The Mindy Project

People always ask me why I like romantic comedies so much.

If I hadn't been fox books,

and you hadn't been the shop around the corner,

and you and I had just met...

- I know. - Yeah.

It's because even under extraordinary circumstances,

the right two people can end up together.

Guys, today someone from my past is taking me out to lunch.

- Who, your uncle? - Yes, Danny.

I'm wearing this really cool outfit for my uncle from Denver.

Anyway, over the weekend,

I was adding some photos to Facebook...

To an album called "gone snacking,"

when a picture of a hot dog was liked by a guy named Sam,

as in Sam Kleinfeld.

- Ooh! - Ah!

When I was 13,

my one dream in life was to go to sleepaway camp.

My parents said no

'cause they were worried I'd get molested, which is crazy,

'cause I was not that cute a kid.

Finally, they agreed,

but only if it was Jewish sleepaway camp.

Camp Takanae.

If I was going to be away from home for several weeks,

my parents only trusted me in the gentle hands

of the Jews of the berkshire mountains.

Hi.

Everyone wants to know why you're here.

Are you even Jewish?

For your information,

camp Takanae has been open to non-Jewish campers

since the landmark 1989 case chan versus Takanae.

And that's when I met him.

Sure, she's Jewish, Tony.

She's just sephardic.

No, I'm not.

Wait. What is that?

Don't worry about it. The joke landed.

I'm Sam. Hi, I'm Mindy.

Do you want to see a piece of the Berlin Wall?

Check this out.

Whoa.

That's gonna be worth $1 million someday.

I don't think I ever laughed more

than when I was hanging out with Sam that summer.

He sounds hilarious.

What are you basing that on?

Well, she said he's Jewish.

Morgan, we're in the middle of Manhattan, for God's sake.

But if you guys had such a deep connection,

why didn't you stay in touch?

Betsy, we were 13. We didn't know any better.

You didn't even email?

Email was not invented yet. What about Facebook?

- Facebook wasn't really a thing yet. - How old are you?

I'm fine. I'm young. Don't worry about me, okay?

Yeah, these Facebook connections, they rarely pan out.

I once thought I was going to meet a welsh supermodel.

Next thing I know, I'm having a romantic dinner

with a man with no torso. Ugh.

I was catfished before catfish.

Well, I hope he's great. Thanks, Morgan.

And it breaks my heart,

some of the slimeballs you've been with.

I'd like you to be less invested.

But yeah, if he is anything

like the way he was when he was 13, sure.

I can see us having a real relationship.

You want to date a 13-year-old?

I don't want to date a 13-year-old.

It could work. You like the same music.

Hi, I'm looking for Mindy Lahiri.

Hi.

Hey, Sam.

He doesn't look Jewish.

it is, um, so good to see you.

I wish I could see you, but... I'm blind now.

Oh, my God.

I'm not actually blind. That's a weird joke to make.

I don't know why I did that. I'm sorry.

I was nervous to see you, so I thought I'd do a bit.

Uh, okay.

You look the same, honestly, which is very nice.

Hey, any friend of Dr. Lahiri's is a boss of mine.

Cool. Let me grab this coat for you.

Oh, you're taking my coat off. Oh, I love your t-shirt.

Did you get that at urban outfitters?

Oh, no. I got it from the army.

They ge you them for free when you join.

I just got back from Afghanistan.

I gotta tell you, I've been a big fan of seal team 6

way before you guys killed Bin Laden.

Cool. I'm not in seal team 6.

I got you. You're not in seal team 6.

I'm really not. I hear you.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Sam, I'm Danny. Hey.

Thank you so much for your service.

Can someone get this guy a sandwich?

And not a wrap, an actual sandwich on real bread.

- Awesome. - That's what you're fighting for.

I'll keep that in mind while I'm taking fire.

I know you will.

Yeah.

So if you don't mind me asking,

it must be pretty challenging for you

to acclimate to civilian life.

It was pretty weird. Yeah.

I got to be totally honest. Yeah.

There's even more singing competition shows now?

That actually spooked me out for a second.

- Your hair's pretty long. - For the military, yeah.

This happens in, like, two weeks.

Whoa. Very good metabolism.

You're so different, Sam, than how I remember you.

Seriously, you're not what I thought.

I thought you'd be, like, a boring mom with three kids.

You'd be showing me pictures

of, like, your babies riding your dog or something like that.

I didn't think that it'd be, you know,

you're a pretty doctor.

Thank you.

You ever get your period?

That was a big thing last time we talked.

We decided to take your advice and use a sperm donor.

Fantastic.

Who's the guy?

He's handsome with the class of a young Robert Duvall.

And the gravitas of an old Robert Duvall.

Amazing. Did you talk to this guy already?

Actually, we're doing it right now.

Wait, you want... My guys?

Here you go. (Woman) Thank you.

So, what are you gonna do now?

Like, go meet up with your girlfriend and make out with her?

What?

I was trying to find out during lunch

if you had a girlfriend.

Oh. That's the best you could come up with?

That's lame.

Your boyfriend must always make fun of you

for saying... You're right.

It's actually really hard to do that organically.

Here you go.

Thank you.

Yeah.

I don't have a boyfriend. I don't have a girlfriend.

I have six kids though.

Shut up.

I don't know about this, guys.

We don't want to pressure you,

but you'd be giving us the greatest gift.

We'd be so lucky if our son turned out like you.

Okay.

Okay.

I'll do it.

See, honey? That was easy.

Of all the places in New York,

you wanted to go to a drug store?

Yeah, I do.

This place, this is heaven.

They don't have any of this stuff in Afghanistan.

Hey, is this lady shampoo?

Okay.

You know what you actually

miss the most while you're over there?

This is gonna sound insane.

"Bouncy hair that he will want to run this fingers through"?

It's the way girls smell.

It doesn't actually say "he'll" on it.

Well, this is the shampoo that I use.

Mmm.

It's nice.

Okay. This is nuts. Let's...

Ooh, self-checkout. No.

We've lived to see the future.

Please don't do this.

Sam, self-checkout is the biggest scam.

Are you joking? What's the scam about?

You think you're saving all this time,

but you really aren't. No, you are.

There's a reason why no one was in this line,

'cause they all are smart.

Okay, now...

Please scan the bar code of your first item.

It talks.

Where on my item is the bar code?

I don't know this item... Okay, right there.

You found it.

(Self-checkout machine) First item scanned.

Look at you. You're a natural.

You got a second career.

Please place item into bag.

I placed it in the bag.

Please place item into bag.

I already did that.

You have not placed an item into bag.

I'm sure there's, like, a button.

You are attempting to place