Goodbye Christopher Robin

Daphne?

Yes?

Do excuse me.

Poor Blue. Are you feeling odd?

Come on. I'll let you dance with me.

Come on. You're the man.

Take the lead.

Damn it. I'm sorry.

Well, I should think so too!

You laddered my stockings.

Don't mind them.

They're all just jealous

because my husband is the only one clever enough...

...not to get himself killed.

I say, do you mind if I cut in?

Oh! Ernest!

Hello, Blue.

You'll just have to find another partner, Daph.

All right.

I was at the Somme.

That was a bad show.

They were all bad shows. Where were you?

Passchendaele.

Exactly.

Milne! You're back. Rupert.

How splendid you look.

And Shepard! Punch's funniest writer and best illustrator.

Ready to put a smile back on our faces?

Oh, yes. In fact, I wrote a brilliant little farce

while I was at the front.

Did you really?

I sat there with my typewriter, glass of sherry...

...knocked it out while the whizz bangs

popped all around us.

Sometimes the gas would steam my glasses up,

you know, but apart from that...

Well, this is wonderful news.

I can't wait to read it.

Milne.

Right.

Where to start?

A few years ago in Sarajevo, one Archduke was shot.

And the next thing we know,

ten million non-archdukes are shot.

And for what? What a jolly little farce.

But I know that the final curtain...

...is surely coming for archdukes

and top hats and the like...

...and for all the other fools...

...who led ordinary decent folk to the slaughter.

So, what can one say but...

...Tinketty Tonk.

Tinketty Tonk.

We were always exhausted.

Never quite knew if we were awake or dreaming.

And the flies.

Big bloated blue bottles.

Not just the flies themselves...

...but the thought they used to be maggots.

And when they were maggots, they were eating--

That's quite enough of that.

I'm sorry, I thought you were asleep.

You know, if you don't think about a thing,

then it ceases to exist.

It's true. I read about it. It's all in Plato.

It's called philosophy.

Oh, philosophy.

Well, I hope you know you're laughing at Plato.

Blue, life is full of frightful things.

The great thing is to find something

to be happy about and stick to that.

Hmm?

Oh, my G--

Get it out!

It's quite all right. It's all going swimmingly.

It's not all right!

Where is he? Blue!

Blue?

That's me. Perhaps I should--

She's a silly girl.

Here he is, sir.

Perfect birth, sir.

However, Mrs. Milne was unaware of

the mechanics of the thing.

Daphne.

Get him out.

Daph...

I will not have him see me blubbing.

Probably best, sir.

Latest Milne production debuted

at 20 past 6:00 this morning...

...weighing in at a startling nine pounds.

Good heavens.

At least the midwife says nine pounds.

I have the distinct impression that

midwives are a little like anglers, you know?

Prone to exaggerate the size of the catch.

Shall I propose a toast?

A double toast!

There's to be a revival of Alan's play

Mr. Pim Passes By at the Kingsway.

You all right?

Yes.

I'm the same when my motorbike backfires.

I've been thinking of moving down

to the countryside where it's peaceful and quiet.

Don't tell Daphne, for God's sake.

Up here. That's what we need to sort out.

A toast.

C.R. Milne.

ALL; C.R. Milne.

(CRYING CONTINUES AND INTENSIFIES)

Hello?

Oh.

Hello?

Hmm.

Uh...

Not completely sure which way up he should go.

Still alive. (CHUCKLES)

You know, Daph, boys can be fun too, you know.

I'm a boy.

I just keep thinking.

It's such a terrible feeling.

He's a boy.

He'll grow up.

He'll put on a uniform and he'll go off to war.

And I will be waiting again like I waited for you.

Never knowing.

You listen to me.

I just fought in the War to End All Wars.

There won't be another one.

I couldn't stand to love someone

who was going away again, Blue.

Not like that.

His name is Christopher Robin,

but we generally call him Billy.

You thought he was a girl. Oh.

So did we until he was born.

Please, take a seat.

She was going to be called Rosemary

and I bought her all these delicious dresses.

I see.

Just seems a pity to waste them, don't you think?

Of course.

Well, you have had an interesting life.

Looking after the Chilean ambassador's children.

What fun!

And terrific parties, I should think.

It was very enjoyable. We travelled a lot.

Why would you want to look after him

when you've had such fun, then?

My mother is quite ill.

She'll be needing some attention from me.

So staying in one place will be useful.

Well, we're going on holiday.

Just to Italy. For a month or so.

Oh, very wise.

By the time you come home, I shall have your little man

settled into a nice, steady routine.

That's very reassuring.

You know, the one good thing about the war is...

...there are lots of marvelous women around like you...

...who are never going to get married

because there are no men.

So you can take on work like this.

Daphne.

Yes? But it's true, isn't it?

Mummy and Daddy are going to a ball!

Your majesty. (CHUCKLES) My liege.

Don't they look lovely?

Goodbye!

Look, Billy, Mummy and Daddy are off again on holiday.

Ho-Ii-day.

Thank you.

It's Daddy's first night.

Nou, how can it be his first night?

Blue is about 100 years old.

It's the first night of his new play, silly.

Well, for all you cricket enthusiasts here in the audience...

...I'm sorry to report that rain

has stopped play at the Oval.

Here in the West End, of course,

nothing stops the play.

Um, this, this play...

I-I wrote this play...

This, this play was...

I wrote this--

I wrote this--