Spell

Ladies and gentlemen,

we hope you had a pleasant flight,

and welcome to Iceland.

Halló. Ertu leigubíl...

Uh... I speak English, you know.

- Most of us do. - Okay. Thank God.

- Um, are you working? - Uh, yes, sir.

Where do you wanna go? Um...

Where do people go?

Uh, what do you mean?

Like when they, uh, fly in, where do most people go?

Uh, most people go to the capital, you know, Reykjavik.

- Okay. - Yeah, to their hotels and...

- Okay, cool, yeah, let's do that. - All right.

Uh, do you have any bags or...

No, I didn't really plan this trip.

I just had to get away.

Uh, your name, sir?

Benny M-Miller.

How many guests will be staying in your room?

Just one.

Also want to mention that our water is geothermally heated.

Many guests are asking why it smells like sulfur.

- So, it's normal, heh. - Okay.

Goddamn it. Ugh!

Fuck.

Yeah, it smells like farts.

Ahem.

Baby, you promised we could go to Iceland.

Oh, yeah? Tastes like... lipstick.

Oh, my God. No, it doesn't.

It's gum.

- Okay, come here. - Mmm.

What the fuck am I doing here?

Loftur.

Folktales about magic in Iceland go back a thousand years

to the first Viking settlers.

And while we enjoy the freedom of religion today,

many have been burned at the stake

for their belief in sorcery in the past.

Now, most of the magic used by everyday people

were simple symbols, or staves,

but some stories talk about mysterious black spells.

One of the most famous Icelandic stories

is about a magic student named Loftur,

who craved to know all the spells he could.

And after he exhausted the knowledge of the day,

Loftur decided he wanted to learn ancient secrets

by raising someone from the dead.

He performed a powerful and complicated spell,

now known as Loftur's Spell,

which was said to contain magic so strong

he could control Satan himself.

He chanted and drew runes in the blood of a murdered man.

He carved a stave on his chest.

And many of us say...

...he will one day return and complete his spell.

Sir? Sir?

Are you all right, sir?

Oh, yeah. Sorry.

Uh, yeah, I just have this, uh, condition.

Uh, sorry. I'm gonna find a... pharmacy.

I think I found Loftur.

So, as I was saying...

This is, uh, Benny Miller calling for Dr. Haskell.

If you can give me a call back, that would be great.

Um, they're not renewing my prescription,

which is frustrating 'cause my OCD is getting a bit out of control.

And I'm in Iceland, which should make

this whole process infinitely harder.

Thanks.

What's the, uh, Icelandic term for self-medicating?

I don’t know...

Yeah. Here's to that.

Yeah, man, you don't wanna mess with diabetes

'cause that'll, like, go through your whole family, yo.

Ah!

Excuse me.

I’m so sorry.

Oh, sorry, I don't speak, uh, Icelandic.

Oh, okay.

I was just saying I'm sorry.

We've been yelling in your ear

and now I'm spilling your drink.

- I'm so sorry. - Oh, no. It's okay.

- Let us buy you a drink. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- We'll buy you a drink. - No.

Yeah, yeah, of course.

We were about to have a round of Landi.

Yeah, it's like real... "Lanthy"?

Landi... it's like real Icelandic moonshine.

- I mean, sure. - Yeah, let's do it.

All right.

Skal.

Skal! Skal!

Skal!

Holy shit!

Was that poison? That was terrible!

What? You didn't like it?

No!

Oh!

Let's do some more!

Yeah! Skal! Skal!

Skal!

Okay, okay.

- It's Björn, Hildur... - Yeah.

Vagn and Inga...

So, what are you doing here?

Um, I don't know.

Just hanging out in the city, I guess.

He should go with Steindór, of course.

Yeah! What is a "Stink door"?

"Steindór."

He's this crazy old man.

He gives private tours to tourists

and shows you shit no tourists ever get to see.

You'll love it. Love it.

- Do it in the morning! - No!

He has a seriously cool cabin by a waterfall.

You know what? I'll email him, just right now.

No, hold on.

Wait, no. I don't know if I...

Do it! Come on.

Do it.

Fuck it. I'm in.

- To Steindór! - Yeah, Steindór!

- Steindór! - There you go!

Yeah.

Guys!

Shall we go?

Okay.

I’m going to stay.

With this guy?

What’s with you tonight? You’re acting all weird.

Just go, alright? I’m fine.

Is everything okay? Huh?

Yeah, yeah, they're just leaving.

- Okay. - All right.

Bye. - All right, we'll see you.

- Are you gonna go or... - We have to finish our game, right?

Okay.

Oh, now that you've stolen my guy.

- And... yup. - You're a thief.

- And now he died. - Yeah, so you lose.

Okay, that's fair.

I'm sorry. It's okay.

We should take a walk. All right?

Okay... okay.

You're sure?

I swear Björn is not a serial killer.

Those glasses are so bad.

I know.

Hey, you got any tattoos?

Uh, yeah, I have seven.

What?

Yeah, but they're all where you can't see them.

Oh, okay.

Well, now I have a new goal in life.

Do you think I was giving you a challenge?

Yes. Oh, my God.

You Americans are so confident.

- How many do you have? - None.

- Ohh. - Yeah.

I've never liked one enough to get it.

Oh...

Well, how about this?

If you get one right here, right now,

I will show you one of mine.

Do I get to pick which tattoo?

- No. - Okay.

Then I'm gonna need to see

at least five of your tattoos.

Ah... three.

Three is not enough.

- 31/2. - Yeah? 31/2?

Yeah.

Let's get me a goddamn tattoo.

Oh, my God. Okay.

I mean, the skull Viking, right?

Yeah.

These are really popular with the tourists.

Oh, well, I don't want that. I don't want a tourist one.

I might as well get a barbed wire tattoo.

Um, I know... I know what you should get.

- What? - I have something

that I was just looking at the other day.

It's like old-school Icelandic.

Let me show you. This.

- Oh, cool. - Have you seen it?

Yeah, what are they? What are they?

It's called staves.

Oh, yeah. I saw these at the...

uh, this magic museum I went in yesterday.