Unbelievable Adventures of Italians in Russia (Neveroyatnye priklyucheniya italyantsev v Rossii)

-Get out quickly, quickly!!! Quickly, quickly, get out!

Papa, why you were driving today so quite?

Do not put your nose into other people's affairs!

Antonio, I'll go to call to the hospital, maybe it is some call for us?

Good.

-Ciao! -Ciao, uncle!

-'m repeating : be good at school and do not

repeate yesterday incedent in the future!

how you had thought such idea - set fire to a chair under a teacher! It is

good that chair has been extinguished, the teacher has not been burned all! Go!

-Caviling. -Our behaviour is always good!

-Have you matches today? -Marisa, we have so obedient children!

the only sadness that they look like your brother!.. Ciao, I have to go!

Today you'll come home in time, I hope!

But, Marisa, yesterday I stayed in the hospital.. -Of course, with nurse!

-What nurse? -Ok, so with female doctor!

Right now?!Good,senior,understood!!!

And stop calling to chief medical officer, you are putting me in idiotic position!

Antonio, good I decided to call, we urgent have to go for a woman!

How? You have taken my brother as the accomplice to yourself!

Relax, the old woman is dying in the shelter for the aged!

Even old women, you have lost all shame!

I love you, love!I love ONLY you! I'll buy you a new set of false teeth!

Yes!!!

For the thirteenth salary! - Stop talking, we are loosing time!

Wait from you...of course..!!

Here she is! See, how bad she is?!

lying, pure!. Maybe she is died? - This is not our deal.

Take!.. Îp-pa!

What are you doing with me?!!.. what do you want?!

So, you are not that russian seniora...

No, she is higher, on the third floor!.. - Sorry! Have mistaken!

- Idiots! God damn you! Medicinal leech! I'll complain!

Antonio, where we can put her?

How do I know, ask the doctor. - Doctor, where can we put her?

How do I know, here everything is busy, look for by yourself.

Maybe somewhere there?

- Here everything is busy too.Look,how everybody likes to be ill!.. Maybe there?..

No. Let's go further..

Is here free bed? - Careful, here is a table!

- Is here free bed? - See by yourself! - why you can't compress?

- it is free in the toilet. - you'd be placed there, wit!

- Let's turn the Senora.. - Good, is keeping!

- Nurse, you'd put here a traffic light! - Where?!

Excuse me doctor, our old woman is very bad!

Here is more tightly than at the stadium!

This bed seems to be free!

It cannot be! Be careful at the turn! I'm falling!

Hold on to a stretcher!

Here is a bed!.. Free!

E-e, Where are you? This is my bed!

You'd put a newspaper, if it is yours!.. Damned owner!

- Where to put her? - Let's here. - E-e, move up!

- Is this you talking to me? - Yes, to you! - And why for me?

Because you are the most thin here.. One.. Two..

No, do you see, do you see what they are doing?!

I don't want her! - It is more fun together! - I don't want her!..

Cmon, look at her!..How much sex in she!

Take off your hand! do you see the lag is broken?

Santucca, Santucca! He is kicking! Boy!!!

Let it be a son! We are deserve it! After seven daughters must be at least one son!

No daughters! I order you to give birth to a son!

'll try! - À-à, moving!

- Where is the registry? - Left along the corridor.

Are you her husband? - Who, me? I don't know here and don't want to know!

We have to warn relatives, situation is heavy!

- Take her away! - Tell me the truth, am I dying?

- No, no, seniora, don't worry! You'll see, you'll

live more than all of us, you'll live up to 90!

I'm 92. - What I said? You did all of us!

Do you know that you have an appendicitis?

Why an appendicitis, I have broken leg, isn't it?

As though if you have broken leg you can't have an appendicitis?

and do not do diagnosis! Who is a doctor here: you or me?..

Potients became impudent!..

One minute, proffesor..You must ensure that she born a son!

If it is a doughter again I'll destroy everything here!

Medicine is powerless, everything depends on you! - Do not avoid the responsibility!

- Granmother! At least I found you, my dear!

Tell me, how is she,is it dangerous?

Truthly said, the diagnosis not good. Taking into account her age...she is not a girl...

Olia!.. I'm dying! - Granmother!

Listen me careful..I want you to know. I'm very, very rich..

Do not worry, it will pass, you'll stand on your feet!

- Let me say..You are my only granddaughter,

and I'm leaving everything I have to you!

There's jewelry, gold, pearls on 9 billions..

Water.. - Give water! - What water? Champagne!

She raves!She has nothing, she is pure..

Of course not, who is Êîíå÷íî íåò, who's to argue with you.. Of course not, granmother, doesn't digress!..

Drink, Gran, drink!

- It is here I have nothing,here in Italy.. I

hid heirlooms in Russia during the Revolution..

Go there, Olga, take the key!.. I bequeath to you the treasures in Leningrad

They are hidden beneath a lion..Olga..

Signora,I beg you, speak louder,here all are close people!

What she was talking about some billions? Gold, rubies?

Uncontrolled verbal delirium,

a typical example of "Lirio pribaptis". - Of course, the typical delirium!

