Scared Shrekless

Young man: RUN!

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

KEEP AWAY!

TAKE IT! KEEP AWAY!

TAKE ALL OF IT!

THE MONSTER TOOK MY SHOE!

CANDY!

YAY, TREATS! I LOVE TREATS!

FELICIA. Felicia: HI, DADDY.

THAT WAS A NICE GRIP YOU HAD ON THAT BIG FAT KID.

FARKLE, EXCELLENT WORK WITH YOUR TEETH.

FERGUS, MY LAD.

DADDY, DADDY.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO WORK ON YOUR TIMING.

ALL IN ALL, NOT BAD FOR YOUR FIRST HALLOWEEN.

THEY'RE GROWING UP SO FAST.

AND LOOK WHO GOT HER FIRST CLUMP OF HAIR.

OH, DID YOU SEE?

FARKLE GOT HIM IN THE ANKLE.

LITTLE FERGUS? NOTHING YET.

OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT, SWEETIE.

MAMA DIDN'T GET A SCARE THIS YEAR EITHER.

FEAR NOT, MY LOVE. THE NIGHT IS STILL YOUNG.

HOLD THE PHONE. WHO LEFT THE DOOR OPEN?

YOU DON'T THINK SOMEONE'S INSIDE?

NOW, WHO'D BE STUPID ENOUGH TO BREAK IN TO AN OGRE'S HOUSE?

AAH! AAH! AAH!

OH, WOW. TERRIFYING.

I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M GONNA SLEEP NOW.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN, EVERYONE.

OH, MAN!

YOU SAID THIS WAS GONNA SCARE 'EM!

HEY, I WORKED HARD ON THIS COSTUME!

OOPS!

ADMIT IT, SHREK-- WEREN'T YOU EVEN A LITTLE BIT SCARED?

DONKEY, OGRES DON'T GET SCARED.

WE DO THE SCARING.

AND THAT'S WHY WE'RE THE KINGS OF HALLOWEEN.

I BET WE COULD FIND SOMETHING

THAT WOULD SCARE THE PANTS OFF OF YOU.

WHICH WOULD SCARE ME.

OH, REALLY? AND WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND?

ALL OF US TELLING SCARY STORIES ALL NIGHT LONG!

THERE AIN'T NO WAY YOU WON'T BE SCARED.

YES, STORIES TO MAKE YOUR BLOOD RUN COLD!

YEAH!

STORIES TO TERRIFY YOU. YEAH!

AND WHOEVER SHALL LAST THROUGH THE NIGHT

SHALL BE NAMED THE KING OF HALLOWEEN!

I ACCEPT. WE DOUBLY ACCEPT!

DOES ANYONE ELSE WANT TO JOIN OUR LITTLE CONTEST?

I'M IN! HUZZAH!

JA, WUNDERBAR!

HUZZAH! HUZZAH! HUZZAH!

OKAY.

I THINK I'M GOING TO TAKE THE KIDS OUT

AND TERRIFY A FEW MORE TRICK-OR-TREATERS.

WILL I SEE YOU LATER?

THE NIGHT IS YOUNG. TRICK OR TREAT?

I SHALL BEGIN.

ONCE UPON A MIDNIGHT DREARY--

THERE WAS THIS CRAZY ALBINO GUY WITH A HOOK,

AND HE LIVED IN A MIRROR.

AND IF YOU EVEN LOOKED AT HIM, YOU'D WAKE UP

IN A BATHTUB FULL OF ICE WITH YOUR KIDNEYS GONE!

WHOA, HEY, HOLD ON.

WE WERE DOING THIS HERE. UH, WHAT?

YOU NAME THE TERMS. I NAME THE PLACE.

OKAY, FINE! WHERE ARE WE GONNA DO THIS?

CASTLE DULOC?

OH, HA-HA, VERY FUNNY, SHREK.

BUT THIS IS WHERE LORD FARQUAAD LIVED!

JA, UND DIED!

I HEARD IT'S HAUNTED BY HIS GHOST.

IF YOU'RE ALL TOO SCARED TO PUT ON BIG-BOY PANTS AND GO IN,

I'LL JUST CLAIM MY WINNINGS AND BE ON MY WAY.

WAIT A MINUTE!

WE CAN LAST IN THERE JUST AS LONG AS YOU CAN!

FINE. COME ON, THEN.

HOLD UP, SHREK.

YOU CAN'T JUST GO BARGING IN SOME CREEPY, SPOOKY JOINT

LIKE YOU OWN THE PLACE.

AND WHY NOT?

IT'S NOT LIKE THERE'S ANYONE HERE TO STOP US.

I STILL DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS, MAN.

