Jess Plus None

Oh, my gosh, Sam, that feels so good.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, Sam, I love you so much.

Just a little higher.

Yeah, oh, God. Oh, my God.

A little higher.

Okay, yeah, right there.

Oh. Yeah, right there.

Oh, yeah, a little higher.

That's it, higher, right there. Get it, get in there.

Oh, my God. Oh, God. I think I'm gonna cum.

Oh, my God, I think I'm gonna...

Oh, God, Sam, I love you so mu--

Oh, my God.

You have one new voice message.

New message.

- Hey, Jessica. It's Clifford.

I think your friend Melanie's wedding is this weekend,

and I know you've been super busy,

but I'd still love to take you.

If you're going. Okay, bye.

Stupid. Okay.

-Hey. -Hm?

Should we--should we take some baby wipes?

You know, in case we get any tent business going.

Oh, my God.

Really? That one?

Hey.

Hey. I just wanna make sure you're okay.

You don't have to be nervous or anything.

Yeah, well I'm-- I'm totally nervous.

Well, don't be. God, that's why I'm calling.

Hold on.

Mm, I still got it. Okay, look.

What happened between you and Sam is your business.

What everybody else thinks doesn't matter.

All right? Just be yourself.

What? Are--are people saying something?

- Oh, shit! I spilled the curacao.

-What? -Well, we're serving blue lagoons.

You have to have curacao. Otherwise, they're just lagoons.

No, no, I mean, are people still mad at me? Are they?

'Cause that was--it was eight months ago, you know?

I'm sure it's fine, okay? That's why I'm calling.

Is Mel mad at me?

Because we haven't talked, you know, in--

Let's go, lover. I wanna beat traffic.

Okay, honey. I gotta go.

Wait, Peter?

You are a treasure and we all love you.

It's gonna be great.

- Let's go, Nate! Bye, guys! - Okay.

Okay, Maxine, you know where the fire extinguisher is.

-Yeah. -You know first-aid kit.

-Yeah. -Neighbors know we're going outta town.

But if you need to check in, we'll have our phones on us.

-Nate? -Yeah, okay, okay.

Come here, big man.

Okay. All right, you gonna be a good boy?

-You gonna listen up? Yeah? -Yeah.

-Yeah. -Wanna say goodbye to Mommy?

Let's say goodbye to Mommy.

-Bye, Mommy. -Bye!

All right, bye, kiddo. -Okay.

-Bye. -Okay. All right, bye.

-Okay. Okay, I'm gone, okay. -Have the best time.

Come here. Come here, come here, come here, come here.

Oh, God. Oh, I love you.

Okay, we're good.

Okay, I love you, I love you.

-I love you, buddy! -All right, he heard you.

Okay.

Okay.

Hi, this is Karen. Leave me a message.

- Hey, Karen, it's your sis. What up, milady?

Just on my way to Mel's wedding,

which is, you know, super awkward for me

- because Sam is gonna be there--

Shoot.

- Hey, Karen, it's your sister.

Just on my way to Mel's wedding, you know,

she's marrying Greg, I still can't believe it

'cause, you know, he is not the guy I saw her with but--

- Are you still there? - What the fu--?

-What are you doing? -Nate, please.

-You don't smoke. -Honey, I just wanna have fun this weekend, okay?

So just try and relax and not make me and my friends tense.

I never make you and your friends tense.

Oh.

This is the whole time?

Yeah, the whole time.

Hey, Karen, it's your sister.

Just on my way to this shit storm of a wedding

'cause you know, hey, friendship.

Even though Mel hasn't liked a single

picture or post of mine in months--

- Sorry, would you like to record a message? - What the fuck is happening?

Coming up on this week's edition

of "Death in Murder Town."

A murder.

Fuck this.

Text Peter.

Here are Derek Jeter's career stats in the MLB.

Goddammit. Oh, God.

Hey, are you there yet, question mark?

Wanted to see if we could grab a drink

before we head up, period.

Call me, exclamation point.

What the f--

I didn't even--God.

Text Peter.

- Which Peter would you like to text? - -Goddammit!

Peter Franklin. Peter Boston.

...cute houses that litter the valley.

This is the town's sheriff.

- Nothing ever happens here. -He's guilty.

-Oh, yeah, guilty as sin. -It's just a quiet, sleepy suburb.

That's what they all say, isn't it?

Okay.

Okay.

Stop it.

Sam, we're gonna be late.

Oh, God.

Oh, God, I fucking love you.

Oh!

Oh, Sam, I never

shoulda...

- Hey. - Hey -- Oh, hey.

There you are. How's it-- hey, how's it going?

It's good. I'm good. I'm good, you?

I'm good. You know me.

Hey, I was wondering if-- are you going

to Melanie's wedding this weekend?

I just hadn't heard, but it's this weekend, right?

Oh, God, are you sure?

I'm pretty sure. I had it in the calendar.

I think--I think they might have changed it, though.

Actually, I--I saw Peter's post,

and I think they're headed there now.

Oh.

Yes, it is. It is this weekend.

But you know what? I'm not--I'm not sure,

Cliff, if I'm gonna go.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

I thought you were the maid of honor.

Yeah.

Yes, no, I am. I am the maid of honor.

You know, which means I'll probably--

I will probably go, but I'm just, um...

I don't think I'm gonna stay that long so...

Oh, that's too bad.

Yeah. Yeah, like, I'm on my way there right now.

But I, um-- I don't know, you know.

I'm probably just gonna be in and out.

And it just-- you know what?

I just feel so bad, you know?

It's not gonna be that much fun for you, you know.

But you know what? Maybe we could hang on Sunday.

You know, do John Oliver or something.

You sure? I don't mind going up for the day.

Honestly, I don't mind, Jess.

Shoot, Cliff?

Do you want me to meet you at--Jess?

Shoot, are you there, Cliff?

Jess, I can hear you. Can you hear me?

If you can hear me-- if you can hear me, Cliff,

-don't worry, it's nothing. -Jess?

-You're not missing anything, okay? -Jess! Jess!

-I will see you on Sunday. -Okay, Sunday then. Sounds good.

So what time you think you'll be headed over?

Shoot, I can't hear you. Bye-bye, Cliff. Bye-bye, bye-bye.

Thanks, honey. Yeah, we don't--we definitely wanna bring the cooler

like sooner rather than later before everything like starts to melt.

Is that Jessica?

-Hi. -I'll be right there.

Yes, poor thing.

Last single girl of the group and she used to date the best man.

It's literally every woman's nightmare.

Who's the best man?

Sam.

Samantha, honey, you met her at the engagement party.

-The best man's a woman? -Oh, my God!

Like seriously, when you blurt stuff out like that, I don't even know what to think.

It's like, you've seen The L Word. This isn't news.

-Hey. Hi. -Hey, Jess.

-Hi. -Hi. Oh, my gosh.

Hey, Nate.

-Hey. -Hi. Yeah, you look great.

-Oh. -How's work?

-It's-- -Oh, I mean, well, I saw in the alumni newsletter

you're doing like a teen blog thing.

Okay, yeah, it's going great.

It's going so great I'm actually, um...

-talking with Tinder. -Oh.

Yeah, yeah, I have this, um, this great idea

for an online teen tween dating site thing.

-Wow. -Yeah.

Wow, I've never thought of a dating site for teens.

Mm-hm, yeah. Yeah, it's more of like future brand building,