Seinfeld

If you borrow my blender, you should return it.

Oh, what's the difference?

Come on, we're like Cain and Abel.

Yeah, you know, Cain slew Abel.

No, he didn't. They were in business together.

Dry wall or something.

Oh, no.

All right, then what was it?

Well, I think Abel worked hard all summer

harvesting his crops,

while Cain just played in the field.

Then when winter came, Abel had all the nuts.

Cain had no nuts, so he killed him.

The way I remember it,

Cain, he was a successful doctor.

But when he took this special formula,

he became Mr. Abel.

You broke my blender, didn't you?

Yeah. Well, I was trying to make gravel and it just--

Just didn't work out.

Oh, I knew it.

Why were you making gravel?

Well, I like the sound it makes when you walk on it.

Ah, this...looks familiar.

Of course, it's garbage.

No, no, no, no. These brown things.

The chairs.

Jerry,

this is the set from the old Merv Griffin Show.

: They must be throwing it out.

This stuff belongs in the Smithsonian.

Or at least in the dumpster behind the Smithsonian.

: Boy, one minute Elliott Gould is sitting on you

: and the next thing you're yesterday's trash.

Come on, Kramer, get out of there.

Oh, no, no, you go ahead. I'm not finished taking this in.

: Oh.

Jerry, look.

Merv Griffin's cigar.

Oh.

You know, I, uh,

spilled a yogurt smoothie in here two days ago.

Can't smell anything, can you?

Banana?

Right.

George, watch out for those pigeons.

They'll get outta the way. Really smell banana?

Oh, my God!

So, uh...

...where we eating?

...and it was his idea

to put a sprig of parsley on the plate.

: Making this up.

There was never a Joseph Garnish.

Wow.

Oh, yeah. The toys.

Where did you get all these?

My dad was a collector.

I inherited them

after he died from a long painful bout with--

Super-Ball.

Hey, an original G.I. Joe...

...with the full frogman suit.

Jerry, what are you doing?

I'm putting this on him

and we're going to the sink.

: No, Jerry.

They're priceless.

They've never been played with.

I just wanna touch them a little.

I said no.

Now, come here.

Hi.

I'm Lou Filerman. I'm new here.

Hey, Walter.

What is the deal with that guy?

Uh, he's Lou Filerman. He's new here.

Hey, your coffee stain looks like Fidel Castro.

You've been an enormous help.

You ran over some pigeons?

How many?

Whatever they had.

Miranda thinks I'm a butcher.

: But it's not my fault, is it?

Don't we have a deal with the pigeons?

Of course we have a deal.

They get out of the way of our cars,

we look the other way on the statue defecation.

Right, and these pigeons broke the deal.

I will not accept the blame for this!

So Miranda's cooled on you?

I'm getting nothing.

Yeah, me neither.

I thought you were sleeping together.

Oh, the sex is wild. But she's got this

incredible toy collection and she won't let me near it.

I don't understand women.

Here comes one.

Hey. What's going on?

Hey. Art Garfunkel?

No, Castro.

Right.

All because of this creepy new guy at work.

He just-- He just comes out of nowhere

and he's right next to you.

So he just sidles up?

That's right.

He's a real sidler.

Maybe you didn't see him.

W-- You never see him.

He sidled me again in my office.

I was sitting there making Cup-a-Soups

singing that song from The Lion King.

"Hakuna Matata"?

I thought I was alone.

That doesn't make it right.

See, to me the Hakuna Matata is not nearly as embarrassing

as the Cup-a-Soup.

Would you just...

...let it go?

Hey, Jerry. Come here a sec.

Hey.

Oh, my God.

It's the Merv Griffin set.

How did you get this in here?

Oh, you just bring it in sideways and...

...hook it.

So where are you gonna sleep?

Yeah, backstage.

Hm...

...this chair smells like garbage.

Oh, well a lot of the stars from the '70s,

they were not as hygienic as they appeared on TV.

: Now, you take Mannix, for example.

I'm gonna get that.

All right, well, Jerry,

we'd love to have you back any time.

Well, Elaine Benes.

Well, it's great to have you.

Boy, is it possible that you're even more beautiful

than the last time I saw you?

We had a deal!

Mr. Peterman, here are these pages that you w--

One moment.

I'm reading the most fascinating article

on the most fascinating people of the year.

And...

...done.

Oh, yes. I'm sorry I needed this so quickly.

It must have been an awful lot of work.

Thank you very much, you two.

What?

So three dates and she still won't let me play with the toys.

Hm, that's interesting.

You know, someone mentioned,

you were not very happy with your toys, growing up.

Yeah, that was me.

That's right. Right, right.

And, uh, you mentioned that, uh, you didn't get a G.I. Joe.

You had--

An Army Pete.

Right.

He was made of wood and in the rain he would swell up

and then split.

Ooh, and we all know how painful that can be.

Jerry?

Oh, there you are.

Elaine Benes.

Well, this is quite a thrill.

Yes, come--

Yes, sit down. Yeah.

Well, I'll tell you, this sidler guy

is really chapping my hide.

Now--

Excuse me?

: Yeah, we're... talking this way.

Well, he's getting credit for work that I did.

He's gonna sidle me right out of a job.

Uh, now, for those of us who don't know,

uh, sidling is what?

Kramer, what is wrong with you?

What do you mean?

Well, for starters, you're looking at note cards.

I'm gonna give that guy a taste of his own medicine.

So I am going to sidle the sidler.

You sidle?

Y-You stomp around like a Clydesdale.

Not with these honeys.

: Wrestling shoes.

Only in New York.

Jerry?

Oh...

[UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

...hey!

Well, ladies and gentlemen,