The Sex Movie

We can leave our shit here, right?

Yeah, we're coming back tomorrow.

Directions to my place.

I don't need them. I printed them out.

- You take the Harrison- - I'm cool.

Hey, J.D., you can park your motorcycle

right in front of my car.

There's a little space right there.

My bike's in the shop.

I think I'm gonna take a pass on tonight.

Why?

I've got things to do.

Your "things" can wait.

You committed.

Bitch.

Game player - wants us to beg.

I'll beg.

J.D., you can ride with me.

Sorry.

Columns, naked statues, and not one fucking window.

Kris?

I'm in the bathroom!

How are they?

I've smelled better.

What is that?

A hit of E.

One hit of E.

I'm just gonna go put some clothes on.

Okay.

Didn't your mother teach you how to share?

She was a selfish bitch.

Hey.

Do you want a nice evening?

Or a 'let's see how far we can go' evening?

Unless it ends in sex, it's all bullshit right?

Then I suggest you cut that up into four pieces.

Cut what into four pieces?

That hit of X he was about to do himself.

- Fork it over, baby. - Fork it over, baby.

Open your mouth.

Put out your tongue.

Say ah!

Ah.

Who gets Rafe's quarter?

Pick me, pick me.

It's my fucking E.

Wait.

Why shouldn't we give it to Rafe?

He's detoxing or something.

Why, is he sick?

You're retarded, man.

What?

Some guys just like to be healthy.

Sounds fucking boring to me.

Could you leave so I can dress?

Sure you don't need any help?

Get out!

Something for my little friend the fag.

Totally forgot about food,

so if you're hungry we're gonna have to order in.

This is fine for me now, thanks.

I borrowed a T if you don't mind.

I don't mind.

Might not have food, but I have plenty of liquor!

Who wants a drink?

I'm in a sour mood so I'd like a sour drink.

Tall glass filled with vodka.

Good vodka.

Soda if you have it.

I forgot how palatial this place is.

How come you still have the sets up

from that porno we did? What was it called?

"Womb Raiders."

"ln Diana Jones."

"Spurtacus."

It was "Who's Afraid of Virginia's Cooch."

I don't know - I was home sick.

Kind of reminds me of Vegas.

What happened to you, Rafe?

I haven't heard from you in months.

Started school. Decided to get a degree.

What's your major?

Women's Studies.

What's a gay man doing studying women's issues?

What's wrong with that?

- I don't get it. - It's not weird.

What does a gay man want to know about women?

How to thoroughly defeat us?

You're doing a fine job without me.

- See? - She's baiting you, Rafe.

That's not what I meant.

And you know if you're in man-hater mode,

I've had a long day and don't want to get into this shit.

I'm just saying... but man-hater?

Shouldn't you be supportive of a man

wanting to know more about women?

Why should l be supportive?

Because I could somehow make a contribution?

Who asked you to?

I'm not being mean.

Just playing devil's advocate.

No other woman I know thinks it's weird.

Maybe they're humoring you.

I think you're useless unless you can

sleep with both sexes.

What?

Just trying to change the subject.

So what you're really saying is that we're only

enlightened if we like everybody's sex organs?

Especially the parts we can suck.

I will say that if you've got a bigger dick

than a guy, it's guaranteed that he'll go down on you first.

- Nasty. - Why?

It's just misplaced maternal projections.

Do you suck a pussy or do you lick it?

The quandary!

The wisdom keeps coming.

A man not afraid of eating out a woman

is a man not afraid of women!

Many straight guys won't go down on it and you know it.

FYl, "it's" called a vagina.

So J.D., do you like suckling breasts?

I'm a breast guy.

Yeah, but do you eat out a pussy?

God, it just rolls off the tongue.

Finger-licking good.

- You're vile. - I responded.

So you like a woman in her totality?

Totally.

You don't reduce her to body parts?

I love breasts and I have

no problem whatsoever with pussy.

But I've never seen you with a fat girl.

So what?

She's still a woman.

You wouldn't date a fat girl?

I'd let her suck my dick as long as she wasn't grotesque.

Trust me - you're not enlightened.

That's a very nice way of putting it.

I don't see why you're all obsessed with fat.

Lesbians don't care so much.

Because they're all fat.

Like me?

Besides, I've loved many fat girls.

Doesn't make you enlightened according to

this lame-ass, suck-me theory.

A guy puts his dick in your face, you'd bite it off.

Yeah, but you haven't sucked one either

so don't go getting high and mighty with me.

Nope...not going against nature.

Here we go.

Going against nature totally excludes oral sex

from the equation then?

I'm sure many women will be relieved to know

they don't have to hear,

"Suck it harder, not so hard, now lick my balls."

Blow jobs, lesbian sex, and doggie-style are all fine.

But fat chicks and butt-fucking dudes

just doesn't fly right by me.

Let's talk about the glandular surprise in your ass.

Dude, you're disturbing me.

Women can hit it too.

Just you try going near a straight guy's asshole.

Just you try.

Yeah -- stay away from my asshole!

No decent girl wants to go near that dirty thing.

Fuck you, already.

Wait, isn't the point of sex to Christians like J.D.

about procreation anyway?

That's why we call you guys breeders -

you think it's your job.

I'm not Christian. I'm Catholic.

I think it's actually very simple.

We're sexual creatures.

Ultimately, we could take it anyway we can get it.

Penguins mate for life.

You're not a penguin.

We're closest to apes, actually, and they don't mate for life.

Well, fucking everything that moves won't solve anything.

I think the queer Roman priests tried

and it didn't work out so well for them.

So you really do think women are perfect?

Isn't every crime against humanity committed by a man?

A sexually frustrated man who turns to his knife

or his gun or his bomb to destroy what he can't

reconcile what's in himself?

Something tells me this is going to be a long evening.

Be honest with yourself. Estrogen doesn't make us happy.

Be honest with your self.

Women have been the ultimate rape victims

and Christianity the ultimate penis.

You can't tell me that's not true.

And you're not a man-hater because...?

Continuation of this argument implies that she

is afraid of giving up control.

And you're not a control freak?

The beauty of life is often found when we give up control.

Confucius say...

Can we change the subject?

Why? Afraid you're gonna go to hell?