Repo Men

The federal government announced

it will declare bankruptcy in the next 90...

Flags continue to be flown at half-mast in the U.S. capital...

...have significantly deteriorated...

...developing global recession.

...And sustained an ultimately disastrous war.

What do I remember?

I remember reading about a scientist.

He had a thing for cats and boxes.

What he'd do is take a cat and lock it in a box.

And then, just to make things interesting,

he'd also put this machine in there that released poison gas.

Now, the scientist didn't actually know

when the machine would release the poison

and when it wouldn't.

The only way he could tell for sure

was to look inside the box.

Here's the science bit.

Until he opened it up, he figured the cat had to be alive

and dead.

See, if either one was possible,

then both had to be possible, too.

Ever since I read about that cat,

I can't get the story out of my head.

Don't get me wrong,

I don't give a fuck about the plight of small, furry animals.

I just don't understand.

How can anything be alive and dead at the same time?

Are you ready for tonight's entertainment?

Yeah, go, go, go, go.

Mr. Smythe?

I'm from The Union.

Holy fuck!

Wait! Okay? Just wait.

No worries. Keep it holstered. Everything's okay.

I can pay.

Sorry, that's not my department.

Hey.

Hey!

Don't you fucking touch me.

No need for violence, miss.

Henry Smythe, I am legally bound to ask you

if you would like an ambulance on standby

in order to take you to hospital.

Nope?

Okay.

My job is simple.

Can't pay for your car, the bank takes it back.

Can't pay for your house, the bank takes it back.

Can't pay for your liver,

well, that's where I come in.

Good morning, everybody. I'm Eric Fitzsimmons.

And I'm Sabrina Kenn. From around the globe and around the corner,

here's what's happening in your world this morning.

Some big news coming in from Nigeria this morning.

That's in Africa.

Now, of course, you know

that we've already got 10,000, 15,000 soldiers

over there, waiting at the Nigerian border.

Come home soon. Well, not too soon. Word's coming in

that the 34th Armored Division has arrived,

and they're ready to start the sixth phase of the war.

Operation Hope Springs Eternal.

Uh-uh-uh! Don't drink out of the bottle.

He does. Well, you don't.

I'm late. Can you take him?

Sure. Thank you.

...First place at yesterday's annual

Coney Island hot dog eating contest. Can you say "indigestion"?

Peter, leave it.

You got everything?

Yeah.

Dad, I'm okay from here.

All right. Have a good day.

Okay.

Almost every job I do ends the exact same way.

Some whimper. Some cry. Some even laugh.

But in the end, they all do the same horizontal mambo,

twitching and thrusting their way into the great beyond.

Hey, watch the suit!

Sorry, sir. I didn't know that was you. Sorry about that.

The Union, helping you get more you out of you.

In years past, nearly 200,000 people

waited on organ transplant lists at any given time,

hoping for someone else to die

so that they could possibly live.

But thanks to modern biomedical science,

the days of waiting and praying are over.

...Where the artiforg is expertly and cleanly inserted

with minimal invasion and scarring.

Now, if you can't afford the full payment of $618,429,

we can offer monthly installments at an APR of 19.6%,

standard for a generic pancreatic unit.

Frank Mercer, Union Manager.

I understand you have concerns.

Affordability. It's only natural.

First of all, let me just reassure you

that our credit department will find a plan that fits your lifestyle.

And should you fall behind,

there is a three-month grace period.

Not until after the sixth day of the fourth month of nonpayment

will we retrieve the property, at our own expense, of course,

utilizing our skilled and licensed technicians.

Now, I'm not sure what you've heard on the 6:00 news,

but this almost never happens.

I got to tell you, you owe it to your family.

You owe it to yourself.

Now, if you could just sign here, here,

and initial here, we can get started.

He'll sign it.

Everybody signs it.

All right.

Ears, ears, ears.

Goddamn ears again. Shit.

A job's a job, right?

I'm just saying, ears, four times in a row.

Fucking probation ain't fair.

Wasn't fair what you did to that woman on the subway, was it?

Yeah. Well, you weren't there, were you?

Hey, my sister's kid, he wants in. He's a good kid.

Talk to Frank.

Yeah, but I figured I'd get a recommendation from you, you know? Level Five?

I don't know the kid, do I?

You're killing me, coming in the front like that.

I got guys trying to make sales out there,

I don't need you on the floor spooking clients, all right?

We want them buying, not thinking.

Six paid-in-fulls this week. You know what that means?

No. What, Frank?

They see you,

they start turning down the loans and coming up with the cash.

We don't make money when they pay in full. Right, pal?

- What do you got? - Liver.

What's that? Liver.

What, are you hanging out at AA meetings?

Day's count, give it up, buddy. What's the magic number?

Not today, Jake.

Wrong answer.

Jake Freivald kicked my ass in the fourth grade.

It wasn't exactly fair,

seeing as he was in the fourth grade for the third time.

Maybe he didn't appreciate the rhyme scheme.

But he had to admire an aspiring writer

who could give as good as he got.

After the war, a job at the Union was a perfect match for our specialized skill-set.

The recruiter told us we were protecting America's medical establishment.

We didn't care who we were protecting.

Fuck!

Hey, come on. Come on, come on.

Here you go!

Two livers and a Jarvik!

You got to stop nicking these bar codes, Jake!

Won't happen again, boss!

You okay, man? You okay?

I'm working with fucking children.

Come on, let's go hit a few.

Yeah, all right. I've got to tell Carol.

Of course you do.

So, did you talk to Frank today?

About moving over to sales?

No, I didn't get a chance.

What? You mean when you were standing next to him?

Right. Right, I'll talk to him on Monday.

You know, you're turning me into a horrible, naggy bitch.

You were always a horrible, naggy bitch.

Just get him out of here.

See you later. Yeah.

Come on.

That went well.

Maybe next time she'll crochet you a set of balls.

What do you think?

Come test-drive the most advanced neural sensory replicator,

The Union's M.5 Neural Net.

Sweet dreams are made of these.

Stay super dry.

You know what this is about, right?

It's about control. She's trying to control you.

I mean, you got to move from Repo to sales,

that's like cutting your pay in half, man. Half.

She thinks sales is more stable.

Nine to five, no late nights. I'll be home more often.

Buddy, you and me, we're always gonna be Repo.

Check out fatty.

You know his organs went out a long time ago.

Twenty bucks says he's overdue.

Yeah, I'm in. 20 bucks.

- Deadbeat? - Almost.

Pancreas. Two days.

Oi! How's your pancreas holding up?

I sent the money in this morning.

You better hope you did.

48 hours, your organ's mine.

Slow down, mate. You're gonna need a new heart, as well.

P. Morton? That's Patrick Morton.

The guy from Company C?

Yeah.

Here, let me see it.

The bastard... Bastard, he still lives with his parents.

Did you ever repo anybody you know?

I had to do my granddad.