Freaky Tales

No joke.

- Like I said, wild. -

But I never thought too hard on it though.

To me, it was just one of those freaky things

that made the Bay so damn fresh.

Hi, I'm Sleepy Floyd.

Join me this weekend at the Oakland Coliseum Annex

for Sleepy's Mind Wide Awake Seminar,

sponsored by Psytopics Learning Center.

At my workshop, we'll teach you how to practice

mindfulness and relaxation under stressful circumstances.

Licensed Psytopics instructors will give you the tools

to connect to the cosmic life force

and give you the power to battle both inner and outer demons.

Trust me, you won't wanna miss Sunday.

So join me this weekend, all ages are welcome.

Sleepy's Mind Wide Awake Seminar...

- ...will blow your mind! -

["Freaky Tales" by Too $hort plays]

Chapter one...

- AKA, The Gilman Strikes Back. -

- -

- -

- -

Yo, that movie was hella rad.

So grandpa knew about the vampires the whole time,

but didn't bother to tell anyone in his family?

Well, that's why it's fresh. You don't expect it.

All I'm saying, if you motherfuckers knew about some secret vampire shit

going off in the neighborhood and you didn't let me know,

we might have a problem.

Tina. I hate to break it to you,

but if there's a secret cult of vampires living amongst us--

We would be all up in that shit. Give me that.

- - Fair point.

- Eat a dick, dyke! - Get out the truck

and see what happens! I ain't playing!

- Suck my dick, Black bitch! - Yeah, that's what I thought.

Keep driving!

- Bitch! - Fuck you want, faggots?

- Fuck you! -

Go back to Fresno, boneheads!

We'll see you punks later!

- Fucking Nazis. -

- Let's go. -

Dude, you know I'm from Fresno.

Yeah, I've been trying to forget that.

So I was tailing this dude outta Lucky's yesterday.

Tailed? Like you followed some random guy?

Okay, you never followed anyone before?

Hell, no, that's some psycho shit.

- -

You ever tailed anybody, Luce?

Uh... No.

- Whatever. - Okay.

Stop looking at me like I'm weird.

First time at Gilman?

No, I was here once. Wanna see my membership?

- -

- No. - No way.

Psych.

- Dude, are you alright? - Are you okay?

- -

- -

- -

- Let's go! -

- - Hey, Troy!

- Yeah, meet me in the truck. - Alright.

- -

Yeah, Dad?

Did you know the guy from Splash

used to sell hot dogs at A's Games?

I don't eat meat.

I mean, I-I'm not trying to--

I'm saying, the guy from Splash.

- Did you see the movie? - The mermaid movie?

- Yeah. - Didn't see it.

Uh, what about Bachelor Party?

Do I look like somebody

who would see Bachelor Party?

First naked lady I ever saw was in that movie.

Your first? Right.

'Cause you've seen so many since.

I've seen a few!

- Oh, shit. -

Fucking boneheads are back.

- Those Nazi fucks just rolled up. - Outside.

Fuck, again?

Come on, guys. Not tonight.

- Fuck you, Jew! Get the fuck-- - Here to volunteer.

And fuck you up!

- -

- - Shit, man. That's enough!

Stop! Stop! Stop!

- - Lucid!

- - Hey!

- -

- Dude! - Yeah, tough guy?

- - Fucking bonehead!

Hail Hitler!

Lay the fuck off, man.

- - You okay?

- Yeah. You okay? - Yeah.

- -

- Fuck you! Show's over, losers! - Losers!

- Bye! - Pussy!

- Later, punk faggots. -

- -

Oh, it's cold.

It's supposed to be.

- -

- Does that hurt? - No.

Okay, tough guy.

I didn't mean it like that.

Can I ask you a question?

- No. - Shut up.

You ever have a dream then realize you're dreaming?

- Nah. - I had one last night.

I was by myself in my room.

- Everybody was gone. -

It was quiet.

That's how I knew I was dreaming.

- - My house is never quiet.

So, I started dancing.

I was eating, I forget what,

- Pop-Tarts or some shit. -

But then I was like,

"What am I staying in the house for?"

The whole world was mine.

So I ran outside,

I started flying and shit.

It was so rad.

What would you do?

In a dream?

Yeah, it's all in your head.

You can do anything you want, no consequences.