30 Rock

- How's it going in there? - Great.

Trying on jeans is my favorite thing.

Maybe later I can get a paps mirror from an old male doctor.

Oh, come on, Liz. This store is cool.

It's huge with all the young people.

I mean... all the us.

This place is trying way too hard.

Why are there straightjackets everywhere?

Because before this was a clothing store,

it was a mental hospital.

It's winky and fun, Liz.

Okay, I tried them on. Can we go now?

Liz Lemon, you look hot.

Really?

I swear to Kaballah monster.

Those jeans are perfect. Look at your butt.

Oh, my God. Is that me?

Liz, it's the dream.

Boy on the bottom, girl on the top.

O.M. God, those jeans are zing!

This online slang dictionary says it's short for "amazing."

Or it's a club drug made from a tooth whitener.

Either way you win.

I'll wear these jeans out, and I'll take ten more pairs!

'Tastic. Shall I put the pants you had on in with the jeans?

No. Burn them.

Burn them!

I'm sorry I was late this morning, sir.

- I was attacked in my apartment... - Quiet.

Congressional candidate Regina Bookman...

Are they really talking about that woman?

...Making political hay out of the wheat field

that is the NBC-Kabletown merger...

Who wrote this? Jared, honestly?

Bookman told reporters, quote,

"The merger of NBC and Kabletown is bad for the consumer.

"I don't trust their executive leadership,

"and Kabletown still has an auxiliary button

"on their remote.

"What is that for?

It just makes the screen go blue."

Why is she still talking about the merger?

She said I had three months to make NBC more diverse.

It's not your fault nobody watched

America's next top black guy.

Bookman, amping up the rhetoric in a tight race.

Polls have her in a dead heat

with out-of-nowhere challenger Steven Austin.

Wait a second. There's a chance she could lose?

Bookman is obviously holding a gun to my head.

And no matter what I do, she obviously wants me to fail.

But if she loses... This isn't a conversation!

But if she loses,

I won't have to worry about her scuttling the merger.

Jonathan, get her opponent in here.

Whoever he is, he just made a very powerful friend.

I thought you said you didn't need any more friends.

'Zing leg-tubes, Liz.

Vunderhinder!

They're from Brooklyn Without Limits.

It's this very cool store with locations in Gay Town,

White Harlem, and the Van Beardswick section of Brooklyn.

And they don't just look great. See the tag?

"Handmade in U.S.A."

Because BWL is all about fair trade

and local artisans and staying green.

These jeans totally make up

for all the times I took a long, hot shower because I was bored.

I'm so excited for you, Liz.

Now we both have amazing butts.

Make that all three of us. Jenna, a word.

Specifically, the word "talking."

Oh, and look at this.

J-train, as you may know, I was in a film

called Hard to Watch.

And the pundits think I have a chance

at an Oscar, and I just learned about air quotes.

Yes. I talked about your movie

with my therapist last week for 20 hours.

I know this is difficult for you.

I'm fine.

Talking with Dr. Linda helped me realize

I have just as much going on in my life.

My exercise video is dropping soon.

It's called Jenna Gets Hard.

Well, if you're okay talking about it, I need your help.

These reporters want to come do a story on me.

They're from something called

the Hollywood foreign press association.

HOFPA?

- Yeah. - That's the Golden Globes.

The second-most-important awards in Hollywood...

After the People's Choice Awards...

Where the fans are in charge.

So what do you think I should do?

You could have a special screening for them... host a luncheon.

And when the time is right... Be bad at snapping. Got it.

No, Tracy. You could try to bribe them.

I mean, a Golden Globe is a stepping stone to an Oscar.

How bad do you want it?

I'm not an expert at morality, but isn't that wrong?

You're asking me?

So this is the man who's gonna bring down Regina Bookman.

Rhode Island's own Steven Austin!

Actually, I go by Steve Austin.

That way people see my name on ballots,

they think I'm the wrestler, and they vote for me.

I've been reading up on you, Steve.

Honestly, I want to like you.

But I see that you're not affiliated with the republican party.

The party system is broken, Jack.

I don't believe in parties.

I don't join 'em, and I never get invited to 'em...Hint, hint.

You're an individual.

A Maverick.

People like you are succeeding

because Americans are fed up with the status quo.

Exactly.

They're tired of the direction this country's headed in.

They want to return to our past glory.

They want an American renaissance!

I like what I'm hearing, Steve.

Then you're gonna love the sound of this.

Goo goo gaa gaa, Jack.

What's that?

That's the theme of my campaign.

Renaissance means rebirth.

I want to usher in the rebirth of this country.

That's why the theme of all my campaign commercials

is "I'm a baby."

This country has lost its way.

We need to start over and return to what made our nation great.

My name is Steve Austin,

and I'm a lifelong resident of Rhode Island,

and the manager of a local paintball facility.

I will clean out Washington,

like it's the bathroom of a paintball facility.

Vote Steve Austin.

And if you're blind, I am the wrestler.

Right.

I like a lot of what you're saying, Steve,

but before I throw my support behind you,

I do have a litmus test.

Okay. Can I take that in two weeks?

No, it's just questions.

What do you think the role of the government should be?

Limited. I believe in small government.

- Excellent answer. - Or no government at all.

If it works in Antarctica, why can't it work here?

But if we have to have government, make it as small as possible.

Dwarves, tiny buildings... Pizza bagels for lunch.

Maybe we should stop at small government.

Let's cut to the chase.

I need you to assure me you would never allow the government

to interfere with the sale of one company to another.

Of course not. The government shouldn't interfere in anything!

What happens inside a man's own rain poncho

at a minor league baseball game is his own business.

Well, Steve, we should stop talking before I change my mind.

But I do want to host a fundraiser for you,

so give me a couple of days to put that together.

I need to know that you believe in my message, Jack.

Take the rattle.

Say "goo goo gaa gaa," Jack.

Goo goo gaa gaa.

What's going on here?

I'm helping Tracy plan for a Golden Globes event tomorrow.

Kenneth is our human Sushi platter,

and I'm doing a dry run so everything will be perfect...

For my friend Tracy.

Lying perfectly still reminds me of hiding

under our porch during a hill people rampage.

On the day, Kenneth's mouth will be filled with wasabi

so he don't do so much...

I should get a chafing dish and fill it with my underwear

in case some Saudi guys show up.

Let me get this straight.

You, the person who is still jealous

of the attention baby Jessica got,

are helping Tracy win an award for acting?

Oh, I'm helping him, all right.

I even gave him the idea to try to bribe them.

And he's gonna do that? That's awful.

I trust award shows.

They tell me how much to care about different dead people.

It's not gonna work.

If they could be bribed, I would have won a golden globe

for my lifetime original movie sister, can you spare a breast?

So you've tried this before?

And they were so offended, they banned me for life.

And the same thing will happen to Tracy.

So you're sabotaging him.

Just like I did to my niece when she tried to sing

at our family's Christmas party.

You know what, you and Tracy deserve each other.

I don't know which of you to be more disappointed in.

Me, silly.

I'm more aware of what I'm doing.

I'm sorry, miss.

Do you know where Liz Lemon... Good God!