The Royals

So come and get... it?

Who am I kidding?

I can't remember the first time we met.

Or the second.

Never drink anything unless you know what's in it.

I loved your magic fingers and your c-c-cunni...

Oi! Oi, oi, oi.

It says Cunninglufugus.

He's one of Snuffleupagus' friends.

- I've never heard of him. - Yeah.

Well, he doesn't come out all that often.

But trust me, he is a fan favorite.

You shouldn't even be writing your own letters.

Why do you say that?

If you were really a princess,

the Royal Scrivener would write them for you.

For your information, this is a very personal letter.

It's very important that I write it myself, okay.

Do I have a Royal Scrivener?

- You don't even know? - No.

You're so not the real princess.

Good morning, Your Majesty. Big day ahead of us.

DNA results are due this evening

but, before that, you have a lunch with...

- Yeah, go on. - Change of plan.

We need to get you back into bed immediately.

Is that never speaking of it again?

The country needs you at your best, so does the Palace.

Unless you're okay with King Cyrus taking over.

I believe he's currently in the Red State Room

knighting a prostitute.

- You can't be serious? - I thank you

for your loyal services to the crown and I...

knight thee Dame Sinnamon

of South East something, or whatever.

Actually, Your Majesty, I changed my name to Saffron.

It's the most expensive spice.

Too late, I already said Sinnamon.

Well, then, as the newest lady of the court,

how may I serve Your Majesty?

Does the great sword need a polish?

You're too late for that as well.

We have gooseberries picked fresh from the Royal Garden,

chamomile tea prepared with honey from the Royal Garden.

And chicken soup prepared with

what I can only imagine are royal chickens.

And this stuffed bear, which I believe offers

some sort of healthy encouragement.

'I hope you feel better beary soon.'

Oh, I don't watch rubbish.

What rubbish is Your Majesty referring to?

Television.

Feel better.

I'm at Your Majesty's pleasure.

Previously on Royal & Beautiful...

the Crown Prince began his new exercise regime.'

'Faster, you swine. Faster!

I can barely feel my muscles burn.

Do you want me to be fat like an American?

And stop sweating.

I will not have my footman be gross like a commoner.'

'Sorry, My Liege, but you're hurting my back.'

'His back? What about my feelings?

How could Gunther talk to me like that?

I am the Crown Prince of Liechtenstein.

He needs to bow down to the Crown.

Nobody understands what it's like

to be royal and beautiful. Nobody!'

I understand.

I miss him.

Every day.

I do too.

Where's your head?

Kind of feeling guilty.

Yours?

Happy.

Liam...

Do you know why he called me Sparrow?

Yeah, because you were his baby brother.

He said you were so small when you were born.

Like a little bird.

It's the code name Security gave me.

Robert was the heir to the throne and I was the spare.

I like Robert's version better.

I spent a lot of time in my brother's shadow

and that was okay because I loved him.

But it wasn't okay the day I met you.

Did you ever think about me?

No. You were Robert's brother.

I should go.

I don't regret what happened last night.

You shouldn't either.

So, next time I knock on your door, open it.

Don't feel guilty.

Hi.

So, what are we gonna do today?

It can be anything. In this bed or out of it.

I'd love to tick a few boxes with you,

but I have to go to work.

Is it something a royal pardon could get you out of?

No. My dad hosts a group of veterans once a week

and I like to be there for it.

- Like a support group? - No.

They just meet up and talk once a week.

It helps them cope with things.

Maybe you could come some time.

A visit from the Prince of England would mean a lot.

And I think it could mean something to you, too.

- How do you mean? - Well...

you've been through a lot, Liam.

It might help to talk about it.

Hi, Foxy.

Your little person was in my room again this morning.

Oh, sorry. I'll tell her she isn't allowed.

No, it's fine, actually. I'm teaching her things.

I'll tell her she isn't allowed.

Listen, I've figured out a way that you can repay me...

for my baby-sitting services.

I need you to be my Royal Scrivener.

See, Jasper recently wrote me the most beautiful letter.

Oh.

So, really, I need your help writing one to him.

You know the two of us better than anyone.

You've never written to him before?

Only texts.

Let me just...

Here we go.

It looks like some sort of code.

- They're emojis. - Right.

Read text to Jasper.

'Sunglasses + pistol + wine

gives Princess a pulsating heart.'

There's no emoji for Jasper, so I chose sunglasses and a pistol.

Oh, and I was drinking, of course.

It's not perfect, but you do get the point, don't you?

It's very sweet.

'I want your banana in my honey pot.'

Yes, I was gonna go with taco there, but...

- I thought it was a bit... - Please. No more.

- Will you help me? - For the sake of letter writing

and literature in general, I can't let this go on.

So, yes, I'll help you.

- Yay! Thank you. - 'Eggplant.'

Oh, dear. Sorry!

Sorry, Foxy.

Come on, people.

Quit your lollygagging and move your asses.

What's going on?

I don't know how it happened, but we just found out that

the Prince of England's coming today.

The guys are gonna lose their minds.

- Prince Liam? - Of course Prince Liam.

Do you know another Prince of England?

Let's go, everybody. Tick-tock.

Come on. We've got a prince to prepare for.

Please tell me you've got another change of clothes.

Good morning to you, too, Angie.

- What's wrong with what I'm wearing? - I don't know.

Is frumpy the new black?

At least dad has one daughter who's still trying.

Not everyone dresses like they're going to the ball.

- Or The Box. - Well, maybe they should.

It's not every day you get to meet the world's most eligible bachelor.

'Piss off!

You never understand my royal decrees. I hate you!'

'I'm not even real. How can you hate me?'

'Gunther!'

I can't believe she screamed at me like that.

'The nerve of her.

- He's terrible. - I'm the Crown...'

Oh, I think he's wonderful.

He knows what he wants and he'll do anything he can to get it.

I respect that.

Phone down.

Plenty of fluids.

Doctor's orders.

'Gunther!'

In England, we give out plaques for almost anything.

The other day, I presented a plaque for the street

that had the most cobbled stones.

But it's nice to see that, in some places, plaques aren't just for show.

This is one of those places.

Not just because it's full of great beer, though that doesn't hurt,

but because it's full of great people.

My brother recognized that a year ago when he met Captain Laurence.

Thank you for your service.

He loved the United Kingdom and he loved its people.

As I look around, I see him in each of you.

Great people doing great things.

- Thank you. - Cheers.

Wonderful speech, Your Highness.

I do hope everything is to your liking.

It certainly is.

It's good to see you again.

I believe you served me when I was here last year.

Oh, yes, of course, Your Highness.

It's so kind of you to remember.

I could never forget the Pub Princess.

Why aren't you being open about your relationship with Kathryn?

I'm next in line for the throne.