Schitt's Creek

David! Alexis!

Time to leave for breakfast.

Honestly David, why are you not ready?

I'm not going.

How is it that a moth can find its way

into a triple locked titanium suitcase?!

The perils of owning cashmere.

Alexis! Please, dear!

Alexis hasn't been here for a week and a half.

She's at Mutt's.

Well, that's simply not true.

I had breakfast with her just yesterday.

That was me!

We had a lengthy conversation about hosiery and menopause.

Again, that was me.

Hello? Anyone here?

Oh, hey.

Could I get you to take a quick look at my muffler?

Oh, I'm - I'm sorry, I don't work here.

Oh, that's... 'cause you're behind the desk,

and everything.

Oh yeah, no, I mean I "work" here,

but I don't actually work "here... " in the garage.

I mean, I am working, here in the garage,

but I don't work for the garage. I'm...

So you don't know anything about mufflers?

'cause I think it's just a loose connection on the bottom.

Yeah, Bob will be back in a minute,

and I think that's your best bet,

Just you know, 'cause he comes and goes, and...

Okay, well, maybe I'll just... go to another garage.

Yeah, yeah. Well, sorry, I uh, couldn't help.

Hey Johnny, I just went out and got me a muffin.

Bob, a customer was just in here,

and he was saying he had a problem with a muffler.

Oh yeah? What uh, what'd it end up being?

Well, I don't know, I didn't go out and look!

- Oh? - I'm not a mechanic!

Well, I don't expect you to know everything,

but you know, if a client of yours came in here,

I'd certainly talk to them.

Well, I hope you wouldn't.

Well, not that I have to worry,

I know you're a little low on clients.

That's because I'm building a business, Bob.

And right now I'm in strategy mode,

looking for opportunities,

and eventually I will implement a plan.

Well, if you feel like uh,

you might like to implement a muffler, be my guest.

Because I can't afford to lose any customers right now, Johnny,

Especially ah, when I'm giving away free office space.

Question.

The cedar planks out behind the motel,

are they being used for something,

or are they up for grabs?

How do you know it's cedar?

Um, I bought a cologne once, in Japan,

that's supposed to smell like the aftermath

of a car crashing into a cedar tree.

Why would anyone wanna smell like that?

- Hmm? - You know what?

Never mind, the cedar is yours.

Thank you so much.

Um, If I may,

what are you planning on doing with a pile of wood?

Oh. Um...

A family of moths seem to have mistaken

my cashmere sweaters for an Atlantic City

all-you-can-eat buffet.

And I plan on putting a stop to that.

So I'm building a cedar chest for my knits.

You're planning on building a cedar chest?

That's correct.

You are.

- You're gonna build it? - It's a box!

So you're just nailing some planks of wood together.

Anyway, if you've seen the state of my sweaters,

you'd know that I have very little choice in the matter.

- So thank you. - Okay well, don't let me

stand in the way of your handiwork!

- Mhmm. - May the force be with you.

Thank you so much.

Thank you, genuinely.

Honestly, you're so great.

Oh, Twyla...

Twyla!

Twyla!

Uh, be right there, Mrs. Rose.

- Hi, Moira! - Hello, everyone.

Hey.

- I'll see you guys later. - Yeah, see you at two.

Yeah.

Sorry about that, I wasn’t sure whether you were waiting

for your family, or a friend...

No, just an intimate breakfast, nothing special,

no big "ladies' bruncheon" for me.

Ladies' bruncheon?

Well, whatever that was. A gathering of the girls, I...

- Oh, you mean the Jazzagals. - I do?

Yeah, the Jazzagals is our singing group.

A singing group? What fun.

Yeah, Jocelyn started it a few years ago,

and it's been great.

We even went to New York once.

Oh, a trip to the big city. How grand!

Let me guess, a bucket of shrimp in Times Square,

followed by a "Lion King" matinee!

No, actually, we performed in Central Park.

C-Central Park? Really?

Yeah! For the "Little Towns, Big Voices" Festival.

You do realize I am a professional vocalist.

Oh, really?

I thought you were in like, a soap opera.

Oh, I didn't know you were a fan, thank you!

My roots are in the theater.

Especially musicals. Anything "Andy" Webber!

Wow! So did you record an album?

Oh, yes, you'll find me on ensemble tracks

seven, nine, and thirteen of the original cast recording of Starlight...

"Starlight Express."

Well, then you should definitely talk to Jocelyn!

She would love to have you in the group.

Or perhaps Jocelyn should speak to me.

Yeah. Menu?

Yes please, I'm still not quite off book.

Aaah!

Uh huh?

Uh, hey, I just came by for Alexis,

she wanted me to grab some uh...

- Cute looks for... - Cute looks for the barn?

- Yeah. - Yeah, in the closet.

Everything okay?

Yeah, I'm just um...

I'm just doing some measurements, I'm measuring something, so.

Why don't you use a measuring tape?

Ah, because we don't have one.

- Did you ask Stevie if maybe the motel has one?

Um... yeah, I haven't got...

I hadn't thought of... I didn't think of that.

- So what are you measuring, exactly? - Um...

It's a really tragic story,

involving some damaged luxury cashmere.

And so I am building a cedar chest for my sweaters.

So I'm just measuring how big to make the chest.

- Well, I've built a chest before. - Yeah?

And I have some time, um...

Do you want some help?

You know what? That could be good.

Well, how far along are you?

Um, I'm this far.

I can't come in, But I do have some good news.

That's great.

What's your news?

Well, a little bird chirped in my ear

about your singing group.

Oh, you mean the Jazzagals.

Yes, at first I wondered aloud

why would a competitive vocal group

not reach out to a trained chanteuse?

Oh, we're just a group of gals.

Exactly, that's the answer.

Small minds don't reach for the stars.

No more! Not on my watch.

Jocelyn, I am here!

You wanna audition for the Jazzagals?

Au-Audition!

Uh, though I'm sure you mean no offense,

in the actual world of entertainment,

I'm what's known as, "offer only."

Moira, I know you're a great singer,

everybody has to audition,

and I can't have you not audition,

it would open up a whole can of worms,

I mean, even Gwen had to audition,

and she was in a regional production of "Annie."

Who hasn't been?

Listen, we would love to have you,

you think about it.

Okay...

Bob? You've got a customer!

Bob!

Yeah, the owner's just stepped out, uh, but,

maybe... I can help you?

Hey.

Has Paul Bunion finished his box?

Who?

I'm going to need some things for the chest.

Like the number for a carpenter?

Like, a work bench, a miter saw,

two bar clamps, and some dowels.

Okay... do you know how to use a miter saw?

Um, no. Mutt is out back,

and he's asked me to get these things for him.

Um, we're building the chest together. So...

Wow, this whole thing just got a lot weirder.

There's a tool shed out back, the other side of the motel.

- Okay. - Will you be requiring a tool box?

Maybe?

Um, let's go with yes, just to be safe.