NCIS

Is it just me, or are we getting faster at this?

Faster is 5 cars in one night, newbie.

- You hear that? - Sounds like money to me.

Now that's what I'm talking about.

This baby is loaded: GPS navi, killer sound.

We're gonna get 3 G's for these rims.

More if the spare's alloy.

- What? - NCIS.

- Don't shoot. - Freeze!

- Hands in the air. - Okay, okay.

- All right. All right. - Cuff them.

- Against the car, dirtbag. - On the car.

- Assume the position. - Okay. Okay.

Your first mistake was stealing tools from the motor pool, geniuses.

Yeah, it's Gibbs. I need prison transportation for 3.

Get a hold of Metro PD. We busted these guys on their turf.

Gibbs?

You have the right to remain silent.

Car's not the only thing they've been chopping.

I swear we didn't kill anybody. it's not even our cooler.

We had nothing to do with that.

Do you believe him?

They had a human head in the trunk of a car, McGee.

What do you think?

First severed head?

Mine was a motorcycle accident in Baltimore.

- I thought I was picking up a helmet… - It's worse when you know the person.

You knew someone who was beheaded?

A friend.

He infiltrated a Hamas cell in Ramallah.

They sent his head

overnight express.

- I'm sorry. I didn't… - That's when I decided I'd…

I'd never be captured alive.

You did me a favor tonight, Jethro.

Tonight is SmackDown night at the Mallard residence.

Can you believe it?

Mother's favorite television program: Wrestling.

Mine too. I love the WWE.

I haven't the heart to tell her it's not real.

Where’s the body?

3 sailors running a chop shop, Duck.

We found it in the trunk.

You're not gonna need the gurney for this one, Palmer.

Oh, my.

Decapitation.

A most ancient form of execution,

which the French elevated to a public spectacle.

The guillotine.

The French Revolution. Scissors, please.

Actually, the hideous machine was invented by a Doctor,

Joseph Guillotin.

He proposed his machine be used,

as it was a humane form of capital punishment.

- That's ironic. - Yes, I'd say.

Although the guillotine is mostly associated with the French,

the Nazis actually guillotined more people

than the entire French Revolution.

- That's pretty gruesome. - Indeed.

Hitler thought it was a demeaning form of punishment,

so he used it for political executions.

I was referring to the severed head, Ducky.

Do you know how many people the Nazis decapitated

between 1942 and 1943?

- No. - Over 20,000.

I never cease to be amazed by the depth of your knowledge, Doctor.

Yes, well, one thing we can say for certain:

beheading was not the cause of this poor man's demise.

Look at the tissue reaction.

It isn't engorged with blood from the severed capillaries and veins.

So, he was dead before his head was removed?

For what sicko reason do you keep it preserved on ice?

I don't know, but it's gonna make determining

the time of death impossible.

As to cause, well, without the rest of the body…

Perhaps you can make us an ID.

Lay some tissue samples on me, Duckman.

I knew there was a reason I invited you down here.

Would you do the honors, Mr. Palmer? I need to take care of the paperwork.

So, white meat or dark?

It's inappropriate?

With a big dash of creepy, Jimmy.

It's my delivery. I have to work on that.

Who is Naomi Krutzhammer? One of your girlfriends, yes?

I'm trying to read my email here. You mind?

Not at all. I didn't know your nickname was "Honeybuns."

Only Naomi and I call him that.

Didn't think you were gonna say anything.

Who owns the car with the head?

- We don't know yet. - You're reading your email

and you don't know yet?

We traced the VIN to a Mercedes dealership in Riverdale,

which sold it 2 weeks ago. The registration is temporary

and hasn't been processed by the DMV.

We called the dealership. They don't open for another 25 minutes.

The car's registered to an Epsilon Corporation.

Thanks for sharing, Probie.

I just found it. Had to hack into the DMV's processing computer.

- Is that legal? - I doubt it.

I wonder what the penalty is?

Less than reading your emails on my time, Honeybuns.

Corporate address is in care of Sean Oliver, Attorney at Law.

225 Sheraton Street.

- Phone number, McGee? - When they answer the phone,

what are you gonna say, Officer David?

“Hey, we found your car.”

“Anybody at Epsilon missing a head?”

Tony, take Ziva with you. Go.

That's a good job, McGee.

- Thank you, Boss. - But Tony's right.

Hacking is illegal.

I hate lawyers.

I thought lawyers were an integral part of the American legal system.

Defenders of civil liberties.

This guy wouldn't know a civil liberty if he choked on it.

You don't get an office like this working pro bono cases.

You don't even know the man.

I can tell you anything you need to know.

Okay, what does he look like?

The name "Sean" was popular in the 1960's.

I wonder why.

That puts him in his 40s.

Probably has a combover, balding, maybe even plugs.

Shall I continue?

Well, you're on a roll.

Oliver: Old money. Esquire?

Cheeseball, pretentious.

I'm sorry to keep you waiting.

If you'd follow me, please?

Count your fingers after you shake his hand.

Okay, thanks.

Of course, there are exceptions.

So, what can I do for NCIS today?

- I'm Special Agent DiNozzo. - Nice to meet you.

We recovered a stolen Mercedes registered at Epsilon Corporation

- at this address. - Epsilon's a client.

I'm sure they'll appreciate you finding their car.

It's a little more complicated than that. Is it Mrs.?

It's Ms., and please call me Sean.

Sean. Pretty name.

- Thank you. - You're a coach?

No, not exactly.

I do a lot of pro bono work for youth groups.

The car may have been involved in some criminal activity prior to the theft,

Ms. Oliver.

We'll need to speak to your client about this.

First define "criminal activity."

We're not prepared to disclose that kind of information right now.

Then I'm sorry, I can't help you.

Why is that?

Attorney-Client privilege.

It prevents me from divulging any information

without my client's permission.

I'm ethically bound to protect their rights.

Even if they may have committed a crime?

If you believed that, you would have come with a search warrant.

Oh, we didn't think it was necessary.

So, I'll assume you'll try and go get one now?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Great. Then I look forward to seeing you again, Agent DiNozzo.

- Tony. - Tony.

I hate lawyers.

Have a seat.

I'm not saying anything till I get a lawyer.

You're not here to talk, Petty Officer Hobie.

You're here to listen.

They said you jacked the car

and they know nothing about what was in the trunk.

Me?

I believe them.

That means you're screwed, Petty Officer.

Agent McGee? 7 stolen cars in 2 weeks.

- What's he looking at? - 1st offense?

Let's see, 7 to 10 for theft.

Another 4 to 5 for selling stolen property.

So roughly, 12 years.

Maybe out in 6 with good behavior.

What about carrying around a human head in an ice chest?

Well, Capital offense,

with the gruesome nature of the crime?

I'm thinking… I'm thinking life, and that's if he’s lucky.

- If not… - The death penalty.

Whoa, hey. I didn't know that was in there.

When you boost a car, you don't check to see what's in the trunk first.

Where?

It was a parking lot.

Chez Nude.

It's a strip club in Anacostia.

I took it around midnight.

Did you see the driver?

No.

All I saw was the chrome.

Yes, but are you absolutely positive?

Science doesn't lie, Ducky.

No, but in my experience it often can be misleading.

- Abby. - Gibbs. Okay,

so, we have 2 questions for you. Where’s my Caf-Pow!?

The machine was empty.

- 2nd question? - That wasn't one of the questions.

- The machines never empty. - Abby.