The Small World of Sammy Lee

Kept me awake all night. It was chronic.

Didn't get no sleep.

- Are you looking for someone, dear? - Er, er, Mr Lee.

- Who? - Mr Sammy Lee.

- Never one 'ere before 11, love. - Oh.

Oh, well, thank you. I'll come back later.

All right, ducks.

Right.

And up... 25.

Hm?

Your 25. And up 25.

I owe the bank 47, right?

I raise you 50 quid.

That makes £150 that you owe us.

All right, all right. I know.

I'll call your 50. What have you got?

Ace-high straight, right?

Full house. Queens on nines.

I thought you was supposed to be lucky.

- Ted, how about some coffee? - Blimey! Look at the time.

- One more hand, eh? - Sorry. The game's over.

Oh, you're kidding? At least give me a chance to get my shirt back.

- Don't push your luck, Sammy. - Do me a favour.

Sammy, this isn't my game. I'm just the dealer.

You know who runs this gaff.

- So now you owe Connor 150. - Why don't you let it go at that?

Get your paper!

World Broadcast! Paper! First edition!

First edition!

- Make up your mind. - Mr Sammy! How are you?

- Hello, Nick. - How come you don't eat here no more?

So, how come I don't eat no more.

- First-edition paper! - Hello, Lofty.

- Paper! - What's good today?

Jacko. First race. Newmarket.

Yeah. 25-1. You must be out of your mind.

It'll be back in the stables, having a kip,

before the others have left the starting gate.

- Paper! - 'Ere. Buy yourself a pair of elevators.

Papefl

Hello, Johnny.

Oh. Black coffee, please, Torn.

Aye-aye, Sammy. You're up early, ain't ya?

- Hello. - Hiya, man. What gives?

What do you Emmy, AW?

Jacko in the first.

Yeah?

What time have you got?

Hm? 9:30.

A“. .. do you wanna buy a watch'?

And what makes you think I wanna buy a watch?

Well, you asked me the time, didn't you?

If I ask you the way to Buckingham Palace,

it don't mean I wanna buy the bloody place, does it?

Connors. Account number 5468.

Lee. Sammy Lee.

You got it? Right, now the first race, Newmarket...

What'? I'm sorry, I can't hear you. You what?

What do you mean, you can't accept any more bets from me?

Certainly. I know I'm over my credit limit, but I...

Yeah. Yeah.

Look, you're not talking to one of your two-bob punters now, you know.

I shall have to talk to Mr Connor about this.

He wants to talk to me?

Er, no. I can't talk to him now, dear. I can't hear a thing here.

I say I can't hear a thing. I'll call him back, right?

- Hello, Barney. - Hello, Sammy boy. You all right?

Yeah. You?

- Mustn't complain. - Yeah.

Well, see ya.

- Bye. - Bye, darlin'.

Oscar?

Oscar?

Kitty, kitty, kitty!

Oscar?

Do you know there are people who get up at eight o'clock,

and go to bed every night at ten?

No? There are. Thousands of 'em.

What do they do, then?

All sorts of things. Bank clerks, bus drivers, that sort of thing.

Oh, yeah? They must be idiots.

Oh, they are, mate. Proper nits.

- Who is it? - Are you respectable?

- Oh. Depends what you mean, don't it? - Hmm. Pity.

I was hoping to pop in, and find you starkers.

I should've thought you had enough of that in your game.

But that's not the same, is it, dar|in"?

It's like being a nurse or something. It doesn't put you up all together, does it?

I wouldn't know. I've never been a nurse.

- You seen Oscar? - Oscar? Who the hell's Oscar?

- My cat, Oscar. - Oh, that.

It doesn't seem right for man to have a cat.

- Oh? - You should have a dog or something.

A cat? A bit poofy, innit?

- What do you want, anyway? - Oh, nothing, darlin'.

So, what happened to you last night? I never heard you come in.

Oh, a little poker game.

Oh, yeah? How much did you lose?

Enough.

- Well, if you're stuck, darlin'... - Forget it.

- Oh, don't be silly. - I said forget it!

Aren't you gonna answer it?

Light up your number four.

Down a bit. Right, hold it there.

- How's that, guv? - Great. Down the run-out, darlin'.

Now the waggling bit.

Order another six crates of Scotch.

