The Suite Life on Deck

Miss Tutweiller, I'm texting Chelsea about your outfit.

How do you spell "hideous"?

Never mind. I'll just put "ick!"

Oh, um, miss Tutweiller,

how do you spell "ick"?

Just sound it out!

Meanwhile I hope you've all studied up on Argentina

because tomorrow there will be a test.

- ( Groans ) - Really?

Psych!

Tomorrow is senior ditch day, so go have a blast.

- Yes! - Sweet.

No, I don't want to dig a ditch!

London, ditch day

is when seniors cut class.

I cut class every day. In fact, what am I even doing here?

Hey, cool, ditch day.

I'm totally gonna ditch.

Me too. I love to ditch.

Oooh, look out. Teacher's pets are going rogue.

What are you gonna do? Run up and down the hallways without a pass?

With scissors?

That is so incredibly dangerous.

Yeah, they shouldn't even joke about that.

I can't believe we're going to the coolest beach club in south America.

Me, Woody Fink, of Cleveland, Ohio.

I couldn't even get into glee club.

It's so exclusive

they say even the guy who started it can't get in.

This is going to be a ditch day we'll remember forever.

The three musketeers... all for one and one for all.

Hey. My motto is all for me and more for me.

Catchy.

Hey, check out all the beautiful babes,

or as they call them here, babe-os.

I have a girlfriend now...

Whose name I suddenly can't remember.

It's Maya. And she told me if you stared at any pretty girls,

- to do this. - Ow!

I told her I'd stay with her,

but she doesn't like people to see when she's sick.

I've never seen anyone hurl like that.

She barfed all over the shuffleboard court.

On the bright side, it landed on the 10. Ha ha.

- Cody? - Bailey.

I thought you were going to ditch.

I thought you were gonna ditch.

Pffft, I am ditching.

I decided to ditch ditch day.

Me too.

Good morning, miss Tutweiller.

What are you two doing here?

- Waiting for you. - You're late.

Why are you dressed that way?

Well, I was going to go to the pool.

It's senior ditch day, remember?

It's not senior citizen's ditch day.

Heh heh heh heh.

Miss Tutweiller, I have maintained a perfect school attendance

since my first day of kindergarten.

Mine's perfect since preschool.

I skipped preschool. They didn't think I needed it.

That helps explain the whole blankie obsession.

It's not an obsession!

You were always jealous of my affection for blankie.

- I think it's weird that a 17-year-old... - Blankie cuddled me.

- You never cuddled... - Stop stop stop stop stop!

Look, how about I just mark you both present

for the day and nobody gets hurt?

Uh, we'll get hurt. We'll have lost a whole day of learning.

It's your responsibility as our teacher

to actually teach us something.

I got a credential from a community college.

I didn't take an oath.

Oh, all right!

Ugh, take out your... History books

and turn to chapter... pfft... 17.

- Ahem. - Bailey?

Aren't you gonna take attendance?

Abernathy?

Bueller?

Bueller?

What do you mean I'm not on the list? Do you know who I am?

Yeah, somebody who's not on the list.

Yeah, meanwhile he let in Madonna,

Brangelina and even those vampire kids.

I can't believe the undead got in before me.

Are you talking about the vampire kids or Madonna?

My cool quotient must have gone down because of that stupid sea school.

Don't worry, guys,

we can have fun in line together.

you know it, you know it.

- I don't sing in public. - And I can't count backwards.

"Magnolia stood terrified on the deck

as the swarthy pirate leapt over the ship's railing."

Captain Hawk, I assure you

my family will pay whatever ransom you desire for my safe return.

I'm sure they will, my little princes,

but for now, you're mine!

Never.

My father has promised me to another man.

Can that man hold you like this?

No!

And caress you like this?

Oh yeah, that works.

And kiss you like this?

Oh, come to mama!

Bailey: Miss Tutweiller!

Miss Tutweiller. Miss Tutweiller.

- Miss Tutweiller! - What-tttt?

I finished my art project.

Well, at least one of us got to finish.

I knitted a d.N.A. Model using color-coded yarn

to coincide with the first letter of each amino acid.

Aqua for adenine, green for guanine, ...

yeah, I get it.

Kinda.

Lame.

Check this out... I made a model of the human brain

using various types of pasta.

I call it encephalaroni.

Educational and, if you boil it for eight to 10 minutes,

a lovely al dente dinner.

Guys, when I assigned you an art project,

I was hoping you'd do something less academic and more creative.

Well, what's more creative than a brain you can eat?

D.N.A. You can snuggle with.

Wow, you guys are gonna be the life of the think tank.

Look, not everything is about school and grades and studying.

Exactly where did you get your teaching credentials?

The university of none of your business!

- I bet she barely got in. - Mm-hmm.

Okay, that's it. I'm giving you both an assignment.

You are to leave this classroom immediately and go have fun...

actual fun

that an actual kid would actually have.

- But, miss Tutweiller... - This is social studies... go be social.

You're getting graded on this!

yes, we're almost in!

Oh oh, pick me, pick me!

- You you. - ( Squeals )

- Hey. - Not you.

Hey!

Gym class all over again.

It's okay, man. He's cool.

I know he doesn't look it, but he's cool.

- You want in or not? - See ya.

Oh, buddy, I wish there was something I could do.

- I'll be all right. - Are you sure?

- You go ahead. - Thanks, pal.

I can't believe he actually went ahead.

Hey, man, are you crying?

No. Got sand in my eye.

Both eyes.

Wow, this place is awesome.

I do believe in relationships. I do believe in relationships.

I do, I do, I do.

Oh ew!

We need to get to the V.I.P. Lounge.

At least there we'll get bumped into by a better class of people.

- Oh, excuse me, do you know where the... - ( Ice rattles )

Do you hear that sound? That is the sound of my drink being empty.

Fill it!

Uh, I'm not a waiter.

You mean you wear those clothes on purpose?

Que lastima.

Oh my gosh, that's Valentina Sonabria.

Her daddy's the richest man in south America.

He could buy my daddy and sell him at a garage sale.

Hola, Valentina.

Do I know you?

It's London.

Tipton.

London tipton.

Okay, once winter in Switzerland

I was on the slopes adjusting my boot,

and you skied right over me.

Vaguely I'm getting an image

of a large pink bump.

Oh, you should have seen the larger red bump you left on my head.

- It was... - ( Laughing )

At least it took the eyes away from her hideous parka.

- That was an Arturo Vitali. - Arturo Vitali's so over.

- ( Gasps ) - Where have you been?

Stuck in the middle of the ocean?

Stupid not-cool sea school!

I just found out Rafael Nadal is in the V.I.P. room.

- Maya loves him. - Who doesn't?

He's the most gorgeousest tennis player ever.

He can serve me anytime.

Anyway, I want to get a deo of him saying "hi" for Maya.