Scrubs

When you're crazy about someone,

even waking up isn't so bad any more.

Good morning.

The air feels crisper, the sun seems brighter.

Even your morning breath smells good.

- You taste like old eggs. - I'm so sorry.

I love old eggs.

You are so different from the guys I usually go out with.

- How so? - For starters,

I'm still wearing pants.

That is because I respect you.

Yeah?

And also, this triple knot, I couldn't get out.

Thanks for being so patient with me.

I hope you don't think I'm a big tease.

I just love sleeping in the same bed with you.

I've never slept better.

Me neither.

I'll go ahead and say it. I hope we never have sex.

What would you say if I told you that I feel ready right now?

- Whatever. - Then I think tonight...

Tonight is good, but now also good.

Now works. Sure.

Now, that's what I'm talking about.

- Get out! - 7.15, ya'll. Gotta go to work.

Since Alex is a social worker, she's here a lot.

For some guys, that would be distracting, but I'm staying focused.

You're on my foot.

I'm so sorry.

Please step on my foot. I'm just waiting for an excuse.

- Not today. - Really? Why not?

I get it. Nice pull. You slept with her yet?

What? I am not discussing that with you.

- That's a no. - Listen, Jolly Green.

People's personal lives are just that, personal.

That's a definite no.

Good to see you again, Mr Barnes. We'll be with you in a moment.

Put him in bed six.

Laverne, are you in fact part golden retriever?

Keep it holy now.

Because every time I toss this guy, you bring him right back to me.

All right, Will & Grace. Breakdown.

With his elevated lipase, I'd say pancreatitis.

Grace, you wanna finish?

- Start with a Demerol drip... - The throbbing's back.

Admitted for substance abuse three times in the past year.

- But he said he quit. - The addict said he quit?

Why wouldn't you tell me that?

- That changes everything. - I believe in Mr Barnes.

Just because you have a new girlfriend doesn't mean

that the world has suddenly turned into a giant green M&M.

The Red Sox still suck, they do.

Barbie here still can't decide what to do with those annoying bangs,

and addicts everywhere will still lie to get a fix.

Now, you've got to wake up, sweetheart. You're gonna be late for school...

You wet the bed.

Why can't I have a normal child without these problems?

My mom says they frame my face.

They don't.

Wait, please wait, wait

Go, bus.

Go. Go.

She didn't see you, Bob. Just stay perfectly still.

Dr Kelso!

- Can I get a ride to the hospital? - Of course, dear. Glad to do it.

Dr Cox and I have been friends for a long time. You should get to know him.

- Do I have to? - Yeah, you have to.

In case you were wondering,

it says, ''if you can read this, you're standing too close''.

I wasn't trying to look.

Let's see if you can tinkle when someone's staring at you.

Go ahead and take your time. I have all day.

Come on.

I've been Mr Barnes' caseworker for a long time.

He just needs everyone to cut him some slack.

Here, let me get this door for you.

I mean, people just don't understand addiction.

Why are we in the on-call room?

Have you ever fooled around in here?

Lots of times.

- Never with anyone, but... - Would you like to change that?

Yes, please.

Elliot.

Can you come back in two minutes?

Or 80 minutes?

The nurses did a check. There's 50 Percocet missing.

We should split up into teams and search every room.

We'll take this one.

Fine.

They're gonna go right to Mr Barnes. I'm gonna check on him.

- Alex? - What?

- I don't like it when you leave. - Come here.

Tonight we'll pick up right where we left off.

20 bucks says it never happens.

What, you're offended?

- Bob, how are you? - Fine, Allan.

Today, I think I'll try a double half-caf multi-foam latte mochaccino

with a shot of vanilla and a sprinkle of nutmeg.

- Black coffee? - Bingo-bango.

These people actually like you.

Maybe you should just order.

I'll have an espresso, please, and...

What kind of scones do you have?

Do you mind, lady? I am in a rush.

My goodness, I'm so sorry.

What am I doing, thinking I can take an extra six seconds to pick my breakfast?

I have to call my mom, tell her she did a lousy job raising me.

Thank you so much.

I think what she means is, she doesn't give a crappuccino.

This is on me. God help me, I love spunk.

How you doing?

How are you? Can I buy you a beer?

This is a men's room. There's absolutely no talking in here. Ever.

It's just so freaky. We're on the same pee schedule.

No, we're not.

This is not good.

Why assume Mr Barnes stole it? There's lots of people on that ward.

Good point.

Three of them are in comas, two can't walk, one's a nun.

Also a valid point.

Elliot, I'm sure Mr Barnes didn't take the drugs.

He has been in rehab for over six months.

There's no reason to be so judgmental.

I am not judgmental. If I were, I'd tell you your shoes are ugly.

Do not stoop to her level.

Your bangs make you look like a chipmunk.

It's a frame! Why can nobody see that?

Can we get back to the matter at hand?

Fine. So who do you think's right?

Yeah.

Crap.

For the love of Oprah, why would you come to Paediatrics?

I can't go unless you're around. You're my little pee buddy!

What do you say we cut to the chase?

You're dating Carla, the one person in this hospital I can remotely stand

and she wants us to get all kissy-faced with each other. I get it. I do.

But every single time I shake my magic eight ball

and ask it ''Are we gonna be best friends?''

- Do you know what it says? - No.

Outlook is buh-leak.

Dr Cox, you really can't trust those things.

When I was 9, I asked mine if I should open it and drink the fluid inside.

I puked blue for three days.

Just a real cute story. Here's what you're gonna do.

Go back to Carla. Don't obsess about why she's with you.

Just tell her we went to a ballgame and we borrowed each other's sweaters.

- N-kay, little buddy? - What a...

I don't think we should stand for it.

Dr Kelso can't just decide we're not allowed to switch shifts any more.

I was supposed to see my nephew tonight in Pippin.

- Who's he playing? - Pippin.