Hap and Leonard

1, 2, 3, 4,

5, 6, 7,

8, 9, 10, 11...

You're supposed to count to 100, Jezebel.

I know!

Start all over, all the way to 100.

- I will! - No peeking!

1...

2, 3, 4...

5, 6, 7, 8,

9, 10,

11, 12... Daisy. Daisy! Daisy, get the children!

13, 14... Daisy: Let's go. Come on, hurry up, now.

Go! Boy: Come on.

Hurry, children, let's go.

26, 27... Come on, babies. Come on.

28, 29...

30, 31, 32...

Come on, children. Let's go.

Let's go. Come on.

Come on.

Where's Jezzy?

Where's Jezzy?

98, 99, 100!

1...

2...

3...

4...

5...

6...

7...

She ain't for you is all I'm sayin'.

Woman looks at me like I'm James Garner.

She black.

Yeah.

Black and beautiful.

And you ain't.

Never stopped me and you.

Me and you ain't you and her.

Somethin' ain't right.

You didn't think Krazzee Judy was right for me, either,

as I recall.

Oh, please. I told you she is crazy.

No, you told me her name is crazy.

You didn't tell me she was a contortionist.

Name one contortionist that ain't crazy.

How many contortionists you know?

One, and she's crazy.

She used to do this thing with... with her legs

where...

Damn.

Len.

There goes your alibi.

Who in the hell wanna kill a old man?

Maybe it was an accident.

You drive into the pond by accident, you get out.

Well, maybe he had a heart attack.

Maybe the seat belt broke.

Maybe it wasn't an accident. I don't know.

Either way, the end result gon' be the same...

My black ass goin' to jail.

Yeah, come on. Help me get him outta here.

Oh, hell no. I ain't touching no dead. That's bad mojo.

Man, I thought you didn't believe in that shit.

I don't. He did.

I tell you what's worse mojo is

leaving him here and not calling the cops.

Really? Yeah, really.

Hmm.

Sheriff Valentine?

This is Leonard Pine and Hap Collins.

We want to report another dead body.

Mm-hmm, we the last ones see him alive.

No, sir, we ain't got no alibi.

Just two Samaritans don't know

whether to check they ass or scratch they watch.

Have a nice day.

That was good. You make that up?

I watch a lot of TV.

Come on, I got an idea.

Push! Goddamn it! My sciatica acting up!

Come on, push!

Keep going.

Leonard: Keep going.

Go.

Go.

Wanna say a few words?

Nah, I'm good.

Aah! Ow!

Ah! Somethin' down here.

Hey.

Ow.

The hell is this? Give me a hand here.

Yeah, take... Hold on, hold on.

Wait, wait. You got it? Yeah.

Okay.

Hap: I got it.

Pull it up now.

That's it.

I don't remember a damn thing in Chester's lunchbox

about no gate.

At least now we know what happened to the hands.

I'll ask Florida to take another look.

She made copies of everythin'.

Why?

Why'd she make copies?

Or why should I ask her to take another look?

Either/or. Well, she's our lawyer.

She's my lawyer, Hap.

Hey, hey, hey. What?

Illium's dead,

and this gate is the only thing standin' between me and jail.

I don't need your lil' pecker gettin' in the way of that.

Howdy.

Dare I hope this is a social call, Miss Grange?

I'd like you to recuse yourself from the Leonard Pine case.

Now why on earth would I do that?

Because you are not an impartial judicial authority on the case.

What say now?

40 years is a long time.

Most people don't remember what they were doin' 40 years ago.

Hell, most people don't remember

what they were doin' 40 minutes ago.

But I guess...

if your daddy was run over by some drunk-ass teenager,

40 years might feel like 40 minutes.

And you're implying that I can't preside over this case without bias.

Yes, sir, I am.

With respect.

Let me be honest, Miss Grange.

I don't think about that night very much.

You need to recuse. Judge.

You need to remember who I am.

Counselor.

Can I get ya somethin', Miss Grange?

She was just leavin'.

Thank you, Miriam.

In fact, I am just leavin'.

You believe in reincarnation, Judge?

Why?

'Cause next life, I'm comin' back as her.

If you gon' be out there in them streets actin' grown,

you best know how to feed yourself.

Your grandma teach you how to cook?

Nah.

My Uncle Chester did that.

He was the best cook on the block next to MeMaw.

He couldn't touch her pies.

But then again,

she couldn't mess with his ribs, either.

- Put that on the table for me. - Okay.

Hey, hey! Unh-unh-unh-unh, that's mine!

Look, the rule is that

you don't cook, you don't eat in this house.

Final.

Go on!

And after you make your breakfast,

you're gon' tell me what's in this little box o' yours.

Hanson: We have a warrant to search the premises.

Can't nothin' them cops do that Florida can't undo.

You might as well sit still till she come here.

I tell you, MeMaw.

It was easier for me being black in Vietnam

than it is in my own damn country.

Now why you think Chester paid

for that girl to go to school?

So she could learn to fight the white man like a white man,

in they courts.

Old Chester paid for Florida's law school

after he kicked me out, huh?

I'll be damned.

Now, honey, if you gon' blame a dead man

for the way things turned out, you might as well turn in.

You and Leonard need to go talk to Illium.

I know I told you yesterday that he'd do the right thing.

But now? I'm...

I-I'm not so sure.

I think we're gonna have to come up with something else.

We don't have anything else. Well, we'll find something.

You and Leonard? Yeah.

Ugh. Don't do anything stupid.

Oh, now, that hurt. That... that... that... ugh.

Anything. You hear me?

Nothin'.

Yes, ma'am.

Dirty old man.

Evening, all.

Thanks. Apples from Florida's tree.

Oh, my, my.

Oh, put them gorgeous things in the kitchen.

I'm-a make us a apple pie.

I'm taking you for lunch in Cooperstown.

What's in Cooperstown?

Answers, I hope.

Calm down, Miss Grange.

We got a search warrant.

An anonymous tip, I suppose.

Best kind.

What is Sneed doing here?

Doing his job.