China Seas

Stand by for the mail.

Stand by for the mail.

We know you're not a pirate.

You'll get your knife back when we dock in Singapore.

Get on the phone and call Scranton, PA.

- Ask about J. Wilberforce Timmons. - Have you any arms, sir?

Just these you see growing out of me armpits.

No excuses, Mr. Atkins, your job is to look after this dock.

If I ever find it in this state again, I'll... How's your wife?

She's very much better, sir. And thank you very much for the flowers.

Don't thank me. My gardener has to get rid of them somehow.

Who's the big shot?

Sir Guy Wilmerding, managing director of the line.

This way, Sir Guy. Gangway, please. Glad to have you with us again, sir.

None of that mush. I know how glad you are.

Not bad. Not bad at all for a synthetic stone.

You ought to know, Paul.

My lovely Olga!

- Hey, I bet that lug's tops in China. - That's the insignia of Wing Yu-Lan.

Everything in the archipelago pays dividends to him.

- Good morning, purser. - Good morning, Miss Yu-Lan.

We've arranged to take your chairs aboard in the after-gangway.

Thank you.

- Mr. Dawson, here comes the captain. - Look at him, with a three-days hangover.

And watch him grouse.

Of all the ungrateful, brass-hearted skippers of a rusty old teakettle...

...who thinks he's still strutting it in the Royal Navy.

Captain.

Alan! Alan Gaskell. I've got some last-minute cargo for you.

Ken, what are you doing up in broad daylight?

Captain Gaskell, I want you to meet Charlie McCaleb, the American novelist.

- How do you do? - How do you do?

Well, Hong Kong seems to have taken you to her bosom.

I've seen your face before. Don't tell me. It's right on the tip of my tongue.

- Remember Johnson? - Johnson?

- Who? - Johnson.

- Johnny, what are you doing way out here? - Maybe you could tell me.

No, no, this is Captain Gaskell, the master of the ship you're on.

- Aye, captain. Coming along with us? - Yes. Yes, I'm afraid so.

He's over here gathering material for a new novel.

I've dragged him through wars, riots and revolutions.

He doesn't even know he's in China. If you should stir up anything exciting...

...shove him in a front seat and tie his eyes open, will you?

I'm not running a nursery. I'm not stirring up excitement for the sake of literature.

- See you later. - Don't you worry.

I'll be right there. I'm the old Ringside Kid. Got an eye like an eagle.

Goodbye, Captain Griscol. I had a marvelous trip.

Ship ahoy! Ship ahoy!

Ship ahoy.

- Are you all right, Charlie? - I cover the waterfront.

- Steward! - Good morning, sir.

- Is that clean brass? - Sorry, sir...

- You haven't answered my question! - No, sir, it isn't clean brass, sir.

- You've been sampling my whiskey again. - Yes, sir.

- Not as good as the last lot, is it? - No, sir.

- Do something about it. - I will.

- Thank you. - Thank you, sir. Sir Guy wants to see you.

- Good morning, captain. - Good morning.

So there you are.

- Morning, Mrs. Aiken. - We were just talking about you, captain.

Mrs. Aiken tells me you've been sensationally blotto...

...ever since you went ashore.

- Sir Guy... - Oh, she does, eh?

If you don't like my behavior ashore or aboard ship, you can get a new boy.

- In fact, I wish you would. - You wouldn't go if you could.

Wouldn't I? I'm so close to being back in England...

...I can hear Big Ben chiming. - I've heard that for 50 years.

Only the weak ones sneak out of the China Seas.

It's the bullheads like you that stay on.

What about a little spot to keep your brain from addling?

I haven't the time. I've got to get the pride of your fleet underway.

Mr. Rockwell, go to the captain's saloon. Check those chronometers.

- Good morning, sir. - Good morning.

Third officer isn't aboard yet, sir.

I know. I've been looking him over at the Sepoy Hospital.

Cleaned out High Spade McQueen's last night.

- Bad, sir? - Yes, knife in the kidneys.

Port captain's trying to find someone to replace him.

- What have you got in your mouth? - Chewing tobacco, sir.

Bad enough having a ship like this and a captain like me...

...without having a chief officer like you!

Sorry, sir. I had it in my jaw when I came on duty, and I forgot all about it.

Mr. Willet of the Royal Canada Bank is waiting to see you, sir.

- Just down there at your quarters. - Thank you.

- Hello, Willet. - Good morning, captain.

- The gold come aboard yet? - Yes, sir.

All stowed away as we agreed?

In the steamroller.

- Good. - Thank you, sir.

Wipe that smile off your face!

Is that your idea of clean brass? You haven't answered my question!

Did I ask you...?

Little too big for you, isn't it, Mr. Rockwell.

I apologize, sir. Chief Officer sent me down to check the chronometers.

- Well, I don't keep them in my cap. - No, sir.

