Kevin Can Wait

Rootger, come sit. Daily meeting.

- No, I can hear you from here. - No, no, that's why I got the table.

So we could have team meetings, like a real company.

So, I lost my desk

just so that we could have team meetings?

Yeah, and this one's getting off to a bumpy start

- because of that attitude. - Okay.

This table is pretty nice.

- Yeah. - Thank you, Rootger, very much. Yeah.

All right.

First order of business...

Hmm.

I have nothing. Vanessa, you have the floor.

It's all you. Go ahead.

Well, unfortunately,

I have to start on a bad note.

We did not get the security gig at the Billy Joel concert.

It went to Nassau Security.

Unbelievable. We lost out to those guys?

Well, they are ex-Navy SEALs. I mean...

Yeah. Ex. Have you seen 'em lately?

They look like actual seals.

All they do is they eat, and they lay...

Lay on the beach and stuff, like...

Continue. Continue. Go ahead. Go ahead.

We did get one account.

It's from a small law firm,

but it could lead to bigger things.

Okay. Hit me with it. Let's do it.

All right, well, it's a divorce case.

A woman thinks that her husband's cooking

the books to keep his alimony low.

He, uh... He owns Westbury Auto Mall.

All right, so I guess we got to get in there somehow,

locate the safe, and then just

figure out a way to crack it, right?

I can get some C-4.

Nah, I think it's a little too much club.

Probably take out the Hallmark store next to it.

We're not doing any of that. No one's cracking anything.

We got to do something, all right?

I say we go undercover,

get in there, and, believe me,

we'll get all the information we need.

Yeah, actually, you know what? That's not a bad idea.

I mean, I know the maintenance people there.

Maybe I can get in on the cleaning crew.

What do you mean, you? First of all,

I just said that. It was my idea.

I understand that, but you tend to lose focus.

Let me just get in there, get it done. In, out.

No. You're not a janitor.

Look at you, you're all prissy with your bracelets

and the jingles and, "Oh, I..."

Okay.

No. This... Look. This is a janitor.

- Yes. - Right? Thank you, Rootger.

I would also believe you as a... as a deli guy

who makes nice sandwiches.

Okay, you can go back outside now.

Excuse me?

Hello? Hi. Uh...

Sorry to startle you.

We're interested in the SUV you've got out there.

Oh, you know, I... I don't work in...

Does the third row go flat?

We need the extra space.

Well, it's definitely got the extra space. I know that.

And the third row does go flat.

I know it only 'cause of my buddy.

He's... He's got the exact same car.

Actually, a few months ago, he was on the way to a Jet game,

and his pregnant wife felt a little kick.

He pulls over... Boom!

She gives birth to twins right in the back.

All three of 'em,

comfortable as puppies on a pillow.

Wow. I believe you just sold us.

Guess we're pretty much ready to buy.

Did I just hear my favorite words?

"We're ready to buy"?

Jerry Benton, owner and proprietor.

Why don't you folks head down to the finance office?

Hope you brought your flip-flops,

'cause I'm gonna make you a deal

that's gonna knock your socks off.

- Very smooth, son. - Oh.

You been selling for us long?

No, no, no. I don't... I work in maintenance.

Not anymore, you don't.

I work off of instinct,

and my gut tells me you're a natural-born salesman.

Wow. Tell your gut thanks.

Tomorrow, wear a blazer.

I want you out here on the sales floor.

What was that?

Uh, that's Trevor. He just sold another car.

He's in first place this month,

but if I'm right about you,

you'll be at the top of that board in no time.

- Really? - Absolutely.

And the top spot gets you that Vespa.

Whoa.

It looks like the one Mario Batali rode

in Food Warriors.

It is the one.

Mario's a friend of mine.

I sold him his Buick Regal.

Well, I've always wanted a Vespa.

'Cause it feels like a Harley's a little too much.

And the moped, not quite enough.

But this Italian muffin here, she threads the needle.

You see that?

The language you're speaking,

it's just poetry.

You have a way with words.

You know what it is?

I, uh...

Every time I feel like that, um, some... I, um...

Thank you.

All right. I did it.

Good for you. Did what?

I signed up to audition for the school play.

You said you'd help me. So, let's do it.

Today? Oh, no, Jack. I'm sorry. I can't.

I have to be at Enzo's in like five minutes.

But my audition.

Audition?

Yeah. Yeah, Jack's going out for the school play.

Really? Huh.

I didn't realize there was a fellow thespian in the house.

That means he used to act.

Some call it "acting."

Others say that I "held a mirror up to society."

And that means he thinks he was good.

Okay, so, you can help him?

- I would love to. - Thank you.

All right, Jackie boy, let's dig into this material.

What are we performing? Hamlet? Othello?

It's called "Bullying: Don't Do It."

My gym teacher, Mr. Gronk, wrote it.

Oh, well. We all start somewhere.

But don't worry. I've got a lot of tricks in my bag.

Now, where does our journey begin?

Oh, I take some kid's milk and flick him in the ear.

Right. But that's probably just a metaphor for, um...

Oh, no. You just take some milk, flick a kid in the ear.

- Hey. - Hey. There you are.

Well, what'd you find out? Did you get the sales numbers?

I did not, but I got something way better.

A promotion.

Boom!

Jerry bumped me to sales.

What're you talking about?

What am I talking about? I sold three cars today.

A Camry, an Elantra, and then a...

Okay, what about the job that you were there to do?

Let me finish. And a Tahoe.

Bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl swing!

You do realize that Jerry's not your friend, right?

He's the guy that we're supposed to nail.

Yeah, speaking of nails, by the way, he gave me a nickname.

He calls me "The Hammer," because I hammer deals shut!

- Killin' it. - Okay. Hey. Hey!

- I need you to focus. - Yeah.

- Can you focus? - Yeah. I'm focused.

I spoke to the client.

She said that Jerry keeps his sales numbers

on a purple thumb drive in his safe.

Yeah, you know what? I saw it. It's in his office.

And, by the way, now that I'm a salesman,

I have access to that.

That is three-dimensional chess

- I'm playin', girl. - Great. Great, great, great, great, great.

Tomorrow, go in there and just get it done, okay?

I'm sorry. Who do you want to go in there?

- I am not calling you "The Hammer," so... - You just did.

"Hey, kid. Nice milk."

"Leave me alone, Duke."

"I will. Right after I drink your milk!"

Okay, hold. Hold.

That's a hold. What are you doing, Jack?

Well, I'm saying the lines.

Exactly. You're saying them.

I need you to feel them.

Look, when you're out there, there is no Jack.

There is only Duke,

tortured bully and eventual hero.

Find it. Go.

So, louder?

No, not lou...

Look...

The point I am trying to impart in you

is that you need to feel your character's pain, okay?

Here, a little acting trick.

Take this pebble, place it in your shoe.

And then, every time you feel the pain in your foot,

you will actually be feeling the pain in Duke's heart.

So I gotta walk around with a rock in my shoe?

Yes!