Fear, Inc.

I told you I wanted to cancel this thing.

Ma'am, you asked for this.

Please, help! Anybody!

Please, just... Please make it stop!

Okay, this is just way too fucking much! Okay? This isn't what I asked for.

Hold please. - (ELEVATOR MUSIC PLAYING)

Seriously?

- (METAL SCRAPING) - (GASPS)

Ugh!

Please cancel it! Stop it!

Shit!

Whoa!

Every... Everything all right, ma'am?

Yeah, yeah, no. I'm... I'm just, uh...

Sorry, I'm just a little bit flustered 'cause I...

I basically, like, paid for this thing and then it just...

It turned out to be a really bad idea.

But I'm just...

I'm just trying to get to my car.

Yeah. Listen...

If you see anything strange out here, my office is right over there.

- Don't hesitate. - (SMACKS LIPS)

Okay.

- All right? - Thank you.

Now, goodnight.

All right, I don't have eyes on her. I haven't seen her.

I think she's headed to the roof.

10-4, she took the elevator.

Where is security? Something's up with security.

- He just intercepted her. So she's headed to the car?

She's already in the car.

She's in the fucking car?

No.

Fuck, no.

Nope. Nope. Nope.

Nope, nope, nope. Ah!

God damn it, sunshine! Fuck you!

Fuck you, you 13-year-old son of a bitch.

Don't you got algebra or something?

God damn it!

Stick our fruit in mason jars

Snapping peas in the backyard

I've been a year now With my hands in the dirt

Blood on my fingers can't show it hurts so

- (TIRES SCREECHING) - (CRASHING)

What the fuck?

I ain't gonna make it if the workin' ain't done

The workin' ain't done till the setting sun

Yes!

Come on. Come on.

Boom! Oh!

Mr. Davis says I got a sporting right hand

We gonna see him next Sunday comes

Oh, I can't keep a livin' Livin' this hard

Seriously?

Oh, babe. Get in.

Doesn't look like the garage has been touched.

Oh, no, no, no. I have had a very productive day.

I just thought that this was the perfect way to end it.

Joe, you said that you would help out around here

while you were on the hunt for a new job.

Oh, I am. No, I am.

Babe, oh, don't get pissed. Ah... It's date night.

Date night. Whoo!

You look great.

Hold on. I'm coming over.

It's not exactly a candlelit dinner.

I mean, how was I supposed to know it was gonna be this lame?

Ah, check this out.

I guarantee you somebody's gonna jump out and scare 'em

in three, two...

- (SCREAMS) - (BOTH EXCLAIM)

Hey, look at that.

Genius.

Ha! No, okay, okay.

- You go first. - No, thanks.

Ooh, looks like someone has had a long night.

Joe, that's very rude.

Oh!

Okay, we'll, uh...

We're gonna be moving on.

Ooh, I read about this online.

Okay, this guy right here, in the beautiful cape,

was thrown off the Great Wall right after they finished...

Finished construction.

"Beware: Emperor Qin Shihuang was murdered by a builder

"while overseeing construction of The Great Wall of China.

"Anyone who takes a photograph of his body is killed within a week."

- (SHUTTER CLICKS) - (JOE EXHALES)

Cool. Ah!

- No! Don't do that! - Oh, it's so good.

I got the face and everything.

Please delete it.

Thank you.

- Thank you. - Yeah.

- Joe? - Hmm?

I think I already know the answer to this question.

- You do? - But...

Did you ever get back to my dad about that job?

- Oh... - It sounded like a great opportunity.

No, I did not.

- But... - Oh, dear.

I was just, you know... I'm gonna find one.

I just don't wanna settle for the first opportunity that...

You know, that comes knocking.

The main thing is I don't wanna be taking advantage of my parents.

Look, the main thing is this place is kinda...

I mean, it was fun, but it just kinda...

It also sucked.

You know, it's just not scary.

Okay, it's not fun, and it is scary.

If you weren't scared, I don't know how scared you want to be.

I wanna cry.

I wanna cry like the...

Like the last time I watched The Notebook.

I want to just be ripped to shreds.

I want James Garner to destroy me.

Oh, baby.

I just wanna be scared a little bit. I just wanna shake in my boots.

- I'm pregnant. - (CHUCKLES) Hah!

Does... No... Don't even.

Hey.

May I help you?

This ain't scary enough, huh?

Sorry?

Sorry, I'm not trying to be nosey.

I just overheard you guys saying this wasn't scary enough.

Couldn't agree more.

If you ever wanna be really scared, just call that number.

Custom scares just for you.

I promise you will not be disappointed.

Okay, man. Uh... Thanks.

You're so welcome. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Okay. Have a good one, buddy.

And you.

- That was normal. - (ALL SCREAM)

Nice and normal.

Baby, I'm positive

that man didn't steal your phone or your wallet.

He was at our table for less than two minutes.

Well, I had it to get funnel cake, and now it's not in the car,

and between that time a weirdo in a clown mask

who was paid minimum wage to scare children for a living

came into our lives. So...

You know what? I bet you left it on the counter.

I'll call them tomorrow.

Hey, Joe.

Joe. Joe.

It's me, Bill, from next door.

I know, Bill.

Well, we sure have missed you at the last...

Let me think, six neighborhood watch meetings.

I know. Tuesdays are tough.

You know, work and such.

Well, Joe, just think about it like this.

Work is important, yes, but you know what else is important?

Being part of a team.

A team with the most important priority, safety.

Yeah, it sounds dramatic, Bill.

Uh, just think about it, Joe.

I will. Scouts honor.

Oh, wait, I didn't know you were a scout.

Oh, my gosh. This neighborhood's so nice.

It is insane.

It's insane that it's 90 degrees,

and it's sunny on Halloween.

I mean, come on. Babe, that's weird. Right?

Wow!

Check out the gate. Look at that.

You got to keep the paparazzi out.

- Hi. - A Prius?

You drive a fucking Prius?

- Are you... Hi. - Hi.

Do you hate your freedom, Joe? Is that it?

I mean, do you have any idea how many people have died

for your right to be gluten free or whatever?

It's great mileage, you fucking asshole.

Wow! Give me the tour before all the kale salad goes bad.

Yeah.

Thank you guys again for letting us stay with you.

- Yeah. Yeah, of course.

There's no sense in spending money on an expensive hotel.

Wow!

Oh, man.

Your life is different than my life.

Yeah.

You really married up, my friend.

Hashtag, blessed.

Come on, man. The "m" word.

Put a dollar in the swear jar, man.

No way.

Hey, honey. They got tetherball.

- (MIMICS BANE) I was born in darkness. (GASPS) Oh!

Okay. I wonder what we break first.

Your spirit or your body.

Time! Oh, you suck!