Friends

Can I see the comics?

This is the New York Times.

Okay, may I see the comics?

I thought you were taking Ross to the game.

- We are. He's meeting us here. - No, Rachel's meeting us here.

Come on. They can be in the same room.

- You should've been there last night. - What happened?

Ross was hanging out at our place.

Rachel comes to borrow moisturizer from Chandler...

Hey.

How hard is it to say "something"?

Rachel came over to borrow "something."

Anyway, her and Ross just started yelling at each other.

Why was he yelling at her? He slept with someone else.

He says they were on a break when it happened...

...so she should've forgiven him by now.

He is so unreasonable. God.

Although I understand what he means.

Oh, my God. This is like 60 Minutes...

...when at first you're mad at that pharmaceutical company...

...for making the drug.

And then, you just feel bad for the people because...

...they needed to make their hair grow.

You know, this is like when my parents got divorced.

I hope Ross doesn't try to kidnap me after Cub Scouts.

I dreamed that Ross and Rachel were still together.

And we were all hanging out and happy.

I had the same dream.

- And nobody slept with the Xerox girl. - Oh, I had the opposite dream.

Maybe it's gonna be okay. I mean, it's been a week.

It never takes me more than a week to get over a relationship.

It never takes you more than a shower to get over a relationship.

Let's go. Let's hit the road. Let's get the show on it.

Let me get coffee.

I know the best coffeehouse. And it's close.

Closer than here?

Oh, look. I found coffee.

Okay, let's skedaddle.

I'm not gonna drink somebody's old coffee.

Okay, Your Highness.

"Rachel, I'm really sorry." "Okay, Ross. Wanna get back together?"

"Yeah, okay."

Did anyone else hear that?

- Is he here? - No.

Here's your moisturizer.

Hi.

You guys are gonna love me. Okay, check it out.

Thursday night, five tickets.

Calvin Klein lingerie show, and you guys are coming with me.

I said that out loud, right?

Yes, it's just that we kind of already...

...made plans with Ross.

Oh. Well, okay.

Well, there you go.

It's just, he got this new home-theater dealy...

...and he wants us to check it out.

He's excited about it too.

He even recorded showtimes on his answering machine.

- We're sorry, honey. Oh, it's okay.

Rach, it's not that we don't want to. Really.

Are we talking models in their underwear?

And heels.

Ross did ask us first, and we set that night aside.

Come on. If he asked you first, it's only fair.

Oh, boy, do I feel bad.

Very bad.

- Chandler, what are you doing? - Chandler.

Oh, my God.

You're smoking again?

Well, actually, yesterday I was smoking again.

Today I'm smoking, still.

Why would you start again after chewing all that quitting gum?

This is just like my parents' divorce...

...which is when I first started smoking.

Weren't you 9?

Yeah.

I'm telling you something, that first smoke after naptime...

That's great. With my luck, that's him.

Him? Ross?

No, "Hymn" 253: "His Eyes Are on the Sparrow."

When my parents got divorced, I started using humor as a defense mechanism.

Hi. Uh, do you guys have weekend plans?

Because my sister says we can spend the weekend at her cabin, skiing.

I'm asking you first, right? I'm playing by the rules.

Absolutely.

Chandler. You're smoking? What are you doing?

Shut up. You're not my real mom.

Could you close that window? My nipples could cut glass.

Really? Because mine get me out of tickets.

Look, I just wanna say I really appreciate you spending time with me.

It's been a hard time right now, so I just want to say thanks.

Somebody else hug him. I have to stay by the window.

Oh, hey, hey.

How about this weekend, we have a laser-disc marathon, okay?

And maybe a tournament on my new...

...dart board. What do you think?

Two days of darts. It'll be great.

It'll be great for next weekend.

This weekend, guys.

It'll be great for next weekend.

I mean, "lt'll be great."

What's going on?

We're, um, sort of invited to go skiing. You know, Rachel's sister's cabin?

So, for the whole weekend?

We're really sorry, but she did ask us first.

That's okay. If you all have to go away...

...for the first weekend I'm alone by myself...

...then I totally understand.

I can stay. I'm gonna stay.

The last time I went, I was afraid to leave the chair lift.

I just went round and round.

We need you to drive us there in your grandmother's cab.

- But you know what? I'll stay. - No, I'll stay. He's my brother.

- What, a "pity stay"? - No.

We're gonna have fun.

We can make fudge.

Pity food?

You know what? I don't need any of you to stay.

Nobody stays.

Well, then I might as well offer to stay.

Hey...

Does anybody else feel bad about Ross?

You think he's still mad?

He's probably more mad since you called him to borrow his goggles.

What? Mine aren't tinted.

Chandler.

What?

What does the sign say?

"Beam me up, Jesus."

The "No Smoking" sign.

There's no smoking in my grandmother's cab.

Well, then I have to go to the bathroom.

Oh, please.

No unscheduled stops. You can go when we stop for gas.

There's a rest stop right up there. Come on, I really have to go.

Oh, now I have to go.

Here we go.

Brace yourself. What?

Okay. Ow.

- Aren't you gonna go? - No, thanks.

Rachel never pees in public restrooms.

They never have any paper in there.

So my rule is, "No tissue, no tushy."

Well, if everybody's going...

Don't close it. The keys are in there.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

- What's going on? - My lighter's in there.

Damn. The tailpipe's not hot enough to light this.

I can open this. Anybody got a coat hanger?

Oh, I do.

No, I took it out of my shirt when I put it on this morning.

So if your parents hadn't divorced...

...you'd be able to answer a question like a normal person?

Look, I just need a wire something to jimmy it.

One of you give me your bra underwire.

What?

Come on. Who has the biggest boobs?

Whoever has the biggest boobs, has the biggest bra and wire.

- No. - It's too expensive.

To get back in the car, we need that wire.

Your call.

Monica's are the biggest.

These tiny little non-breasts? Please. It's gotta be Rachel.

No, mine are deceptively small.

I mean, I actually sometimes stuff my bra.

Well, then your bra would still be big.

No, I stuff outside the bra.

Ladies, let's just compromise, okay?

Phoebe, Rachel, take off Monica's bra.

All right, forget it, never mind.

- You can have mine. Thank you.

Chandler. What are you doing? There's a trash can right there.

I thought if I littered, that crying Indian might come by and save us.

There.

Thank you, Phoebe. That's very, very generous.

Now, let's decide who has the nicest ass.

And there you go.

Chandler.

Well, at least let me smoke it to the good part.

Oh, no.

- What's going on? - What?

Yeah, this has happened before.

- So you know how to fix it? - Yep. Put more gas in.

Hi. What are you doing here?

I was wondering, when you and I split up...

...did you get the tape that was half the last episode of M.A.S. H...

...and half the hostages coming home?

But now it's Susan and me in Mexico and the hostages coming home.

Where's Ben?

- He's sleeping. - Ah. Ooh.

Is this a bad time?

Yeah, actually. Susan's gonna be here any minute.