South Park

Okay, children let's all take our seats !

As you all know, Thanksgiving is only two weeks away.

And so the school has arranged for a lecture from a real live native American.

Ooooh neat-o! Huh fellas?!

Hello, boys and girls, my name is David "running horse" Sawitzki.

And I am one-sixteenth Cherokee Indian.

Does that mean we only have to pay one-sixteenth attention to you?

There's been a lot of stories, about the first Thanksgiving, and unfortunately

they are mostly geared towards making the pilgrims look good

and my people being degraded as usual.

Was Thanksgiving about turkey and peace, or was it the

beginning of the genocide of an entire race?

Thanksgiving is about murder?

This is bullcrap.

A guest speaker comes to our class and assigns us a report on Thanksgiving?!

Well it is kind of true, you know.

Thanksgiving is fun and all, but the native Americans got pretty screwed over.

Yeah and now my video game time is getting screwed over by them.

Hey! Fat ass!

Instead of laying in bed eating, why don't you come and help!

Jesus, Kyle, you are really being grumpy today.

We all have to do this report together, dude.

You guys, we are wasting time.

If we have to write a report on

Thanksgiving let's just go downstairs and watch TV.

How is that gonna help?!

Dumb ass, it's November.

The history channel is probably playing Thanksgiving specials back to back!

We can learn everything we need!

You're watching the History Channel.

Where the truth, is history.

A lot has been written about the first Thanksgiving between

pilgrims and native Americans.

But what really happened at that first historic dinner?

Dude, see? I told you.

Who needs to read a bunch of stupid books when we've got History Channel?

We know the first Thanksgiving was in the fall of 1621,

but new evidence suggests that the first exchanging of

foods between pilgririms and native American may have been visited by aliens!

In every journal entry we research from those early pilgrims,

not one entry mentions anything about aliens not being there.

And what about the food? Does the appearance of stuffing

at the first Thanksgiving table suggest a kind of alien technology?

What...?

This isn't history!

- Dude, it is called History Channel. - Yeah!

And if we look in all the journals and all the history books,

there is no reference to "stuffing" before 1621.

So, where did it come from?

Did it come from space?

We just don't know.

Did ancient aliens shape the first Thanksgiving?

Is it mere coincidence that Cape COD, when viewed from space,

looks like an alien life form?

What exactly did the pilgrims experience?

How exactly did those beings from another world shape the

dinner we celebrate every November?

What?

Kyle why are you being so grumpy? Are you on your period again?

We are not basing research for our report on this crap!

Okay, let's take a vote.

Who thinks the possibility of ancient aliens at Thanksgiving

makes for an interesting history report?

Dude!

Okay, and who wants to take a little Pamprin so their

menstrual cramps stop bringing everyone down?

Kyle.

Alright fine. Let's just get this stupid report over with.

Yes?

A report from where?

Does congress know about this yet?

Try to keep it contained and get the helicopters ready.

I'll be there as soon as I can.

Darling?

They found something... this could be it.

Did you guys know that when you stop menstruating, it's called menopause?

What?

Yeah, God takes your period away, and apparently it makes you really irritable.

I was thinking maybe that's why Kyle's been so grouchy lately,

because he's going through menopause.

- Dude shut your fucking mouth! - See what I mean you guys?

Is that them?

That's them.

You boys have been very busy...

We need to know everything that you know.

About what?

Have you been contacted by alien life forms?

Did you come across some kind of ship or something?

Dude, look, we just saw all this stuff on History Channel.

We are the History Channel.

For years we've been collecting information on Thanksgiving.

We're getting close to the truth...

and now you boys have the exact same information.

It can't be coincidence.

We saw it on your channel.

What exactly did you see?

That stuffing was never heard of before 1621, so it might be alien technology.

My God.

Would you be willing to say that on camera for an interview.

Alright, Butters that's enough MTV for one day.

You need to watch something that stimulates your brain.

I'm putting on History Channel.

Okay dad!

You are watching the History Channel.

The only network dedicated to history.

Coming up next, it's Monster Quest!

Followed by Hairy Bikers.

But now, back to part three of Ancient Aliens at Thanksgiving!

It has become a widely accepted fact that Thanksgiving was a

meal attended by pilgrims, native Americans and alien beings.

Stuffing wasn't mentioned anywhere until 1621...

And it might have been alien technology.

And while the number of people who accept the alien

theory continues to grow some experts have stepped forward

with a wildly different view all together.

Could it be that pilgrims were actually aliens themselves?

Of course you can't prove there were no aliens at the first Thanksgiving!

Just like you can't prove the...

The pilgrims themselves weren't aliens.

Can you prove that?

Here, draw that Thanksgiving turkey symbol with your hand,

maybe that symbol matches galaxies in space or something!

Could it be that the pilgrims we've read about all these years

actually came from another planet?

History experts like Kyle Broflovski say 'yes.'

You might as well just say

pilgrims and Indians were all aliens who came here and made

some kind of intergalactic treaty.

Wow, check it out, dude, we're on TV.

How can they make a show out of this?!

I wasn't even agreeing with them!

What are you doing?

The first Thanksgiving was a space treaty?!

Native Americans are aliens?!

I was just explaining how a negative argument doesn't make a...

haven't my people been through enough?!

God damn you!

Agh dude!

The white man is gonna pay for his lies!

Look at this sir!

An aerial photograph of Cape COD where the pilgrims landed in 1620.

Five pilgrim settlements with Plymouth rock here.

The same symbols appear everywhere in history.

The symbology lines up to mirrored points in space!

If Kyle Broflovski is right, then Plymouth rock is some kind of wormhole.

Pilgrims and Indians were the aliens.

How did we not think of it?!

Sometimes it takes the innocence of a child to make us

see the most simple things.

True dat.

True dat.

Get all those tourists out of here!

We need this place secure.

Alright people let's clear out.

We need you all to disperse.

This area is under quarantine.

Get me a piece of chalk!

Nothing... Guess Kyle Broflovski was wrong.

Well, at least we weren't outsmarted by a nine-year-old kid.

We should have known, pilgrims couldn't be from space.

There. You can see it right there.

An object clearly fell from the sky and struck the earth.

What is it?

It's a pilgrim, sir.

So then, Professor Broflovski was right after all.

Not long ago, it was an accepted fact that civilizations

on Earth shared the universe with beings from other planets.

These alien beings visited our world and once even settled it,

from deep within the galaxy Canis Major and a distant planet...

Called Plymouth.

Fellow pilgrims!

The great Captain hath gone missing

and thine enemies have attacked our stuffing mines!

We must prepare for war

with the Indians!

Now it is our time!

We shall attack Plymouth,

and we will take all their stuffing!

Mom?! Mom!

Did you already get stuffing for Thanksgiving dinner?!

What, hon?

Tell me you've already got everything we need for Thanksgiving!

Oh, Thanksgiving's still a couple weeks away, sweetie,

I haven't gone shoppies yet.

Oh God! Oh no!

What is it, hon?

Clyde Donovan said that he saw on the news there's a massive stuffing shortage!

Get your coat on mom, we gotta go to the store!

You guys have stuffing?!

Stuffing?

Sure, aisle seventeen.

Oh! We're not too late! Mother come!

Hey!! Where is it?!

It's right there, right on the...

Wait, that can't be right.

Hey Chet?!

What happened to all the stuffing?!

What are you talking about?

We got more in the back, right?

I just did inventory in the back,