Imaginary Mary

Are you seeing this? Are these people...

...feeling half of what I'm feeling?

I-It's so beautiful.

It is. It's that beauty, it's why we're all crying,

- including me. -

- Thanks. - Look at Bunny.

Couldn't be more proud.

Hold on. Uh, she's not even playing.

No air coming out of here.

Half these kids are phoning it in!

And the ones who are playing definitely should not be.

God, I wish I could just rip my ears off!

Oh, wait, I can!

This is much better.

Mary: This is Alice.

When she was a kid, she dreamed up me to be her BFF.

Now my girl has finally fallen in love,

but she's in way over her head, so I'm back to help.

I've got this all figured out.

- No, you don't. - No, I don't.

Hey, kidlings. How was school?

- Intriguing. - Disgusting.

The school musical this year is "Grease."

A classic tale of misogyny and female degradation.

Only if you pay attention to the message and the words.

It tells women the only way to get a guy

is to change everything about yourself!

Through song, which is the best way to tell anyone anything.

So we have a range of opinions here.

Andy, if you audition, you're part of the problem.

Well, at least I'll have some kind of part.

So...

you're thinking about getting back into the theater game, huh?

Yeah. Maybe.

I-I know I swore it off after "Les Mis"

when I got the role of Javert's tailor

and they didn't give me a line or let me go onstage

and it wasn't a real part,

but "Grease" is my favorite musical.

- How can I say no to that? - Totally.

Hey, who's the school flying in to operate the spotlight this year?

Someone from Spielberg's crew,

or some other expert from Hollywood, California?

Uh, nah, some kid'll do it.

Wait, what?

A student? You're telling me that they allow a student

to operate the spotlight?

Yeah. Who cares?

Spotlight crew's for dorks.

You kidding me?

It's a job for only the coolest individuals,

and the spotlight op is, like, the most important part

of any stage production.

Really?

Uh, yeah.

Remember when we went to see "The King and I,"

and the spotlight lost the King,

and then that whole song was just "I"?

Yeah, that was pretty bad.

- I guess it is an important job. - Exactly.

Without the spotlight, it's just "No One on the Roof."

Plus, th-they made that whole movie about the spotlight guys.

And i-it even won an Oscar, right?

Yep.

Yeah. W-Why be in the spotlight

when I can control the spotlight?

- - This is what I'm saying.

Hey, guys. Ooh, "Grease."

Andy, you'd be an awesome greaser. You trying out?

I want to so bad. I have to. You know what?

I am!

Maybe I'll do the spotlight crew next year, Dad.

Spotlight's for dorks.

That's what I said.

What's wrong?

I'm trying to get Andy not to audition for "Grease."

What? Why?

'Cause every year, it's the same thing.

I offer advice, he ignores my advice,

we fight, someone twists an ankle while dancing...

we both have very delicate ankles...

audition day comes, he throws up,

doesn't get the part.

Oh, God.

And it breaks his heart.

And that breaks my heart.

I just can't do it again.

I'm sorry. I had no idea.

Also, I stress eat.

For every part he loses, I gain 10 pounds.

Okay, well, I obviously blew up a plan

that you have thought a lot about,

so how about this?

I help Andy audition.

I don't know.

Come on! I've been in school plays.

At St. Vincent's, I was Mary, mother of Jesus,

in Stations of the Cross,

and I stole every scene from Jesus.

I just don't want you to go through what I go through.

I won't. You're his dad. You're too close.

Parents get so invested when it's their own kids.

You saw the waterworks at Bunny's recital.

You were crying, too.

Can I be completely honest?

I faked it.

- Shut up. - But you believed me

because I am a very good actor, which means I can help Andy.

Plus, I want to keep you nice and wiry.

All right, fine.

See, Bunny, "Grease" is the story

of a bunch of cool kids who,

they hate school and love cars and love dancing.

- Neat! - N-No. No.

"Grease" is a story of a woman

forced to abandon her individuality

and skank it up in leather.

- Neat! - We're going.

You're not allowed to watch this.

Bunny: But now I want to watch it even more!

Hey, Andy. I'm on my way out...

- Have a great night. - Hold on. I wanted to say,

um, your dad thinks that I should maybe help you

with your audition this year.

Oh, sweet.

Honestly, Dad was holding me back.

Cool. All right, we'll start tomorrow. See ya.

Actually, can I show you something I've been working on?

Real quick. I-I promise.

Go right ahead.

I'm ready.

Yeah, I'm just psyching myself up.

Oh.

It's always different in front of an audience.

Hmm.

Now I forgot my line.

Should we start tomorrow?

5:00? I'll come straight from the office?

Great. Yeah, I'll be way more polished by then.

Cool.

What have I gotten myself into?

Hmm, let's see. A pickle? A corner?

A bear trap of failure and despair?

Yeah, the last one. The last one for sure.

So since I couldn't remember my lines from last night,

- I thought I should hold on to these. - Great. Let's hear it.

Hey, guys, I had a great summer.

Okay. Now, perform it.

Again?

Uh, yeah. One more time. For me.

Hey, guys, I had a great summer.

Go big.

Bigger than that?

Eh, you know, I-I want to keep it grounded.

How about you go as big as you can,

and then we'll just turn it down from there?

Hey, guys, I had a great summer!

You know what? We don't need these today.

Let's forget these. Today isn't about acting.

Today is about believing.

You have to believe you are the part,

which is why I'm gonna throw beanbags at you.

What? Uh, why?

To help you find your inner greaser and bring him out. Trust me.

This exercise worked for Blake Griffin.

He didn't think he could do TV ads

pimping Korean sedans, but I did.

Box of beanbags later, he's a star.

Of commercials.

All right. Well, let's go, then.

Okay. Now, remember, you're not Andy.

- You're a tough kid from the '50s. - Yeah.

And every time you do something cool, you get on a car

and you sing about it. You're a greaser.

Andy, catch.

Whoo!

Caught it. Yes.

- No. You're not Andy. You're a greaser. - Oh. Yeah.

So, Andy, catch.

Ow!

Sorry. But good. Greaser, catch!

Greaser!

- Andy! - No!

Greaser! Now feed me that line.

Hey, guys, I had a great summer!

Ah, damn right you did!

Now how you feeling, Andy?

I don't know, 'cause I'm a greaser, not Andy!

Great. Okay, now the beanbag part's over.

You can be Andy again.

Whoo! Was awesome.

See, that's the mindset you need to land the lead role.

- - For real?

You think... You think I should go for the lead?

- - Of course. Go big or go home!

- Whoo! - Whoo!

How's it going here?

Sounds like you guys are having fun.

Well, Alice thinks

I should go for the lead in "Grease."