Modern Family

Breathe it in, girls. My journey begins today.

Finally bringing something into this world I can be proud of.

As children, the Wright brothers dreamed of flying machines.

Oprah dreamed of hiding presents under chairs.

And I dreamed of building something magnificent.

Well, recently, Jay and I bought a vacant lot

on which we are building Dunphy tower.

What I wouldn't give to reach back in time

to tell the 15-year-old dreamer who drew this,

"we did it, kid."

Hey.

Claire, you look terrible.

Thanks.

No. I mean, you're all locked up.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I guess the spa day that I booked for you tomorrow

came at the perfect time.

Oh, right, that.

I have to be very delicate with Gloria around my birthday.

Last year, for some insane reason,

she got me this gift certificate

for ridiculous salsa-dancing lessons.

Like I'm ever gonna use that. Come on.

Anyway, somehow, she's convinced herself

I didn't "appreciate" her gifts.

You know.

Some people.

So, tomorrow at work might be a little bit hectic.

Just a lot of stuff going on at the office.

And it's not that I don't want to do it, 'cause I do.

No, Claire, let's not do this dance again.

We all know how you feel about dancing.

Proud, proud day, Phil.

Thanks, partner.

Maybe we should get this show on the road.

The photographer's been taking shots of Haley

when she's not looking.

That's weird. I didn't hire a photographer.

Dunphy, right? Jared cook.

Nice shovel.

Thanks. I painted it myself.

This is my partner, Jay pritchett.

I represent jetatech. Are you familiar with us?

Not in the least.

Oh, you'll have to forgive Jay.

He's a bit of luddite.

Anyway, our building is two doors down,

and we're looking to expand our campus.

We want this lot,

and we're prepared to offer you

20% over what you paid plus expenses.

That's a nice offer, jare,

but I don't think you understand what's happening here.

It's not about the huge profits.

We're building my son-in-law's dream,

and it's gonna be a giant success

because this is man of vision.

Oh, I know all about dreams.

Someday, I hope to get into encrypted packet switching.

Good luck to you, gentlemen.

Jay, this man's vision just got blurry with tears.

Would you get ahold of yourself.

I just said that crap to drive the price up.

He'll be back.

I don't want him to come back.

Whether you meant it or not, this is my dream.

We're in this to make money.

And we will.

By the power vested in me by the commercial zoning board,

I do hereby officially break ground

on the future home of Dunphy tower.

Oh, that's... Strong soil.

That's a good omen.

I'm gonna pogo it.

Anybody else bring a shovel?

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Oh, thank god you're here. It's a nightmare.

The staff is in an uproar about these budget cuts.

Telling them there's no more overtime was bad,

but when I had to tell them there were no more bagels,

someone threw a cup at my head.

I don't know what else to do.

Sales-wise we didn't exactly have

the Christmas I was hoping for.

What do people give each other, anyway?

Well, just spitballing here...

Maybe we could fire Kenny from the warehouse.

No one's getting fired.

But he does a really hurtful impression of me.

Come on, guys. Everybody gather round.

I don't like these budget cuts any more than you do,

but I want you to know I'm in this with you.

I've cut my expenses.

All the execs are flying coach.

But I do want you to feel like you have a voice in this.

So, not only is my office door always open to you,

I've actually had it removed.

That's a very powerful metaphor, boss.

That's a very powerful metaphor, boss.

Kenny, thanks for keeping it light.

So good.

Gloria: Happy birthday!

What are you doing in here?

You said that you were too busy

to get away from the office to celebrate.

So I brought the celebration to you.

Snap. Oh.

Is that caviar? Yes!

And something to wash it down.

Oh, yay, champagne.

Get me a door.

If I don't win the science fair with this thing you built me,

it's rigged.

Amen, sister.

Oh, come on, you started without me?

No, we finished without you.

Yeah, we wanted it work.

I guess you also wanted it to be really simplistic,

because right there, you can make it better

if you just added...

Okay.

So, right there,

you can make it better if you just added...

Okay, I thought you said you were done!

Okay, Mitchell, I love you.

But...?

No "but."

Yet we both know I'm the more mechanically-inclined daddy.

I'm handy.

If it makes you feel any better, I didn't do anything, either.

No, that doesn't make me feel better.

You're supposed to be learning from this.

I learned a new swear word.

Uh, um, I got a splinter. It was worth it.

Watch.

Is that it?

I'm confused 'cause I'm not mechanically inclined.

Hardy-har-har.

No, I just need to make a little adjustment.

- Watch out! - Ohh!

Oh, my god! Oh! Oh!

Are you okay? Oh!

That's not part of it.

I got here as quick as I could.

Please tell me this is good news.

Please tell me that's oil.

Found a sewer line running straight through the property.

Also, a water main,

and for some reason, giant pockets of methane.

Talk to me, Pete.

I feel like I just did.

How much is it gonna cost?

Money-wise, you're looking at mid-six-figures.

When you say six, does that include the two-cent figures?

No.

Plus, time-wise, you're looking at maybe a year delay

with permits and utilities, environmental...

Stop talking to me, Pete.

Oh, my god, why is Jay here?

I called him, too.

He'll shut this whole project down if he sees this.

Put some plywood over the hole.

Tony, do what you can to cover the methane smell.

Everybody else, just look busy.

How could this happen? I had a ladybug land on my shoulder today.

What's the problem?

Problem is I'm hungry.

The solution... we're walking distance to little India.

Shall we? What's that smell?

Shh, that's... that's Pete.

He's, uh, very sensitive about it. Don't bring it up.

While I got you,

I was thinking about putting in a bike rack over here.

What the hell is that? I didn't see anything.

I'm sure if something was wrong, someone would...

Oh, they love quittin' time.

Just like "the flintstones."

I'm starting to develop a theory

that maybe all this is related to why Pete called me.

Jay, I think that's just a little paranoid.

Well, there...

There was one thing.

Sorry. This one's definitely vanilla.

I thought you said "mocha."

Oops, I accidentally made my favorite drink.

Thanks for the tip.

I've been working here for five years.

Didn't get this far by being stupid.

I'm thinking about having a little party at my place tonight.

You down, a-dogg?

If "down" means attending

and "a-dogg" means Alex, then yes.

I thought I'd quit the coffee shop when I went back to school,

but I'm kind of loving it.

Plus, it taught me something important.

If you pretend to be who people want you to be,

you can have as many friends as you want.

God, I would love another crack at high school.