How I Met Your Mother

Whoa, sorry, sorry.

Oh, my God! You know that there is gonna be champagne

at this party, right? I know, I know.

But we're gonna get there and it's gonna be

everyone congratulating you on your book,

saying, "This is a revelation!

"You're gonna end poverty in our time.

"This is the greatest book anyone's ever written

in any genre."

You're the only one that says that, sweetie.

Well, it's true.

So before I lose you

to your adoring public,

I just want to take a moment, you and I,

to celebrate the best year of our lives.

Happy New Year.

Happy New Year.

We go big tonight!

Easy there, buddy.

We're old people, remember?

We haven't even gone medium sized in forever.

And I cannot carry you home in this dress.

Sweetie, relax.

I got this.

Yeah, right.

I can see your whole future.

You are gonna be so hungover tomorrow.

I'm gonna be fine. Hmm.

I made a vow, remember?

Kids...

the story behind that vow

took place the morning

of Barney and Robin's wedding.

You see, after drinking way too much the night before,

this is all your Uncle Barney remembers

from the first two hours of his wedding day.

And that's it.

Now here's how the rest of us

remember those two hours.

Found him.

You know, he looks better than I thought he would.

Rise and shine.

Up and at 'em, let's do this.

There's a gas leak!

The building's on fire!

Your shoes don't match your belt!

Uh-oh.

(piano playing Wagner's "Bridal Chorus")

== sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man

Okay, I think my fiancé

peed himself a little.

Oh, tomorrow I'm gonna be able to say

my husband peed himself a little.

Don't worry.

I accidentally spilled some iced tea on him.

Oh, thank God.

: I didn't really spill

some iced tea on him.

Oh, God, this is bad.

We're doing family wedding pictures

at the lighthouse in two hours.

My father is paying for the whole thing.

He's gonna kill Barney if he doesn't show up.

Come on, your dad's tough.

But won't he understand a good old fashioned hangover?

My father's recipe

for a Bloody Mary

trades out tomato juice

for wolf's blood.

Ooh. Ooh.

Bloody Mary?

Sounds more like a Bloody Scary.

I'm gonna say it again.

Bloody Mary? Uh, hold on.

You guys are forgetting

Barney Stinson has a super power.

He can't take a bad photo.

Okay, here.

Watch.

Guys, Barney may be dead.

That's it!

You know what? We are all now seriously too old

to keep doing this to ourselves!

I vow here and now

that I shall never again get that drunk in my life!

Yeah, he'd wind up breaking that vow.

And I will not break that vow

as sure as I will always have a full head of hair!

In other elections today,

in the race for New York State Supreme Court,

Judge Brad Morris...

Mmm, just look at him.

I would love to rub that down.

Sorry.

Has increased his sizable lead

over Judge Marshall Eriksen.

It was supposed to be a victory party.

You ran a great campaign, baby.

Yeah, but it was the most stressful

three weeks of my life!

And in other results, a surprise comeback.

We are now ready to call the New York State Supreme Court race

for Judge Marshall Eriksen.

We'll go to Judge Eriksen for a live statement

in just a few minutes.

: Come again for Judge Fudge?

As your next commissioner...

State Supreme Court judge.

...of Gotham City...

The State of New York.

...I vow to make Batman work harder.

I say

shine that Bat-Signal even for small stuff.

Like, uh, shoveling snow.

Or, like, uh, if a police horse dumps out in the park.

Okay, well, that will be

all at this time, thank you.

That's all. Okay.

Mmm, good night.

Never again!

I vow it!

I am more worried about the vows I have to take

with this useless pile of garbage

a few hours from now.

What do we do?

You guys see the irony here.

The only person who could possibly get

Barney back on his feet

is Barney.

See, over the years,

we'd all come to experience

something Barney called...

Stinson's Hangover Fixer Elixir!

The most effective

post-bender, head's-too-tender ender

from here to Denver.

What's in it?

Glad you asked. Ah, I take it back.

Columbia University, 1941... I take it back, I take it back.

President Franklin Delano Roosevelt,

whom we all know is most famous for being a world-class drunk,

commissioned a top-secret scientific project--

develop an elixir to cure the common hangover.

And what brilliant scientific mind did boozy old FDR pick

to head up this historic task? Look.

My head really hurts. Let's just speed this along.

You're clearly ripping off

the story of the Manhattan Project,

which was run by Dr. Robert Oppenheimer.

So I'm gonna guess it was your distant relative...

...Barnert Stinsonheimer?

Somebody's read their history books.

The Too Many Manhattans Project

hit a few snags at first.

The first batch exploded.

Which sounded kind of like this.

Boom! Oh!

You suck.

Just let me finish.

But the second batch...

sadly also exploded.

Boom! Oh!

Why are you here right now?

Do you want to hear the story or not?

Absolutely not. Please leave.

After some trial and error,

Dr. Stinsonheimer finally found

the magic formula.

Hang on.

Funyuns?

Tantrum Soda?

Sure.

In 1941?

Sure.

They haven't made new Tantrum since then.

That stuff lasts a while.

Anyway, the elixir was such a success,

he was awarded the Bro-bel Prize.

True story.

Boom!

Wh-Wh-Why?

That time I was just messing with you.

Just give me the stupid drink.

And the craziest part was...

I-I feel better.

Over the years, each of us would discover

that Barney's elixir actually worked.

Like, way better.

What's in this thing again?

Stinson family secret.

Oh, come on, you told me most of the ingredients in your story.

Just tell me the secret one.

Ha! I'll never tell you.

I'll take it with me to my grave.

Damn it, Barney!

Why are you always so selfish?!

We are trying to help you!

Okay, we somehow have

to get this leaky barf bag

back on his feet before the wedding pictures.