Familiar Strangers

MAN (over microphone): A longtime

D-ball tradition returns

as the Millers defend their title

against the Worthingtons.

How you doing? You ready?

Yeah.

This is donkey ball, or D-ball

for those in the know.

It's kind of like basketball, except for...

well, the whole donkey thing.

My family's real good at D-ball.

It's important for families to have something.

All right!

Even if it's just donkey ball.

And even if it just happens once a year--

the day after Thanksgiving.

What a pass by Frank to Kenny.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

We're not even at Thanksgiving yet.

I left home three years ago,

and I didn't exactly have my father's blessing.

All my father knows is his son ditched him

and the family business.

I left to find my own way

and ended up writing a book few people care about.

But I don't mind.

I made something.

I feel like a little kid coming home

with a finger painting to show my mom.

She'd put it on the fridge until my dad took it down.

And that would be that.

Where's Dad?

What? I'm not good enough?

What, did you just wake up?

Yeah, I did.

You're late. - I know.

Welcome home, bro.

Good to see you.

(engine starts, rap music plays)

# And I'm collecting on the rent #

# Daddy's home #

# But you don't expect a small school tale. Huh? #

# And I'm collecting on the rent... #

# Are you done with that image yet, rent's due... #

So where's Dad?

His old dog had another stroke,

and he didn't want to leave him alone.

It's funny. He's got more tumors than brains,

but he just keeps getting up and around.

I'm only hearing about this now because?

Probably afraid you'd bail.

I mean, it's been four years after all. - Three.

Three years. - Whatever.

Well...

my masterpiece.

Hmm.

Think I'll wait for the movie.

# #

So I have this idea. Do you want to hear it?

Not really. - Yeah, you do.

Okay, so we should do a lottery.

We should draw names

to see who we're going to spend Thanksgiving with.

Maybe even take preferences, like smoking or non.

I mean, no grudges, no history, no baggage.

Just food, football, and good, old-fashioned false camaraderie.

We had a good ride as...

as kids?

Would you say that...

we had a happy childhood?

Brian Worthington, are you in therapy?

We're not leaving until you put it on and buckle it.

Mom, it's a Volvo.

I can wait. I've got all day.

I am so humiliated.

What you are is safe.

This is just a wild guess,

but I think you might have left the lights on.

Okay.

Frito-Lay it is.

Going in the big truck.

Oh.

I thought this would be a nice one to start with.

Oh.

Oh. You've been married for 30...?

34 this year.

Oh.

Where's Grandpa?

He's in his workshop, honey, making some contraption.

Disappeared as soon as the photos came out.

Grandpa?

Hey, you.

Did you ever hear of knocking?

It's a barn, Grandpa.

Yeah. Well, I guess you were born in a barn.

Go close the door.

What's that for?

It's Grandpa's little helper.

Hey, get out of here.

Go watch TV, huh?

Out of here.

I got you.

# #

I got to stop and take a piss.

We're almost home.

Mom's gonna do that whole thing

by the door, and I can't hold it.

# Give me that back, huh? Yeah... #

Damn. It's the Worthington boys.

What's up, man?

How you doing? - I'm gonna hit the can.

Go ahead. - Hey, Walker.

Four years, ain't it?

Uh... three years.

Well, I ain't the sharpest

saw on the rack, but I make it four.

You boys are ready for some serious D-Ball?

Yeah. - Yeah?

Yeah. We could play you guys.

Hey, big-time author now, huh?

Geek books.

What, there are, like, midgets in them?

God, I miss this place.

Take it easy.

Take it easy.

What's this?

Oh, honey.

Let me just keep one of them. You look

so pretty in it.

There.

Well, now you've ripped your arm off.

Is this...?

Oh, here they are! - Mom.

Hey, Ma. - Hi.

Oh, my gracious.

Oh, my goodness, is it you?

Yes.

Oh, look at your hair. It's... Mmm!

You look so handsome.

Look at you. Oh, my goodness.

Whatever. - Okay, what can I do for you?

Nothing. - You-You want me to stack?

No. - Let me have your bag.

No, I got it. - Why don't you leave it here, honey?

'Cause you're gonna take it right upstairs.

I have something I want to keep there, and so...

Okay. All right. Straight ahead.

What's up, sis?

Oh. Who is your friend?

Hitchhiker.

Come on. It hasn't been that long.

Sit down, honey.

Ta-da!

Nice... cover.

Oh, my God.

What is this?

It's the dreaded family photo album.

A disturbing documentary years in the making.

Here you are.

I can't believe what a dork I was.

Uh-oh.

Revenge of the conehead.

Hey! - Oh! - Oh!

Buddy. - Oh, my little...

I thought you said the skin problem cleared up, Mom.

Well, Dr. Morrow said we could take it off at our discretion.

Doing a little revisionist history, Erin?

Yes, sweetheart. Do you want to come in

and say hi to your uncles?

Guess that would make you the mom.

Well, you did marry a dog.

Excuse me?

What?

I got to get going.

I should get Maddy. I...

No, no, no, no, no. I just got here. What?

It's fine. I need to get going. - What happened?

I didn't do anything. No. It's fine.

Oh, honey, don't.

Thank you for the book, Brian.

Hey.

We're going.

See you at dinner.

Autographed copy.

Is this mine?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, honey, I didn't get you anything.

Adventures in the Electromagnetic...