? - And Carl's too stupid to think

- anything at all. - Hey, that's not true.

Mickey and I have been saving up to get our own place.

When did that idea come? Right when Lip moved out.

"Lip got his own place. I should too."

That's bullshit.

I don't just do things 'cause Lip says.

Well, you sort of do, though.

Name one thing.

Switched from tighty-whiteys to boxers 'cause Lip did.

I had a fungus issue. Boxers air the boys out better.

Totally. Who told you that again?

Lip. Fuck the both of you.

I'm my own man.

Okay, big shot. Why don't you tell Lip

you don't wanna sell the house, then?

Mickey, hey, stop. Family only.

Mickey's family.

Yeah, well, he's just saying...

This doesn't concern you, Tami.

Yeah, none of this concerns you, Tami.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. So Mickey's family,

but Tami's not family?

Yeah. They're married.

Tami has no right to tell you to sell my house.

My God. I didn't tell him

to do anything.

- What the fuck? - All right, back off.

All right? I got this.

Wow.

Carl, we sell, we each get 20 grand.

Right? Maybe more, okay?

You could get a sick bachelor pad for that.

Awesome.

You're gonna have to clean that bachelor pad

- and cook your own meals. - Shit.

You'll be able to have sex

without someone barging in and asking for deodorant.

But you'll have to pay your own bills.

Look, you can do that online. It's easy.

Carl doesn't know which remote turns the TV on.

You think he can pay his own bills online?

Debbie, you can't just insult your way

into getting what you want.

And you can't fuck your way

into getting what you want, Tami!

The fuck is so funny?

I mean, why do you all still live together?

You obviously hate each other.

- We don't hate each other. - We don't all hate each other.

We just all hate Debbie.

Hey, Ian doesn't hate Lip. Ian loves Lip.

Lip is his only friend in the whole fucking world.

Fuck you, Debbie.

- She's not wrong, though. - All right, could we all

just put our personal shit aside,

right, calm the fuck down,

and just have a rational discussion for once?

We have to pay for water?

Yes, water costs money.

Okay, how about we don't calm the fuck down,

and we get up in Debbie's face,

and we call her out for being

the selfish brat that she is?

- You cut hair, Tami. - Tami, Tami, not helping.

If Lip told you to lick a cat turd

off a steam pipe in the middle of July...

Yeah, I got something here to lick on.

Nobody's licking any turds! All right?

I could get a maid, right? I don't wanna have to clean

the shit out of my own toilet.

A maid's not gonna cook for you.

You're gonna starve.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay!

Everybody shut the fuck up, please.

Let's just vote and be done with it.

Sell!

Shut up, Franny! Atta girl.

Nice mothering, Debbie.

Stop, all right? Tami, Mickey,

stay out of it. Franny, you too.

I vote sell.

I vote no.

Ian.

I vote no.

Yes. Gallaghers, unite.

You fucking kidding me?

Shut up. Carl?

Can I think about it?

- Yes. - Right now, decision.

Liam.

Where the fuck is Liam?

Don't you look beautiful!

No, sir. You let Lip hide

stolen motorcycles in Kev-Fit.

You and I don't have anything to say to each other

until this is over.

It's only for a couple of days!

Did you see that chopper?

I've always wanted a chopper like that.

I'd be ten times more fuckable in a chopper.

If you get on that chopper, you're never gonna get

fucked again.

Brad's got a buyer in Indiana.

Him and Lip are running two of them there today.

Get rid of them. All of them.

Yes, ma'am. Girls, you ready