Hap and Leonard

I think I'm falling in love.

With who?

Florida. Florida?

If you had a good idea, it would die of loneliness.

I guess you're gonna tell me

Florida is young, smart, and smokin',

and I'm old, dumb, and don't have a real job,

and a woman like Florida can never fall in love

with a loser like me.

Look down.

See all those fools down there?

You and me, we ain't nothin' like them, Hap.

I love you, man.

Love you, too, Hap.

Collins.

Your turn on the dance floor.

Wake up, asshole.

Get dressed.

You're lucky.

We got Mr. Bobby Joe Soothe in here; Serenade you.

Thought they had rules

about inmates having shit they could hang themselves with.

Ah, my Bobby Joe wouldn't do that.

Turn around.

What the hell they got you in here for now?

Arson.

You?

Kidnappin'.

Who?

Beau Otis.

You know that Beau Otis is an epileptic?

Didn't know.

Don't care.

There are only two types of people

still livin' in this town, Collins...

Them that just couldn't get out

and them that just wouldn't.

Which type are you?

See, here in East Texas,

man needs a plan.

Otherwise, there's just nothing here for him

except for trouble, of course.

Are you a troublemaker, Collins?

Depends on who you ask.

I'm asking you.

Yeah, I guess I am.

My son Beau is a slothful, lazy, ignorant son of a bitch,

but he is gonna be my next county judge,

because that's what I need him to be,

and you will not prevent that

because I will not allow it.

Although I gotta say, I would have enjoyed seeing him

piss himself last night.

It wasn't as much fun as you might imagine.

This is all about what happened to your daddy, isn't it?

Son, lookin' backwards ain't gonna get you outta this office,

and it ain't gonna help your friend Leonard Pine either.

Now that boy is facin' some serious charges.

Accessory to murder, arson.

I wouldn't worry about him.

He got himself a pretty good lawyer.

Hey, hey.

Where is she then, I wonder?

She'll be here.

Okay.

In the meantime, here's what you gotta do for me.

You're gonna promise to leave my son alone,

and you're gonna stay off my radar,

and I'm gonna forget about what happened last night.

Why don't you just go back out there

and wait for your lawyer to get here?

If she gets here.

What about Leonard?

Oh, hell, you can take Leonard with you.

Would you tell Leonard for me,

if he so much as whistles one false note...

I'm gonna drop him into a hole

that's blacker than he is.

Hanson: According to the arson report,

the house is a total loss.

Niggers were drug dealers.

I don't know if I'd call it a total loss.

You're lucky nobody was in there, boy.

You'd be lookin' at some heavy numbers.

I ain't no murderer, and I ain't your boy.

But you admit to setting the fire.

Don't know nothin' about no fire.

You tell the rest of the neighborhood to say that, too?

Didn't have to.

You know what I think, Leonard?

I think some people are stupid, some people are lucky,

but you ain't either.

You just a criminal.

Got yourself a fancy lawyer, but...

we gon' get you.

Not on this, not on helping

your Uncle Chester hide that kid's body.

On somethin'.

Just a matter of time.

What, you think, 'cause, uh, we both brothers,

I'm supposed to cut you some slack?

Huh?

That what you think?

You wanna know what I think?

I think you stole them shoes off that dead kid...

A dead kid you know I ain't kill.

And we ain't no brothers,

slack or no slack.

Now, uh...

if you ain't gon' charge me,

I'm gonna, you know...

Got a Gene Autry movie comin' on in two hours.

I didn't set my Betamax yet.

Go.

You still lookin' at my Uncle Chester

like a murderer?

You heard the man, Pine.

You find out who them bones belong to yet?

Them bones ain't your problem no more.

Now go on.

And you call me a criminal.

Hey.

It's the luckiest man in LaBorde.

That makes you the second luckiest, then.

Don't make sense. Why they just let us go?

'Cause he's in charge, and nothing's changed.

That's the way it is and always will be.

Yeah, well, Melton's gone.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Guess I'm wrong.

Maybe some things do change.

So what about Uncle Chester, huh?

What about BB? All them other missing kids?

Oh, it's over. It's over. We... We're done.

So that's it, huh?

Yep. That's it.

Well, I gotta get to work.

I'm-a go and, uh, check on Ivan.

See you around, partner.

Adios, amigo.

Hey, uh, Hap?

We did the right thing, right?

We tried.

Thank you, Miriam. Mm-hmm.

Lord knows, I need it.

I can tell. You smell tired, Miss Florida.

Mm. What does tired smell like?

An old white man... Sad and salty.

Mm-hmm.

Thank you.

You mind if I...

Um, I'm a little confused.

Two of your clients got arrested, and you didn't show.

I can't help people who don't want my help.

Oh.

Oh, this is about last night.

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess you can't represent

someone you're having a... thing with.

One of my clients burned down a house.

The other one assaulted a county judge.

Neither one of them seems capable

of being entirely truthful with me.

And by the way, this has nothing to do

with what happened between you and me.

Well...

I had a nice time.

Everything I do is under a microscope.

People expect me to be perfect.

Do you understand that?

Yeah, I understand that you're having difficulties,

but from where I'm sitting... Hap.

Difficult is getting a teenager into rehab

after he's been busted for selling food stamps for drugs...

Yes. or reuniting an illegal immigrant with...

With her baby after she's been deported.

Yeah. Yeah.

What happened between us

is the least difficult thing I've done in a long time.

No, let me get that. Hap.

No, no, please, give me a...

a little dignity, huh?

Hey.

We were up there pretty high last night.

How'd you get down?

Thanks for breakfast, Hap.

Boy, look at you.

You best not be causing MeMaw no trouble.

I ain't.

I wanna get a picture of you two.

I'm gonna put you two boys on my wall of remembrance.

You might try smilin'.

Ooh!