The Turkey Bowl

Dozed off. Ready to rock.

Dude...

...you were talking in your sleep.

Son of a bitch.

That-- that's a 200-dollar tie.

Yeah, well, Ashley hates when I crease.

- So... - -Uh-huh. Well,

our presentation's at 3:00.

Well, get the team assembled.

-Let's do this. -Got it.

Hey, sweetie. What's up?

Hi, sweetie. A-- a couple things.

You didn't tell your friend that we were coming back

to your hometown for Thanksgiving, did you?

What? Baby, no. Why?

Well, we got a snail-mail invitation

from your buddy, Mitchell, if-- if you want to call it that.

Are his balls in it?

And his entire asshole.

Hmm. I'm so sorry.

You know, why don't you just go ahead

and throw that thing away?

Okay? I am not dragging you back there again.

Thank God. Once was plenty.

Honestly, it was a little traumatizing.

I don't think those people have evolved.

Yeah, well, it's 'cause they haven't.

- I know, right? - God!

I guarantee you they're still drinking,

hooking up with each other, picking fights

and talking about the glory days.

- And eating meat. - Exactly.

That's why I got the hell out of there.

Well, look at you now.

Great job. Amazing condo. And best of all...

you're dating a Sinclair.

Yeah. Well, I'm a lucky man.

Oh, the other piece of biz, daddy called and said

we're leaving for the cabin tonight instead of Sunday.

-Fun, huh? -Um... Yeah.

That-- That's great. How cool is that?

So come home right after work, okay? Love you. Bye.

Okay, love you. Bye.

Twenty minutes. Fuck!

"Breast or thigh?"

Hey, hey, hey! Watch out!

- There you go. -Oh, hey, sorry. In a hurry.

Good to see you again, Mr. Hodges.

Have you come to a decision?

I have.

Off your recommendation, I would like the Bramfort cut

on the Priscilla setting.

-Excellent choice. -Thank you.

Nothing but the finest for the Senator's daughter.

Sorry.

She looks quite different on television.

Just a weird filter.

Man.

Set.

Go.

Do I have everyone's attention?

Question. What is more important?

What's inside the box or the box itself?

It's all about perception.

Oh, my God. Wow.

Excellent work. Let's sit down after the holidays.

Would love to, ma'am. Thank you so much.

Wow. I mean, it doesn't get any better than that.

Uh, yes, it does.

- Senator! Senator! -Okay, okay, okay.

Your future father-in-law is on CNN.

Yes. The rumors are true.

I am running for president in the next election.

I will answer all your questions...

You're about to become a made-man.

Remember, vote Sinclair!

Senator! Senator! Senator!

Patrick, I apologize

for the quick departure,

but I thought we'd get out of town early

to avoid the initial media frenzy.

It's a great idea, sir.

You know, a lot of personalities use the same strategy

when they're thrust into the spotlight like that.

Really? Such as?

Well...

Um... I...

Uh...

Um, sir, there's been something I've been--

You want to ask my permission for Ashley's hand.

Yeah. How-- how did you know that?

Why else would you go to the Michigan Ave BC Clark

five days in a row?

Correction. Six days in a row.

I'm content with your request for Ashley's hand.

However, due to the current shift

in my political stature,

it's apparent I have my eyes on a bigger prize.

Therefore, a son-in-law who shoplifts coffee,

hops turnstiles, and steals a cab from a Supreme Court Justice

is a tremendous risk

to the future President of the United States.

Wouldn't you agree?

Yes, sir. But I did pay for the coffee, Glenn.

Don't get me wrong, Patrick.

I'm looking forward to spending the week with you.

So...

from here on out, watch your step.

Whatever you do, wherever you go,

whatever you say reflects on me,

from the tiniest blemish on your record to the...

tiniest crease on your tie.

We cool?

We cool.

-Great. Welcome to the family. -Thank you, sir.

Hey. Patrick Hodges.

What?

When?

It's so sad.

I just can't believe Mitchell's dead.

What happened?

A car wreck.

Driving home from the local bar. It's awful.

Mitchell's the one that always sends you pictures

of his ball sack, right?

Yeah.

You know, I'd been meaning to call him back

for a long time, but--

-God, what a dick I am! -Aw. It's okay, monkey.

You know, he's been really trying to get me back

to come home for Thanksgiving.

Oh, I guess he's gonna get his wish.

You know, um...

if you want, I-- I could come with you.

But it's probably better if-- if you go alone.

Yeah, no, baby, you stay with your family.

- Yeah? -Okay? I'll...

...catch a flight in the morning...

-Okay. -...hit the funeral.

Say hi to my folks, and I will get out, okay?

I'll be in Vail in two days.

So super sad.

-I love you. -I love you.

Sorry for your loss, Patrick.

Thank you, sir. Thank you so much.

Ashley?

-Call me when you get there? -Yeah.

Have a good flight and just know I'm here for you.

And if I don't pick up, it's because we're on the slopes

-and I'll call you right back. -Okay.

-Okay. -All right.

Bye.

"Ron-defeated"?

Like "undefeated"?

Stupid.

Patrick. Good to see you, Captain.

Hey, man.

Oh, you know, under the circumstances.

-Yeah. -You're looking good.

You too, Fat Jack.

Thanks, man.

Hard to pass up on the wings

when you're the one making 'em, you know?

Well, glad you made it.

Me too.

-Place looks great, bud. -Oh! Thanks, man.

Pretty proud of the old Badge Hole.

Got to admit, there ain't much I wouldn't give

to have your tender hands

pressed up against my taint just one more time.

You know, snap you the ball?

That feels a little inappropriate right now,

but I-- I know what you mean.

-Yeah. -Yeah, but I get it.

Mitchell would've been so happy that you came.

Guys are at the end of the bar.

Hey, Sonny D.

No handshakes today, man.

Man, I'm so sorry, it's been so long--

Shh. Don't worry about it, man.

All right.

Get your ass in my arms.

Oh, Ledbetter.

Missed the shit out of you, man.

Yeah, I miss you, too, bro. Really.

Hey, Mitchell.

Oh!

Got you, bitch!

-What? -You thought I was dead?

I'm not dead. I'm alive.

You should've seen your face.

Mitchell, you're so fucked up, dude!

Look, he's been crying!

-Yeah. -Aw. You've been crying?

About me? Oh, my God, I am so touched.

Yeah, right here.

Take a bow. And while you're down there...

Get off of me! Get off of me!

Okay, okay, okay. Guys, enough, enough, enough.

All right. You guys are assholes.