GETTING A WHOLE CREEPY "HOUSE OF WAX" VIBE GOING ON IN HERE.

LOOK, IT'S THAT LITTLE THINGY YOU LOVE SO MUCH, REMEMBER?

LET'S DO THAT AGAIN! NO!

WELL, THEN THIS OUGHT TO BE FUN.

FUN, YEAH, RIGHT.

I FIND MYSELF AGREEING WITH BOSS.

THIS LOOKS TO BE A VERY ENTERTAINING EVENING.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I JUST FIGURED OUT WHAT YOUR COSTUME IS.

YOU CAME AS A KISS-UP! ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

BUCKLE UP, EVERYBODY.

THE QUICKER I SCARE THE WITS OUT OF YOU LOT,

THE SOONER I CAN BE HOME, COZY IN MY BED,

UNLESS ANYONE ELSE THINKS THEY'VE GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

OH, OH, OH! PICK ME, PICK ME! I HAVE A SCARY STORY!

THIS ISN'T THE ONE ABOUT YOU GETTING TRAPPED IN THE PETTING ZOO AGAIN, IS IT?

'CAUSE THAT'S NOT SCARY.

ACTUALLY, IF YOU LOOK AT IT FROM MY PERSPECTIVE--

HEY, GUESS WHAT, PINOCCHIO. NO ONE CARES!

GET READY TO SEND THESE JOKERS HOME, SHREK,

'CAUSE I'VE GOT A DOOZY, AND IT'S ALL TRUE.

IT WAS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT.

GINGY?

MY GIRLFRIEND KICKED ME OUT.

I DON'T KNOW-- SOMETHING ABOUT ME BEING TOO INTO MYSELF.

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, YAK, YAK, YAK.

YOU? BUT YOU ARE SO ADORABLE.

I KNOW! THAT'S WHAT I KEEP TELLING HER!

I NEED A GOOD WOMAN, MUFFIN MAN.

AH. I CAN HELP YOU, GINGY.

HOW ABOUT THIS ONE? UH, I DON'T KNOW.

YOU LIKE HER, HUH? NOPE-- WEIRD HAIR.

HOW ABOUT THIS ONE? TOO SCARY.

NO! DON'T LIKE IT!

OKAY, WELL, HOW ABOUT THIS ONE?

YES, THAT'S IT!

AHHH!

SHE'S PERFECT-- THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS!

WAIT, MORE SUGAR!

BUT THAT IS NOT THE RECIPE.

TRUST ME, MUFFIN MAN.

THIS GIRL'S GOT TO BE REAL SWEET.

I WANT SOMEONE WHO WILL LOVE ME FOREVER.

I MUST WARN YOU, GINGY,

NO ONE HAS EVER MADE COOKIES WITH THIS MUCH SUGAR.

YOU ARE TAMPERING WITH FORCES FAR BEYOND YOUR COMPREHENSION!

JUST PUT HER IN THE OVEN!

OW!

OKAY, A LITTLE PRIVACY.

HUH? TAKE A HIKE.

OH, OUI.

OH, MY GOSH, I'M IN LOVE!

OH, A COOKIE ANGEL.

WHOA!

AND YOU'RE HOT, TOO!

HELLO?

I GUESS IT DIDN'T WORK.

EEEEEEEEEE!

YE-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-AH!

HOO-HOO!

GINGY, IS IT YOU--

THE ONE I WAS MADE FOR?

OH, WE'LL BE TOGETHER FOREVER!

SWEET!

ARE YOU HAPPY, GINGY?

YOU BET!

THE TIME SINCE I MET YOU HAS BEEN THE BEST...

7 1/2 MINUTES OF MY LIFE.

GOOD, BECAUSE THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING.

I'M GOING TO LOVE YOU AND HOLD YOU

AND FEED YOU AND DRESS YOU AND CLING TO YOU AND...

AH. ...HANG ON TO YOU AND SMOTHER YOU WITH MY LOVE...

YEAH. ...FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND--

YOU KNOW, IT'S GETTING A LITTLE STUFFY IN HERE.

UM, YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA GO GET SOME AIR.

OH, NO, YOU DON'T.

OH, NO!

NOT WITHOUT YOUR UMBRELLA.

COME ON!

HERE, LET ME GET THAT.

WAIT FOR ME!

SUGAR, COULD YOU JUST DO ME ONE SMALL,

LITTLE, TEENSY FAVOR? ANYTHING!

COULD YOU LEAVE ME ALONE FOR LIKE 30 SECONDS?

ANYTHING BUT THAT.

YOU KNOW, I FORGOT MY GUMDROP BUTTONS, YEAH.