Queer as Folk

Yes.

Yeah, you like that?

Fuck that ass. Yeah.

- Oh. - Take me.

Oh, oh. Punish my white ass.

Mm, my ass takes up so much space.

It's so fucking privileged.

Let me pay reparations with my tight hole.

- Okay, this is entering "Get Out" levels of fucked up,

so I'm gonna get out.

Is it the tattoo?

The tattoo isn't great.

- Wait, I thought you needed a place to stay tonight.

I think I'm good.

Want to Venmo me for hotel, though?

Okay.

And here I thought you were an ally.

Wow.

Hey, you good bro?

Drinking and biking, not good.

Thanks, bro.

Fuck.

Don't you move.

Mother, Father.

- Honey, what are you doing here?

- I lost my keys. - Brodie. Wow.

You love a dramatic entrance. When'd you get in?

Now, basically.

- That's literally impossible because the last direct flight

from Baltimore gets in at midnight.

So unless you went through Atlanta or Shreveport...

- Sweetie, sweetie, I love you, but literally no one cares.

So can we not with the

I can take it from here, honey.

- But I want to know... - Go to bed, chop chop now.

Back to bed.

Off you go.

- I'm glad to see you and Dad are still doing well.

- Brodie, what's going on? Are you on drugs?

No, Brenda, are you on drugs?

Ambien don't count.

And what are you doing home, huh?

Don't you have tests?

- I just came home to study. You know,

I thought you'd be happy to see me.

Oh, Brodie, you're bleeding.

On my $5,000 Moroccan rug.

Right there.

- I wonder which one upsets you more.

Both.

I'm allowed to be upset with both.

So how's med school, huh?

I'm guessing not great if you're here.

- No, no, school's great. Exactly like "Grey's Anatomy."

Cut the crap, Brodie.

- Look, if I'm that much of a burden to you

I can just go stay with Ruthie.

Sorry to mess up your house.

Don't be such a drama queen.

- Says the person still holding a gun.

Oh, sorry.

I hate these fucking things.

Horrible.

Ta-da.

Praying you don't actually use this.

Thanks, big bro.

Bye-bye!

- That's it? He's just gonna leave?

- I thought you'd be used to it by now.

Yo, Ming!

Oh, my God, thank you.

What the fuck?

Babe, your cousin looks like me like two gender identities ago.

This shit isn't gonna work.

You'll be fine.

- But whatever, I failed my AP Lit exam.

So my mom's not even gonna let me go tonight.

- Ming, it's Judy we're talking about here.

Besides, you can always come with Merk and I instead.

Mm, no thanks.

I don't really need to see anyone get teen pregnant

at another shitty bonfire. Thank you, though.

- That was tenth grade. But okay, that's fine.

All right. - Okay, BRB.

Hi. I think you made a mistake.

- Mingus, you called Holden Caulfield

an incel loser who should have been canceled at birth.

- Mm-hmm. Where's the lie, though?

- I mean, you're not wrong, but it wasn't the assignment.

Please, Ms. O'Neil,

If I don't get a B or at least like a cheeky little C+,

then my mom's not gonna

let me audition for drag school tonight.

If I don't get into drag school,

then I'm gonna be forced to spend the rest of my life

matriculating with these basic-ass "yas queens."

And as a fellow member of the 2SLGBT-cutie club,

I hope I don't need to gay-splain

the importance of community to you.

- If I do this will you stop speaking Twitter at me

and leave me alone?

Maybe.

Here you go.

A plus? Oh, my God, Miss O'Neil.

- Hi. - Hola.

Hola.

- Oh, my God, baby, did you get the fake?

- Sure did. - Let me see.

It kind of looks like you.

Okay, they'll never know.

Also Jake, your cousin is hot.

- Oh, but is he hotter than me? - Ew. Jake, please.

The test? How did we do?

Oh, my... thank God,

And you didn't have to pull the queer card again?

Not even. Can you believe?

- Wow, a D+ you earned all on your own

without weaponizing your marginalization.

It's like we're back in the '90s.

- Okay, we're gonna go to Sephora on the way home.

Oh, I like Sephora.

Whoo. - Sorry. Sorry, guys.

Damn, lady!

How was school, Mama Bear?

So encouraged for today's youth.

Speaking of, how about Francis?

Ew, for our kid? No.

Ugh, there's this junior named Francis

who's got this snaggletooth,

and sometimes crackers will get stuck in her teeth

and it shoots out when she gets all excited.

It's a no for me, babe.

- Okay, well, what names do you like?

And don't get fucking crazy either.

The first names have to be white kid names

so they can get jobs.

Brodie? Hi, Daddy.

Don't call him that.

- Wait, did it happen? Did I miss it?

No, they're still cookin'.

Sure looks like they ate Paula Dean, though.

- Great. So you still have room on the couch?

Wait, why? Are you in town?

Well, I'm here for the weekend

'cause I want to spend time with you before,

you know, it's too late.

Cher's shaking their head no,

so I don't think it's a good idea.

Don't throw me under the bus.

- Well, now they're saying not to throw them under the bus.

Brodie, we love you.

And we love your hot fucking sperm.

I don't have the energy to be his therapist tonight.

He can't stay here.

Daddy's home. Hey!

Eh, eh. Hit it, hit it, hit it. Get it, get it.

Cher hates me.

No, no. Cher loves you.

It's just the hormones.

- Mm-hmm. - Yeah.

It's a lot to have a house guest right now.

- And you? You ready, Mommy Dearest?

Oh, yeah, totally.

I'm excited I get to finally be responsible

for someone else's childhood trauma.

Look, I'm... I'm not gonna pretend I'm not shit-baked.

I mean, you know my parents.

I'm just excited to give my kids

something better than I had, you know?

- Well, if there was ever someone unstable enough

to turn my seed into a fully grown delinquent,

it'd be you.

Okay, so what? Did you realize Baltimore sucks

so you came crawling back home to restart your life here?

Oh, hey, shit. I'm kidding.

You're really moving back?

I don't know.

But I don't want to talk about it right now.

Have you seen Noah yet?

You think I should call him?

- I think you should clean up your last mess

before you start a new one.

Damn.

You know, I miss being dragged by you.

- Mm. Here to drag you anytime, baby.

But you still can't stay here.

- I take it back. You're toxic.

- Hey, you can be trans and toxic.

It's called intersectionality, bitch.

Intersectionality this.

Yeah, fuck you. Bye.

Bye. I love you.

- Hello? - Don't stop.

Hey, Daddy. You busy?

Never. How's my baby girl?

- Keep fucking me. - I'm okay.

I'm back in the Marigny

and I'm thinking about crashing with Noah.

What?

Tell me it's a bad idea.