Gossip Girl

Three words, eight letters.

Say it and I'm yours.

- L... - That's all I needed to hear.

What do you say we just forget thinking and follow our hearts?

You're a part of this legacy too, Nathaniel.

I don't wanna owe him or my family anything.

- Serena. Where's Charles? - Mom, what's wrong?

Bart's been in an accident.

My father is dead because of your father.

I will stand by you through anything.

- And why would you do that? - Because I love you.

Well, that's too bad.

- There's something you need to know. - Just tell me one thing.

Was it a boy or a girl?

I had enough trouble with the idea of Mom and Rufus dating...

...but now I share a sibling with my boyfriend?

- It's over, isn't it? - Andrew got caught...

...in a riptide. - If we had known...

...we wouldn't have bothered you. - Is it over?

We lost one son. We weren't losing another.

- You go to NYU? I start in the fall. - I transferred from BU.

- Tell me if what you feel is real. - It's just a game.

- Chuck, why did you just do that? - Because I love her.

You're famous because you got arrested.

The end of school means the end of me on Gossip Girl.

Congratulations. You have a clean slate. Until college.

Her dad is marrying Lily Bass? That makes her richer than all of you.

- Carter. - I have something you wanna know.

- Santorini. What you were looking for. - You found my father?

You were right.

I love you too.

Where has she been?

And who am I?

That's one secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me. XOXO...

...Gossip Girl.

Welcome back, Upper East Siders.

After a long, hot summer away, I see it didn't take much time...

...for you to dirty up the clean slates I gave you.

My inbox is overflowing, so let's get to the good stuff, shall we?

Chuck Bass up to his old tricks.

Poor B. I guess nothing good lasts forever.

I'm Chuck Bass.

I know.

I wasn't expecting to see someone like you...

...somewhere like this so early in the day.

I'm in need of refuge. It's too hot.

Oh, it's never too hot.

Care to test that theory?

And what if I have a girlfriend?

Chuck Bass doesn't do girlfriends.

Where's your limo?

I gave my driver the day off.

Then I guess we'll have to find someplace else.

As for a certain leggy blond by a Hamptons pool...

...looks like Serena left big shoes to fill...

...and someone finds them the perfect fit.

Well, I found it, and just in time. The car's here.

Now it's time to go...

Get you dressed?

- No, I'm not leaving. - I don't think we have a choice.

As soon as we get in that car, it means no more beaches, bonfires...

...and no more stalking the Barefoot Contessa through 1770 House.

Our summer in the Hamptons is officially over.

So a sit-in?

More like a lie-in. At least until the sun goes down.

You're sure your dad doesn't know?

Oh, totally. I mean, we hid the evidence. Look, Dan doesn't even know.

He was too busy pre-reading all his books for college.

And I snuck onto his laptop...

...and might have disabled his Serena van der Woodsen Google Alert.

But what happens when we get back to the city?

It's Serena's problem. As for now, we made a promise.

And it is very important to keep those.

Even if they were asked via drunken text from a Turkish pay-as-you-go phone.

Our bags are packed, the house is closed, but the question remains:

Now that you've spent your summer drinking coffee out of CeCe's china...

...will it taste as good out of your Welcome Back, Kotter mug at home?

Sure, it was great out here, but I like the real world too.

I mean, since we'll be at Lily's, it's a better-smelling...

...higher-thread-count version of the real world.

You aren't ready? Serena's gonna be home by 6.

I mean, how can she even greet us when she gets here?

Isn't she taking a vow of silence at the ashram?

I don't know. That Eat, Pray, Love thing is great and all.

But I doubt she can keep her mouth shut a whole month.

Even so, it's time to leave. I think her month is up.

I need to meet up with Vanessa too. She has something to tell me...

...about how she spent her summer. - Wasn't she in Europe with Nate?

It's a good thing the flight attendants dim the cabin lights over the Atlantic.

Even better my car got a flat on the way to Heathrow...

...and I missed the plane I was supposed to be on.

Otherwise, I would have been sitting in seat 3B of an entirely different plane.

Making out with an entirely different passenger in seat 3A.

Now that we're back on our own turf, do I at least get your number?

Maybe your last name?

- A little mystery never hurt anyone. - Really?

Oh, come on. Please, you gotta give me something to go on.

Okay, well, we are going to the same school.

