Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency

Yes, I was awake. I've been awake.

Where are you? It's time.

I'm--

I'm on my way, is where I am,

and almost there already, so everything's great.

Good morning, Buttercup!

- -

- -Where... is... my... money?!

Dorian! Dorian! Dorian, stop! Stop!

Stop, stop, stop, stop! Stop!

-Where's my money?! -I gave you your money, Dorian.

-Where's the goddamn rent? -I paid you the rent.

Don't tell me what you did or didn't do!

You don't know what happened yesterday. You're not a historian.

-Okay, listen-- -Are you a historian?

-No, but-- -No! I want my money today!

Six hundred bucks, or I swear to God, I will kill you.

If you screw with me again...

- -Damn it.

What are you gonna do, call the cops?

Go ahead. No, you won't. You know why?

'Cause I got you. I got you.

Money! I want my money! Today! My 600 bucks!

The Spring family is notoriously reclusive

and could not be reached for comment at this time.

If you or anyone you know has information on the whereabouts

of Lydia Spring, please contact the number below.

Where's the goddamn rent? My 600 bucks!

I swear to God, I will kill you! Where's my money?

Are you a historian?

Oh, Mr. Palacios--

Todd, perfect, I need you to get up to 745.

-Yes, I will. I just-- -Welcome to the Perriman Grand.

Allow us to help you.

Uh, I was wondering if I could get my check a little early this month.

-What? Why? Are you okay? -Yeah, I could just use the money.

I need you to get up to 745 right away.

There's a drunk woman up there acting crazy.

Do me a favor. Check out the penthouse.

They've had a "Do Not Disturb" since 2 p.m. yesterday.

-You still have your master key? -No, I misplaced it.

Take mine.

Seven forty-five and then the penthouse.

Then we can talk about the check?

Later, yes. Later. Hmm?

Okay.

Yeah, well, I'm here on assignment--

-No, I was just-- -Get out of the way.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh. Do I have to leave?

Or could I just sit here for a second?

Take your time.

Can you just hang out... with me... for a second?

I hate men.

I'll be out of here in an hour.

Okay.

If you need anything, my name is...

Todd.

I hate voicemail!

- -Hey, sis, it's me.

Listen, I'm not ignoring you.

I don't know if I have the money right now.

And I know I promised you,

but there have been some unforeseen circumstances.

I'm gonna get you the money,

-and you'll be able-- -Time machine! No, you lied to me.

You lied to me. You've screwed both of us.

No! Silence! No! No, you shut up! Don't you say a word.

I don't wanna hear-- holy shit. This is when it happened. That means--

Come on!

- Todd? -

Where the hell are you, Todd?

I don't know.

Have you checked out the penthouse?

I mean, I'm on my way. I'm on my way.

Estevez. Zimmerfield. Missing Persons.

Missing Persons? This is a homicide or... something.

-We believe this homicide has possible-- -Probable.

-Probable ties to an ongoing case-- -Wait.

What do you mean "or something"?

It is strange in here.

Are those burns?

Homicide said the guy in the bed was torn in half.

The other guy had his arm torn off. There are bite marks on the ceiling.

So, what are looking for, like, an animal, or a weapon?

There are multiple bite marks on the ceiling.

They say the noise went on for ten seconds.

Zim, what the hell does this in ten seconds?

A man was bitten in half. Bitten in half?

-They say they got a witness. -Oh, yeah?

How big are his teeth?

You have no idea when the key left your possession?

No.

It doesn't look great, Todd.

Late to work, late getting to the penthouse, no key.

-It all seems very, you know... -Confluent.

Yeah.

Like a lot of little pieces adding up to me raising my eyebrows like...

Like that.

See, I can't do it. Only Zimmerfield can.

Only Zimmerfield.

Security tapes are badly scrambled due to power fluctuations,

but we did manage to pull this.

This is from under two minutes before you arrived in the penthouse.

Is that your key?

I don't think so. Wait, is he wearing a gorilla mask?

You didn't see anything weird this morning, did you, Mr. Brotzman?

Yes. No.

Maybe. I don't know.

Are you aware you just gave every possible response to that question?

Eyebrows.

If I were you, I wouldn't leave town. Hmm?

Is there--

Is there any way you could get the security footage

for the 18th floor?

See, I told you that the security footage was badly scrambled.

Any particular reason you want that, Todd?

Did something happen on the 18th floor?

No, I--

Okay, no.

You didn't touch anything at the scene, did you, Todd?

No.

-Don't leave town. -I won't.

Seriously. Don't leave town.

Okay.

Todd. Snap out of it.

Yeah, sorry, what?

I said they think it's connected to something bigger.

-What, like the mob? -No.

While you were in there, did you see an animal?

-Animal? No. -They said they found paw prints.

Paw prints? Like a dog?

No.

-Also, you're fired. -What?

Your involvement in all of this, it's complicated.

-You can't fire me. I just opened a door. -Some doors shouldn't be opened.

Okay, is there any way, please?

Is there any way you can give me my final check today,

-as a type of severance? -It's a same-day termination.

I'd have to delay the check.

What do you mean same day? It just happened today.

Today is the day that it happened.

Any day that it would've happened would've been the day it happened--

-Listen, I need the money. -Yes, but it's a same-day termination.

It's always a day, right? Things happen when they happen.

They happen immediately. That's what happening is--

Sometimes when things happen, they don't happen.

Hi.

Ow!

Right, now you're gonna get... Hyah! Hi-ya!

Whoa!

Stop it. Jesus! With the-- Push!

What the hell, man?

You "What the hell?" No! Me "What the hell?"

-How did you get in here? -The window, obviously.

Do you attack everyone who comes in here?

Seems like a weird thing to do, but live and let live.

-You can't just break into my apartment. -Clearly, I can.

I'll call the police. Hey.

I'm trying to decide whether you're a clue, an accomplice

or an assistant.

Who are you? What is this?

Have you noticed an acceleration of strangeness in your life as of late?

Perhaps a series of intense or extraordinary events, which,

as of now, seem unconnected,

with the exception of each being separately bizarre?

Perhaps every day before now has, for the most part,

been humdrum and inane, your life a mundane, unvarying slog

through unfulfilling jobs, shallow depression

and boring, boring sex?

And then suddenly, today, everything changed...

and your life became a swirl of interesting activity?

An assistant. I knew it.

Oh, my name is Dirk Gently. I'm a detective.

I live here now and... Ooh. I'll be sleeping here tonight.

You're a terrible assistant.

Project Icarus is leaving the building.

-What about the other guy? -I don't know yet.

-What? -What?

It's hard to hear you through the comm.

I'm not talking through the comm. I'm talking to you.

I've got a shot.

-What do you mean? -Do I take the shot?

-Don't take the shot. -Confirmed, taking the shot.

What the hell are you doing?

You are endangering the whole goddamn operation.

-Shit. -

What the hell just happened?

-Who were those guys? -Plates came up military.

Is the guy we're tailing

meeting up with another guy, who is also being tailed by other people?

I let everyone down.