Ash vs Evil Dead

Hello.

Who the hell are you?

I'm your new best friend.

He's behind all of this.

Maybe we could help each other out.

Let's get this motherfucker.

Oh, shit! His real hand.

I hope your weird Brujo uncle can help us out.

I'll look inside of you.

You want me to take an acid trip?

Oh, no, you--

Uh, everything all right in there?

Who's fuckin' with who now, huh?!

And then he started

speaking in tongues,

and- and it looked like he was having a seizure and then,

that's when he grabbed me by the throat,

and started to strangle me.

And the name of this demon, are you sure it was "Eligos?"

I'm positive, because he said it just like that.

He said, "I am Eligos,"

and that was right before his eyes went completely black,

and then you guys came in, thank God.

Fuck, what a story!

What a fuckin' bullshit story that is!

Oh my God. ASH: I would've never--

It must've gotten inside Ash back at the book store.

And that's why we never fool with demons.

Your Uncle Esteban fooled with demons,

and look what happened to him.

Disgusting.

I just don't understand why we didn't see it sooner.

Nothin' to see.

Eligos is a demon of the mind.

He's a manipulator.

He snare your friend after the summoning,

and slowly worked deep into his brain,

until the vision quest popped him up to fruition.

No, there's nobody inside of me!

You must be right,

I mean, look at how he's reacting to what you say.

... 'cause you're fuckin' lyin' through your teeth!

Pablo, take Kelly,

get me boiling water, chicken, and my 10 inch Ginsu.

'Kay, the one with the carving blade,

not the bread knife.

The fuck are you gonna do with that?

Not the bread knife. Okay, good.

The bread knife was expensive.

I don't wanna ruin it.

Ese mi amigo.

What are you gonna do to Ash, huh?

I'm gonna try to exorcise

this monster before it's too late.

With a knife? If it comes to that, yes.

With a fuckin' knife?

I'm sorry, I just wanna be 100% here.

You're gonna cut Ash with a knife?

What kind of fuckin' witch doctor are you, man?

Possessions can be physical, as well as spiritual.

I know somethin', Kelly. For example,

there's a lobe in the brain where such demons can be festering.

The lobe can be removed.

All he's gonna lose is just his sense of smell,

and any feeling of pleasure from the waist down.

What?

You're cuttin' my balls off?!

Oh, no.

Okay, what happens if you can't get the demon out that way, huh?

Then I will do what I must.

Okay?

Your soul will be mine.

I'm sorry, Ash.

Her eyes just turned black!

Do you hear me?!

She's a fuckin' demon!

I'm not a little kid, yeah.

It's like, "Oh yeah, go get the boiling water,

"And the chicken carcass,

"And the Ginsu knife."

Man, he took every single one

of those items without even lookin' at me, once.

Pablo... I mean this is shitty.

It's like I feel like I'm the sous-chef

of his exorcism kitchen.

Pablo.

Oh, man. Exorcisms are the worst.

This is bad.

My Uncle Esteban had an exorcism once,

and that shit was straight up scary.

Pablo!

You need to calm down.

How? Can- can you tell me?

How can we be calm when Ash is clearly... ?

Ash is the one who wanted to summon the demon

in the first place, right?

Yeah.

You trust the Brujo, don't you?

Yeah... Then you need to let him do what he does best,

and what we need to do is just stay calm.

We need a drink.

Alcohol?

Right now? You want alcohol right now?

Oh, why not?

Nothing we can do until the Brujo is finished with Ash.

Well, what do you mean "Finished?"

You know... healed.

Right.

Any idea where he keeps his stuff?

Man girdle, okay.

Extra large love glove.

Gross.

Weed!

Ash was holdin' out on us, huh?

It is not bad.

Yeah, I don't know that um, getting high

is the best plan for right now--

It is absolutely the best plan.

Go find us a pipe.

This is some bullshit.

Just relax. It's gonna take a minute.

There's a killer on the loose,

and I'm sittin' here waitin' for this decomposed hand

to lead me to him,

and by the way, I'm not in the mood to relax.

Okay, how's the possession work anyway,

and how does Ash create those things?

I used to be like you.

What is that supposed to mean?

I used to think everything had to be orderly.

Logical, life should make sense

the way I thought it should make sense.

So you don't believe that things should make sense?

Amanda... you know how respiration works?

Air travels down into your... lungs,

and oxygen and CO2 are exchanged.

I passed sixth grade science.

But when you were a baby, did you understand?

Of course not.

Of course not, 'cause you were not concerned

about the logic of things.

You just kept on breathing,

and that's what I want you to do.

Just, just keep on breathing, okay?

Hello.

Oh, uh, what are you doing?

I got sick of waiting.

Oh, don't worry,

my cousin used to get high this way

with his soldier buddies in Iraq.

Ah, well, it- it seems like it's dangerous.

It's not loaded... but I am.

Did you change?

Join me.

Okay, full disclosure, weed makes me really paranoid.

So, why don't I just grab a, um, Mountain Dew?

I'll pound that,

and it'll just give me a really nice buzz and--

Come on, just one hit.

I'll make it worth your while.

Come on.

Damn, oh, yeah, ah...

yeah, oh- okay, that sounds good.

So...

I- I think I know what's happening here,

and um, I um...

I've been, I've been,

I've been wanting to umm...

get closer to you,

for a really long time now, so...

How close?

Like really close.

Like you know, more than friends?

Is that something that you want?

Yes.

Nice.

Tell me, Eligos,

how do you feel about sanctified charms?

They usually inspire more rage than that.

To the blood ritual, then.

I just- I just wanna make sure

that we're on the same page, you know?

Like I'm just, I'm just checkin' in, you know?

Makin' sure that you're heard and- and...

You wanna be with me, right?

Like boyfriend, girlfriend?

Same milkshake, different straws.

Maybe share a pussy, cat?

Yes.

I wanna be with you.

Bad.

Uh, 'cause you know,

I can see what's inside of you, Kelly,

and I want you to know that I think it's beautiful.

What's inside of me,

cannot wait, to tear you up.

Now...

stop wasting time.

Oh, do you remember the first time we met?