Columbia's kind of a big one.

I mean, especially when you factor in the graduate school.

You caught that.

See, you're a better detective than you think.

Well, my car is waiting.

- Done? I'll take it. - Sure.

- On second thought. - You have a problem with the Buckleys?

That right-wing nut job called William Vanderbilt a deviant...

...for lobbying against DOMA.

Because William Vanderbilt...

...called Jeb Buckley a cokehead and a cheater.

Are you saying it isn't cheating if you get your congressional aide pregnant?

- Oh, God. You're Nate Archibald. - And you're Bree Buckley.

You pulled my hair during Clinton's inaugural ball.

Your cousins tried to waterboard me on the White House lawn.

It was good to see you again.

Yeah, take care of yourself.

Uh-uh.

- Why not? - It's better to wait.

How long?

Let's see.

Now.

What the hell is going on?

Blair, I can explain.

I'm sorry. I didn't know he had a girlfriend.

Yes, you did. She did.

- L... - Shame on you, Ashley Hinshaw.

How could you do that? Pick up someone in a relationship?

- Have you no pride? No self-respect? - Okay, I didn't know...

You may have an Abercrombie campaign, the security code to Clooney's castle.

That doesn't give you the right to steal someone's man.

Take your American Girl hair and your poreless skin and get out!

Okay, you're crazy.

- Hey. - Hi.

Oh, thank you.

It's been three hours. I missed you.

Let me make it up to you.

Let's get out of here.

Or we could stay.

Jenny will take Eric's room when...

With Chuck at the Palace, Eric will take his room.

Sweet. I didn't want to sleep under Chuck's dirty Girl Scout painting.

Oh, and Dan.

- Yeah, I will be back in Brooklyn. - When Lily gets back, we'll join you.

Mr. Rufus, there are packages I couldn't put upstairs.

Hey, what are you doing?

- Recycling. - What?

Whoa, whoa. Oh, my God.

It... It's not what you think.

So much for Eat, Pray, Love. I guess she got the "love" part right.

You can't say anything. Promise?

- Dan. - Hey, Vanessa.

Yeah, I was just about to head down there.

Miss Serena is home.

- Hello? - I'm gonna have to reschedule.

Oh, my God.

Dan can't make it. I think something's going down with his family.

Did he say what it was?

As for Serena van der Woodsen, you left America a star.

- Excuse me. What the hell is going on? - I don't know. Please help.

But after your exploits in Europe, you've come back a supernova.

- Back up, please, right now. - Yet nothing explodes without a fuse.

I wonder what, or who, lit yours.

Is Serena up yet? We were talking till late.

I think I heard her.

What's that?

Money your mother left us for emergencies.

Not to boast, but we haven't used a penny of it all summer.

Oh. Well, thank heaven for salaried servants and an account at the beach club, right?

Oh, well, I'm glad I have the number for City Harvest.

This is all a little much.

A little much? It makes Four Seasons look like one season.

Mom wanted everybody to feel welcome while she was away.

- Or she's trying to bribe us. - What? No.

In fact, she got us a treat for tomorrow.

A table in our name at the Vanderbilt annual charity polo match in Greenwich.

Lily thought it would be fun. So we're gonna go have fun for Lily.

Please show your family support by mimicking my expression.

There'll be photographers. You gonna be okay? Might create another mob scene.

Oh, no. Yeah, I'll be fine. I'm really sorry about yesterday.

I thought after the scandal, out of sight, out of mind.

I had no idea it would be worse.

No, you've apologized. Those vultures have the shot of your return.

They'll leave you alone. Not like you're gonna get arrested again.

No, of course not.

Um, I have to go meet Blair to go shopping.

You can't go to a polo match without a hat.

I'm gonna walk you out.

Thank you for the escort, but I can walk 15 feet without hurting myself.

There was nothing out of sight or out of mind about your trip.

I know what happened.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Serena, there was no ashram.

I went to an ashram, on a tour.

I appreciate your concern, but the white lies I tell my family...

...are none of your business. - Rufus is my family.

You didn't just lie to him. You lied to me.

All those e-mails about the benefits of Bikram?

- "Ten easy steps to colon cleanse"? - Turns out Goop is good for something.

- What's really going on here? - Nothing. Nothing.

It was just a few nights of harmless fun.