And in my opinion, she was fully conscious!

Cmon?"Dilius primortis"! - Heavy old, it is clear!

No, It is nonsence, nonsence! Delirium!

- Cigarettes? - Yes! - No, Thank you, Signor doesn't smoke.

Stop throwing your money away, you are not a

millionaire yet!.So many valuable things are sold!..

Even the clock had to be pawned!.. -Yes, my clocks!..

What is the difference, and we sold Fiat.

My Fiat!. -Stop trifles!

I had no lunches for the last two days!..trifles!..

It is not my fault! -But you had lunches, and I was watching at you!..

Right, I am a brain, and you have to feed brains..

Cheer up, we will soon be rich!

tired to walk on foot and without a clock! -Look, mafioso!!!

Christ and the Virgin Mary! What are you doing here?

What are we doing,Antonio? -We have decided to take a ride to Moscow.

-And back.. -naturlich,yes!. -Are you going to Moscow too?

Yes, to see relatives!.How, you don't know that I'm origin Russian?

Really?

Is it not Noticeably?! -Noticeably, you have perfect ukranian accent!

And there is nothing to rave about!

-Am I raging?..Raging?!Rosario on the coffin of life has not raged!

-Santa Rosalia, Is it a house for dates? -U-u,rather den gang!

Pardon!..

Pardon!..

Good morning!Are you going to Moscow too?

-You know, I head that there are very good orthopedists in Ruassia..

-And I'm going there too. Russia is my motherland but I have

never been there.. Nastalgiya, says, is fashionable now !

yes, I understand..

-Please.. -Signorina, I'm asking.. -And this one is here!

The all Holy Family!

Siniora, open cards, I think, it is useless to pretend!

Siniora I 'd like to do a proposal from me and my brother in law, if you allow.

Come on!

-Ok,9 billions is excellent number and perfectly

divisible, enough for all, why would not agree?

Bravo, I agree!

For 500 millions per each..Not lie on a road..

One minute!..

Did you say per 500 millions?.. But if 9 billions to devide per 6, it will be..

How much will it be, doctor? -1 billion and 500 millions! -Clear?

-And what am I talking?For 500 mil per each, and the rest for

me and Giuseppe..Sorry Doctor, but who discovered old woman?

Who dragged her to the hospital? We!!! -These 500 mil are not enough even for sigarettes for me!

Smoke less. Smoking is harmful to health!

Are you calculating my money?!

-Are you crazy?Funny! listen and wonder how you are cheeky dividing my money..

Do not forget that I have a legitimate heir to the treasures!

-Sorry, signorina, but you don't know sovetic laws! The treasure has

been hidden during the Revolution, and now you have no rights to it!

So you are on the same state as all others! -Ok, will see!I wish you a successful hunt!

Olga knows more then we! -I go!

Before the death, the old lady whispered smth in her ear!..

-What did she whisper? -Didn't hear. Silence, the mafia is coming!

-Cabin depressurization! The crew, prepare for disaster reduction!

-À-à-à-à-à!!! -Giuseppe, where are you going?

signorina,brandy, please!

Santa Rosalia!!!

-I'm 6015.. Man is overboarded! Man is overboarded!

Immediately go to the landing, rescue man!

Doctor, the patient is nervous, maybe bring him up?

No-no,then we all wll be freezed!

And if to pop him out and for one competitor less?

We need him as a stopgap!

Yes, and if he fall down, he'll bboke his head!

Exactly!

-To save the passengers decided to land on the highway.

-Land to Minsk highway between 132th and 140th km!

-Dear passengers, our plane makes emergency landing. It is absolutely safe!

Please do not smoke and fast your seat belts! We

hope to see you again on the board of our plain!

Thank you for your attention!

We had to go by train!..

Good buy!

-Bravo!!! -Bravo to pilot! -Bravo!

Bravo,Aeroftol is fine! Ura to pilot!!!

-What me? Look what is going on on your roads?!

Will unfreeze!.. Tools, mask!

-Do-dî-dî,doctor.. Am I alive or in-in the other world?

Welcome to Moscow! Who is Signor Antonio Lomazzo?

He is there.

Signor Antonio Lomazzo..

-Who is Signor Antonio Lomazzo here? -He is crazy.

-You? -What have you done? -I'm your guide!

We don't need a guide.

We haven't ordered. We have no money even for crying, and you are saying guid...thanks!

Signora, I am free.Please take flowers!

Nom we don't need even free. we will do with a printed guide,sorry.

Give Flowers!

Sorry, instead of free guide could we get a free clocks?

-Why are you interrupting me all the time. I'm not

your guide, I'm his!. I will accompany you everywhere.

Please,do not let them both to be out of your sight, they both need your attention so much!

You know, we will be ok without you,Signor guide.

Take care about this beautiful signorina, please. She is so bored..

With pleasure!

thank you!

But it is Signor Antonio the million Italian tourists,

- is visiting our country! - Me?.. I hadn't only this! - And you are not pleasured?

-Of course! -Please note, the Moscow airport Sheremetyevo. Takes daily