Khandaani Shafakhana (खानदानी शफाखाना)

KHANDAANI SHAFAKHANA

Did you know that most couples in our country...

...still suffer from sexual dissatisfaction?

Unemployment, social unrest and economic turmoil...

...aren't caused by individuals, the state or government...

...but by society at large.

But the biggest disease that plagues our society...

...is the lack of marital bliss.

Those suffering from premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction...

...low sperm count or impotence needn't lose hope.

Bringing his family's age-old traditional expertise from Lahore, Mamaji!

The head of the Hindustani Unani Medicine College and Research centre, Mamaji!

The man who has given many famous personalities a healthy life, Mamaji!

This makes your life young and blissful.

By drinking this your love life becomes amazing.

To get back that lost spark...

...visit today! Located near Hoshiarpur's clock tower...

Mamaji's Khaandaani Shafakhana (Sex clinic)!

Look, Hakim Tarachand...

We had heard of you corrupting students with your filth...

But now you've crossed all limits.

You're spreading this smut on TV!

You think sex education is smut?

Listen, you can't use such obscene words in this meeting!

Like what?

Education?

No... Ummm....

The one before that.

The obscenity is in your minds!

Sure, we have dirty minds...

But what about the media?

Or is all of society corrupted, other than you?

This country's culture and morals have gone for a toss.

In the name of culture, you're making a mountain out of a molehill!

See, he's making dirty puns again!

People have lost faith in Unani medicine anyway...

But you couldn't care less!

Sir, I've given 25 years of my life...

...my blood and sweat to Unani medicine.

You've disgraced us!

You're hereby expelled from the Hindustani Unani research centre.

You may speak or write as you please now...

We cannot have you associated with this reputed institution any more.

That's it.

Exactly.

Sources reveal that this man who publishes obscene material...

...had been practicing as a quack for many years.

Big breaking news!

The man peddling sleaze under the guise of medical practice exposed!

"Educator turns Predator!"

Crosses all limits of obscenity!

This man has been boycotted for playing with public.

The next song you hear...

...in the voice of Punjab's banging young heartthrob, Gabru Ghatak!

Song requested by - Ludhiana's Sukhwinder Singh...

...Hoshiarpur's Baby Bedi...

...and Ajrar's MIntoji-

Presenting this bomb of a song!

"Coz ya know... "

"Coz ya know... "

"Bring that back! "

"Yeah she's got herself All of Chandigarh chasin' her"

"Sweet sixteens to their thirties They're all charmed by her"

"She glides on the roads pacing"

"Got the boys' pulses racing"

"Wait up baby, take a breath! "

"Yeah take a breath"

Today, I have a house, a scooter, and a happy family.

They all have cellphones with unlimited data packs.

But that's not my idea of success.

Success to me is when I see their eyes well with pride for me.

My brother doesn't have to work.

- Why? - Why should he?

When there's passive income coming in comfortably...

...why bother the prince of the house?

Herbal is the future of pharma.

What's the point of selling these medicines?

- What's the point? - Exactly! There's no point-

On point! That's how Medi-pharma's representatives should be!

Look at you new trainees waddling around with pamphlets...

Boss, ask them if they know Doctor Bindra's three 'why's?

Why should doctor honour his prescription with your medicine?

Why should he give time and listen to you?

Why should he use your company pen?

Why do you smell like a dustbin?

Miss Baby, that's four whys.

Go take a bath first!

Boss, what kind of boys are you hiring these days?

They'll drive the company to the ground.

I'll teach them how sales are made. Come on!

"Just take a breath"

"Just take a breath"

Put the brakes.

"Yeah she's busy plotting plans"

- Get a side. - "But she's never on time"

"But when she'll meet your eyes"

"She'll cause a traffic jam"

"Baby's crazy, yo! "

"She dances in the club"

"And her moves are sick"

"She's the center of the hub"

"She's a bit of a thug"

"A cuss in every line she says"

"She ain't no sparkler or bomb"

- Don't talk nonsense with me. - "She's a fireworks display! "

- Keep it down. - BOOM.

"All of Amritsar's her shindig"

"The boys they're spinnin' With all her diggin"

"This strapping young Gabru Has fallen for you"

"Don't be so rude, you Be tender or I'll rue"

"The world's running on your fuel"

"But what you sayin' with your eyes"

"No one got a goddamn clue"

"Wait up Baby, take a breath!"

"Yeah, take a breath"

"It's your boy Gabru"

"Yeah take a breath"

You sell your own medicines. Why criticize ours?

Because our medicines are better.

- Their company is also better. - What rubbish.

Doctor, get two glasses of water and you'll see...

Whose medicine gets mixed and whose gets nixed!

What will that prove?

What?

Doctor, tell him... what it will prove?

Do it and prove.

Okay, tell me what this proves?

You don't know?

Let our star representative explain.

Sir I was bluffing to make a sale.

A bluff is a bluff, if it succeeds...

What you did isn't bluffing, it's buffoonery!

Shut up!

God save us.

I keep asking for her photos

to find her a match, but she never sends them!

Don't mind me saying this, but Baby's a total liar!

Baby, what's your Uncle saying?

You haven't emailed your photos?

I told you to send the ones from Sheetu's wedding.

But Mom, you're in them too!

So what if I'm in them?

What if they fancy you instead?

Oh God... It's all a joke to you!

Hello? Why do you need her photo now?

I've created Baby's profile on a matrimonial website.

Forget Hoshiarpur, she'll be flooded with proposals from all of Punjab now!

You wait and watch!

Show her the guy in the pink shirt. So smart, I tell you!

Looks just like Al Pacino!

- Really? - Yes!

Look.

What? Why are you laughing? He's handsome!

Mom, you married such a handsome man like Dad...

And I get this scarecrow? Why?

Go to hell.

You just don't want to get married!

Really?

If I get married and go, who'll run the house? This slob?

And how will we afford another wedding?

Why? Your uncle helped us with Sheetu's wedding...

He'll sponsor yours too!

Your brother-in-law isn't that generous!

He won't even donate blood for free, let alone sponsor my wedding.

Wait a minute. What do you mean?

Don't act so naïve, Uncle.

It's barely been a month since the wedding...

...and you're already calculating interest.

Forget it, it's useless trying.

She wants to remain a spinster.

No one cares about me in this house!

Got the youngest sister married first... now you are after the eldest one.

No one spares a thought for this eligible lad sitting unhitched at home!

Oh God! Take me with you!

Hold on a minute, Mom.

Sheetu's nine months younger than me, and you got her married first.

- Listen... - Wait a minute, Uncle.

Imagine the things they must be saying about me in the family.

Don't get stressed, my dear. There's no hurry.

Pay me back comfortably after three months. Okay?

It's lakhs of rupees, Uncle.

How can I pay it back in three months?

I'm just not destined for happiness!

Take your time... Or you could sell me this outhouse...

Simple!

Don't say that, Uncle.

This home is all we are left with...

The only memory of Dad we can hold on to.

Look Baby, I don't beat around the bush.

If you can't pay the loan, never mind.

Take some more money and get a big house in the village.

I'll open a small boutique for my daughter Chinki here.

Yes, it's Baby.

What?

This morning at Hoshiarpur's Clock Tower...

...a man named Jhalla Halwai shot and killed Hakim Tara Chand AKA Mamaji.

The incident took a curious turn when Jhalla Halwai surrendered to the police...

...claiming that he was suffering from a sexual disorder...

...and that Mamaji's medicine ruined his life.

Mama was a very dangerous man!