Hit the spot up the top here, Fred.

So waggle it! Waggle it!

I am waggling it!

- Remind me to get rid of that slag. - Oh, she's not too bad.

You kidding? That kid looks like misery's mother-in-law.

Stand by, Fred.

- Wait for the light change! - It came too late.

No, you was too early.

Look, I go "boom," then the turning bit, then the blackout.

Look, if you drop that scarf, all them bleedin' lights go out,

we'll all go "boom" right in the nick.

- Sort it out, Jim, will ya? - Yeah. Right.

- And what do you want? - I've come to see Mr Lee.

Oh, yeah? Sort this out, will ya? What for?

Well, he said he'd find me a job.

Oh, did he? And what makes you think he could give you a job'?

This is his club, isn't it?

There's one born every minute, isn't there?

- How old are you? - 18.

Do anything'? I mean, sing or dance or...?

Well, I can't sing, but I can dance.

- You sure you're 18? - Yes, I am.

- Come in the office. - Mr Lee said...

Now, listen, kid, Sammy Lee's the compere of this show, right?

My name's Gerry Sullivan. If anybody gets employed, I employ them, right?

- All right. - Come on.

Shut the door.

- What's your name, then? - Patsy.

Patsy. Well, come on, let's have a look at ya.

- Well, come on. - What do you want me to do?

Look here, this is a strip club, right?

For all I know, under that gear, you might be a man. Never know these days.

Hello'? Yeah. Are you kidding?

Of course I'm gonna appeal. A £2,000 fine? What a liberty!

Come on, kid. I haven't got all day.

Don't give me...

There was three members of parliament and two barristers in the audience!

Yeah... I know.

Look, kid, do you want the job or don't you? What are you talking about?

What do you mean their name? Smith! What else?

Yeah.

You're not kidding.

I'm seeing my solicitor tomorrow.

Yeah. Definitely. Don't you think I know that? That's what I told him!

OK. So long.

- What's the matter? Can't you knock? - Sorry, Gerry.

Sammy!

Patsy.

Well... what are you doing here?

- Well... - Kid's looking for a job.

Oh, yeah'? You don't wanna work here, do you, Patsy?

- If the kid wants a job... - You didn't waste much time, did you?

You shouldn't have made all them big promises, should you, Sammy boy?

As far as I'm concerned, you can start today, if you like.

20 quid a week, all right?

Only make up your mind.

What do you wanna see me about? If it's money, forget it.

Oh, well, forget it, then.

- What do you think? -Hm?

Oh, er, well, please yourself, kid.

- I mean, you're a big girl, ain't ya'? - Well, you've changed, haven't you?

"Any time you're in London," he says, "look me up," he says.

- Well, you chose a bad time, pet. - I wasn't to know that, was I?

Anyway, 20 quid a week, it's not to be sniffed at, is it?

Any idea what sort of place this is?

Well, it's not the YWCA, I can see that.

Patsy, you don't wanna work in a dump like this.

Why not, Sammy? You work here, don't you?

Look, baby, I've seen it happen a million times before.

A girl gets off a train, she's got a suitcase in one hand, she has a job in a strip club,

whoom, three months later she's doing short times down the Bayswater Road.

I'm not that stupid. I can look after myself.

Oh, sure. You're so very clever. 18, you know all the answers.

It was your idea, remember, Sammy.

I know, darlin', but I got enough trouble without you dropping in out of the blue.

- I thought you'd be pleased to see me. - Very pleased.

- You wouldn't think so. - For crying out loud!

- If it's a job you're looking for... - Waiting on tables?

I don't know...

200 miles to wait on tables? I do that back home.

- Well, why don't you go back home, pet? - I can't.

Why not, hm?

You're not, erm... You're not in the family way, are you?

Oh, yes, it's very comical.

It was six months ago, Sammy. I think you'd have noticed before now.

- Oh, yeah. - Anyway, couldn't go home now.

I made the big exit, you know. Told my mum and dad what to do with it.

I think if I went back now, they'd murder me.

- Got a room? - No, I came straight off the train.

- Blimey. - I don't want to give you any trouble.

I'll talk to Gerry, see if I can fix you up with something.

- Oh, thanks. - Hm.

- You hadn't forgotten me, had you? - Of course I hadn't.