Casual

Previously on "Casual"...

Hi, this is Valerie.

I'm not here right now.

Please leave a message.

- You're sad. Why are you sad?

My friend moved away.

I don't know if you're lonely.

I assume you must be.

But telling her about some secret father

isn't gonna bring her back to you.

I have no idea what I need.

That's not me.

What happened to your table?

Laura?

Fuck!

- I really like spending time with you.

But it's a lot of time.

I need to make sure that I have space for Clark.

You know what I'm saying.

- Right. I get that.

Okay, good.

I'm glad we had this talk.

Enough!

- Did you hit it with a golf club?

It was pushed from a counter.

I may have also tried to repair it.

With a golf club?

Can you fix it?

It'd cost less to replace.

- Yeah, but I've had it for a really long time.

All the more reason.

Get a new one.

Treat yourself.

- You know where you'll be in 20 years?

- Nobody knows that. We can guess, but I...

Living on a garbage patch

in the middle of the Pacific.

Everything is disposable now.

It's just "buy, buy, buy."

And as soon as something goes wrong,

just throw it away and buy some more.

We're gonna die on a pile of trash

while we're arguing about the tax code.

- Bed Bath & Beyond has some good options.

- Hey, you've reached Laura. Leave a message.

Maybe she's at a friend's house.

What friend?

- Uh... Or a music festival.

Is it Coachella?

She sold my table.

- Well, it is an expensive wristband.

- True. - I'm sorry.

What the fuck do we do now?

I don't know.

Oh, dude.

Yes!

Feed me!

Oh, I love French toast.

That's marinated bread.

It's not even French.

- I thought you had breakfast with Judy.

- We had a few bites, but she had to go pick up her kid.

Said something about needing to make space.

Oh, no.

Sorry.

About what?

She dumped you.

No.

Did she use the actual words,

"I want to make space"?

Yeah, but that doesn't mean...

She could have been referring to her job

or Clark or Clark's dad or something else entirely.

- It's like you can't even hear the words that you're saying.

She didn't break up with me.

What do you mean when you say

that you want space?

- Multi-year communication black-out

and then a few memory lane hookups

after we scrubbed our emotional connection.

I'm gonna text her.

- No, no, no. Dude, don't, don't, don't.

Even if she didn't break up with you,

a pathetic text is not gonna help.

Too late.

What is that emoji?

The guy with a fur hat?

I don't know. I think it's one of the guards outside of Buckingham Palace.

Right.

Why did you use it?

What do you mean?

'Cause it's nonthreatening.

It makes me smile. I don't know.

You're so fucked.

Sorry.

I guess 17 years is the limit.

What limit?

- How long a person can stand to live with me.

17 years is a long time.

Did you think we would make it 17 years?

18 would have been better.

Laura would have been out of the house.

Our friends would have really respected us for waiting.

17 is still pretty good.

Are you all right?

Not really.

- Do you want to call her again? - No, she's not gonna pick up.

- What kid runs away and doesn't leave a note?

I thought all they wanted was to be seen and heard.

- Maybe it's her Facebook status.

- You did check her social media.

Ugh.

What the fuck?

- How did she even take that picture?

We have to get her.

Okay? We have to.

Because she's gonna go to a key party

or a fucking ashram.

- Val. - What?

She did not run away.

She took a day trip to Burbank.

Also she's 17, and we need to get used to this,

because in a few months,

she will take whatever trip she wants.

- Wait. Wait. You just want to let her go?

- She's at her grandmother's house.

She's not at a hostel in Sierra Leone.

She'll come back when she's ready.

- Okay, sure. Take the easy way out.

- Uh-huh, and what are you gonna do, ground her?

No, I'm gonna reason with her.

- Okay, and then when that doesn't work out,

what are you gonna do?

You gonna throw her in the back of your trunk?

- Yeah. - You gonna chain her to a desk?

Yeah, if I have to.

Okay, well,

let me know how that works out.

It's not good.

Like, really not good.

- I don't think he's ever been dumped.

How is that possible?

- Well, maybe he sabotaged all his relationships

before they got to the point of emotional investment

as a safeguard against rejection.

Oh, that totally feels right.

You okay?

- Yeah, his French toast is poison.

Oh, hey.

Hey.

- Hey. - Hey.

Eww.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, no.

I'm not mad.

I didn't say you were mad.

- Okay, it's important you know that,

because the mad ex is the butt of all the jokes

that aren't really jokes but commentary

on masculinity and violence.

- I liked it better when you showed up with ice cream.

- Why did you end our relationship?

Our relationship?

- Whatever it is you call it when two people eat

and sleep together with some level of frequency.

We had sex, like, six times.

You've been counting?

- Well, I was barely on the second hand.

It's as many times as we didn't have sex.

Am I a joke to you?

You're my IT guy.

Oh, come on.

What?

You're hot, and unserious.

You were my rebound.

Brad Pitt in "Burn After Reading."

That guy's a moron.

No, he is adorable.

With the dildo swing?

That was Clooney.

Brad Pitt was the one

who died in his closet

with the tags cut out of his suit.

- See? Moron.

- No. - Never liked that guy.

Ever since "Meet Joe Black."

Fuck.

How did I get this so wrong?

It's pretty normal.

You saw what you wanted to see.

Did you think we were gonna get married?

And you'd get fat and coach Clark's baseball team?

Maybe basketball.

He's got kind of a young Steve Kerr thing.

It's been a month.

Your Brita filter's older than this.

Why don't you take a couple days off work?

No.

Actually... - No.

- While I'm here... Yeah.