- What are you going to do with that button? - Button it, sir.

I was just hoping you weren't too angry with me, sir.

Well, carry on.

Thank you, sir.

Excuse me, sir.

Who's in there?

- China Doll, the gal that drives men mad. - What the devil are you doing aboard?

Nothing alarming, just showering the dewdrops off the body beautiful.

How many hours do we have to spend saying goodbye before it takes?

That's just the trouble, toots, it took too good.

Gee, you were sweet to me.

Say, maybe you could use all that money you won at the Tai Fan last night.

- Then we were there? - We had a million laughs.

- I made 17 passes myself. - Get on your horse. We're shoving off here...

Why so anxious to get me out? Is that hunk of caviar making the round trip?

- What hunk of caviar? - That redheaded Russian princess.

She isn't a Russian or a princess. I have my doubts about her hair being red.

If she was a Chinese sextet, it'd be the same to me.

I'm trying to get through your numskull that I won't stand by and...

Now, wait a minute, Dolly!

You and I are friends.

We've had a lot of fun together.

And as far as I'm concerned, you're number one girl in the archipelago.

But I don't remember making any vows to you...

...nor do I recall asking for any.

Don't you get polite at me. When you start talking with your high-hat on...

...I know you mean it, and it scares me.

Who do you think you are? If I had a nickel's worth of pride...

If that's the way you feel, I'm not in your wake.

That's just the soup I'm in. I don't feel that way at all.

You dog.

Well, that's more like it.

Come in.

- Pilot tug's alongside, sir. - Stand by to single up your lines.

Aye, aye, sir.

All right now, nuisance, over shore.

Look, what am I gonna do with my ticket? It's all paid for.

I knew something's up your sleeve. We'll get your money back.

- I got a job in Singapore. Honest. - I suppose they've elected you mayor.

It's on the level. Hoffman sent me a contract for the rest of the season.

I know how you feel. I won't come near you.

No.

All right, toots, you win. I hope you have a good trip.

Goodbye.

All right, all right. If you've got your ticket and a job...

...I don't suppose I've got... - Lambie!

Stop wrestling me around!

You're turning this skiff into an excursion launch.

Come on, snap into it with that fore-hold loading!

So you just came down to say goodbye...

...with enough cigarettes for a New York voyage.

I'll smoke a lot more cigarettes than that, toots...

...before we ever really say goodbye.

Listen, I told you to...

Good morning, sir.

Davids, isn't it? Tom Davids?

Yes, sir.

Your port captain told me to report for duty as third officer.

- Duty as what? - Third officer.

These rocking-chair sailors ashore.

Here I am in the middle of typhoon season, a tough voyage ahead.

I ask for a fighter. They send a punching bag.

Give me a chance. It's the first one I've had for over a year.

I know these waters better than most. I've sailed them for over 10 years.

No one had a better record on this coast than I had.

Then, just because of an accident... I'm not a coward.

Stow it. You let pirates scuttle your ship. You lost every white man except yourself.

- Board of Trade lifted your ticket. I didn't. - Give me a chance. Please.

You got a uniform?

Nothing clean, sir.

I'll have the steward give you one of mine.

- Yes, sir. - Report to Mr. Dawson.

I'll have the uniform laundered and returned.

No, that's all right, keep it. You'll probably need it.

Thank you, sir.

Well, if it ain't old rough-on-rats himself. How are you, Jamesy?

Dolly, you're looking just as pretty as ever. Bidding the big boy goodbye?

- Goodbye nothing. I'm making this voyage. - No, you're not.

Why, I'm just as happy as if I'd won the Calcutta sweepstakes.

You ought to have the shekels piled up to the roof by now.

I haven't done so bad, you know.

Dolly, I'm still willing to share it all with you.

Say, there ain't enough dough in all Asia to make me change...

...the way I feel about one guy.

Still crazy about that Gaskell, huh?

Whenever you get tired of running around with an Airedale...

...and you want to run around with a Saint Bernard, why, you let me know.

Sure. When I get lost in the Alps, I'll whistle for you.

All right, I'll come running. Goodbye, Dolly.

See you later.

You be easy with them there pigs. Well, Kingston, you're a wonder.

How you've been able to sail with sour-belly Gaskell...

...as long as you have, I don't know.

- Jamesy. - Well, Captain Gaskell.

I was just telling Kingston how happy I was to be sailing with you.

Hey, stow that on the port side!

You still carry that cargo of soft soap, eh, Jamesy?

I mean it. You don't know what a safe feeling it is...

...to be sailing with a captain that's never been raided by the pirates.

There's not much profit for pirates in this zoo of yours.

Who are you swindling with this scrubby lot?

That's the finest lot of animals I've ever shipped.

Well, they're not as noisy as that last batch of sopranos you had.

Just between you and me, what do you give them to keep them quiet?

I give them one of these little pills.