The Chaser's War on Everything

Lets see what happens above...

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Well, yeah. Good evening, yes.

Thank you right around Australia. Welcome to the World Trade Cafe with us on this very special week.

Yes, right, from our country. Yes, it was the PM's birthday this week.

John Howard turned 67, nor 73, if you had GST.

Happy Birthday, John. So much progress over those years.

I've had the World Trade Cafe so much in 67 years.

I mean, you wouldn't recognise the world 67 years ago.

Back then, there was conflict in the Middle East.

Australia was very uneasy about foreign migrants.

And John Farnham was announcing a farewell tour.

It was a very different world. Very different.

But Chris, you'd have to say, 67, how do we be pretty happy with his life?

The way it turned out, I mean, look at his Prime Minister of Australia.

Yeah, I know. He got to meet the US President.

He got to meet his childhood idol, Don Bradman, though.

Although he did fail again this week to fulfil his other childhood ambition,

which is to take out the Miss Universe page I know.

Oh, I think he's actually really letting down, didn't he?

So close.

But so predictably, there was a lot of speculation about his retirement and so on.

Can I just say, even if he does get pushed out of his current job,

I think he'd probably have enough money to go for a new job interview with Jetstar.

Because you know Jetstar charged for job interview.

It's an 8-2. It's incredible.

$89 to go for a job interview.

Have to pay even more if you want to blanket your own interview.

But are there any other charges that Jetstar's thinking of introducing

other revenue-raising measures they haven't told us about?

Yeah, I'm with a wallet Julian designer to ask the Jetstar boss himself.

Good day, Alan. Hey, go ahead.

Hey, guys. I just wanted to ask you, I know you charged $89 for a job interview.

Just wanted to check on a couple of other prices.

How much is it to stand this close to you?

I'll go to the back.

Will that cover it?

No, I think I want to round 30 bucks.

30 bucks.

I'll take a credit card.

I'll put a cost to say that as a CEO to preside over that policy,

you'd have to get a good print, wouldn't you?

Well, I would do 50 bucks.

I mean, hang on.

You're charging more and more.

Yeah, I just wanted to know how much you charge.

You could give me as much as you want, but I would say complete print with that big work of hang on.

That's extra 50 here, I think.

Can you take out any tea?

Yeah, I'll take out any tea.

You can have it all back.

Really?

No, I'm happy to give you an apology.

But it will be 250 bucks.

It's always good looking at your business model and figuring out how you want to go.

All right, well, I better go because I run out of cash.

I'll give you the cash back.

Well, it's the first time I've heard that from a jet star see you.

I have everything.

I'm very, very well.

Thanks.

Look at how to say.

I'm pretty much given up on aviation these days.

I prefer to go everywhere by horse.

Oh, so I didn't know you liked horse.

Oh, big time.

I'm a big horse person.

You know, I had a pony as a young boy.

Did you?

I've been horse mad ever since.

It's never going anywhere without my old chestnut friend, Rocky.

Rocky, is that right?

Oh, yeah, but to tell you what, people can be very prejudice when it comes to horses.

Like, for all this talk about animal rights,

Rocky and me come up against a real double standard everywhere we go.

You got a table for two?

I'll say it is me.

I'll say it.

No, I'm prefer to say it's raining, so we...

You don't have to do anything.

You can't bring a horse in some?

No.

Hey, are we right to bring the horse in?

It's good to see you.

You don't like lead horses in the shopping centre?

Well, that's just horses.

Move.

Move.

Move.

Move.

Move.

Move.

Move.

Move on in the bus.

Hey, now, let's get a seat pirate to the carabiner.

Okay.

Let's see if there's a pirate to the carabiner.

Rocky, stand up in the horse.

Just need to get a loan.

If we speak to anyone about a loan, Rocky is keen to get a new stable.

Is that...

Rocky?

Sorry.

He's got a drinking problem.

Rocky.

Well...

Rocky, not Rocky.

Rocky, you're in a barn now, you're behind.

Do you have any horse food or something?

Yeah.

All right.

Rocky.

Sorry about this.

He doesn't eat him for a while.

Okay.

Well, get Rocky out of here.

Next time, maybe.

I'll come back with a shitload of ponies.

Monday on four corners.

The new health crisis that threatens to bring the food industry to its knees.

As farmers across the world struggle to get a new stable.

The new health crisis that threatens to bring the food industry to its knees.

As farmers across the world struggle to get a new stable.

As farmers across the world struggle to cope with the biggest outbreak yet.

Of mad tofu disease.

I've got 20,000 hectares of tofu here and look at it.

It's completely bonkers.

Over four million tofu burgers destroyed a day.

Experts are warning the worst is yet to come.

This is extremely serious.

If you thought bird flu was bad, won't you leave had tofu flu?

An epidemic unlike any other with seen before.

The crisis has the potential to wipe out the entire vegan population.

On the upside that does include movies, so it's not all bad news.

Mad tofu disease.

8.30 Monday.

On four corners.

Oh, now a lot of people ask us questions about our sets and my arse was helped.

It's interesting, actually, because this whole set was actually from IKEA

and I actually built the whole set using this Alan Kean.

Very, very giving a lot of do-loat.

I'm just really mind-short, but I'm not going to come out of here.

I was still feeling it.

Rocky lad is a bit of a hiker on here.

Sure, but he didn't have to spell it at the place.

Anyway, I mean, I can't stand IKEA, actually.

The do-it-yourself stuff I can't follow.

It's impossible to follow.

You've just got to follow the instructions.

Look at them. They're completely easy to follow.

No problem.

They don't have any words on the instructions.

I wanted instructions. The last thing I'd ask is a mute blob of them.

You are as bad as Craig.

I tell you what, he is awful at DIY.

I was with him this week when he was trying to assemble this IKEA chair.

It's called a Po-ing.

Look at easy enough.

But Craig ran into real problems so much so that he had to take it back.

What was this?

This is the Po-ing.

I just couldn't understand it all.

It just confused the hell out of me.

Can I just get a refund on it?

Yeah.

Sorry, I'm not particularly good at that kind of thing, I guess.

And there's the island case.

One hundred.

Sorry to be such a pain.

I just can't believe you returned it.

You could have sold that to a New York art gallery for a fortune.

Yeah, well, look, that was the Po-ing.

But I have to admit, I had to eat humble pie because I was actually trying to assemble a couple of IKEA bookcases

in this beautiful, little bird's soap.

Look at that.

Absolutely fantastic.

I had a few troubles, actually.

And thank God for IKEA's returns policy.

Thanks.

Yeah, I bought a couple of gongs and a little bird.

And I just, I follow the instructions.

I just can't get it at work.

I guess it's supposed to be a bookshelf.

You can't, you can't lift anything.

I can't leave anything on that.

I can't sit on that.

Right.

Look, I spent hours with this.

I'm really sure I followed these instructions.

Can I just get a refund?

Yeah.

But it's not much good to me.

I don't think that's supposed to go like that.

Okay.

$156.799.97.

$97.

Thank you very much.

Yeah, thank you.

And they took it.

Well, it looks like you can return anything to IKEA, doesn't it?