The Kominsky Method

Norman!

Why didn't you tell me you're doing this?

Saw no reason to bother you.

How can it be a bother? I... I'm your friend.

I'm sorry. The next time my wife dies

and I donate her clothes to charity, I'll be sure to give you a heads-up.

That's all I'm asking.

Just need a signature.

Okay.

May I say that you and your colleagues have more than lived up to your name?

What?

Goodwill. It was palpable.

- Ready? - Yeah.

What do you know about opium?

Tried it a few times in the '60s, it's not my thing.

Why?

- I'm thinking of becoming an addict. - Oh, really?

Yeah. Like Dickens or Keats.

Oh, you mean a writer?

No, no, just an addict.

No needles, that's more jazz musician.

Good to have goals.

I'm looking for a way to manifest my existential despair.

No offense, uh, but you're already pretty gloomy.

I think I can do better.

Must've been hard giving her stuff away.

It's harder to keep it.

It's... It's only been a few months. You just gotta hang in there.

"Hang in there." That's funny.

When I wake up in the morning,

I'm not sure if I'm relieved or disappointed.

Do you find yourself losing words more frequently?

Losing them, how?

Yeah, you're talking to someone

and you need a word to finish your thought,

a simple word, nothing out of the ordinary,

and it's... it's... it's missing.

It's just gone.

Oh, yeah, yeah. All the time.

Does it concern you?

So, if it's not in the script,

it's up to you to figure out what your character was doing

before the scene began.

Were you, uh, working?

Were you eating?

Maybe you weren't doing anything at all. You know, you were just, um...

Uh... You know, you... um...

Masturbating.

- No. - Trying not to cry.

- No, um... - Bringing shame upon your family?

- Shoplifting at Sephora? - No.

- No. - Cutting yourself?

Jesus, no!

Get help.

Why... not masturbating?

Procrastinating!

- What? - That was the word I couldn't remember.

- So it happens to you? - Oh, yeah, yeah.

More than I like to admit.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

It's impossible not to.

I think I fear that worse than cancer, even, um...

Oh, shit, what's his name? Um...

What's whose name?

You know the guy.

- What guy? - Guy with the... the thing.

- What thing? - The thing they use to...

you know, to harvest the crops, um...

- A tractor? - No.

Mexican people?

You know, this is, like, the fourth funeral I've been to this month.

At our age, it's called having a social life.

Walter Winchell?

Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. America, and all the ships at sea.

Let's go to press.

Nobody ever checks these things.

At Margie Gerber's funeral, I signed in as Margie Gerber.

The Grim Reaper.

- What? - It's a scythe, for the crops.

- Keep your voice down. - Jesus, that was bothering me.

And now it's bothering everybody here.

Sorry.

Shall we?

Bye, Davey. We're gonna miss you.

Every time one of my friends passes away, I feel like I won a contest, like,

- "Ha ha, I lived longer, I beat you." - That's horrible.

Oh, yeah, like you don't feel the same way.

I do, but I don't say it in front of the guy.

He was worth eight figures.

That's a lot of dough to leave on the table.

Ideally, you want to spend your last nickel

just before you drop dead.

Then, ideally, I should have died about three weeks ago.

He actually looks pretty good.

Is that a spray tan?

Could be.

I heard with Paulie Doogan,

they put the poor bastard's body in a tanning bed.

Came out looking like a piece of bacon.

Well, we should probably give our condolences to his wife.

Which one?

I'll take the mother of his children, you take the... What do you call it?

- Trophy. - Trophy!

That's a good deal. I'll meet you at the cold cuts.

- Got it. - Norman?

Madelyn?

Oh!

Good, you remembered!

God, I don't believe it. Look at you. You're more beautiful than ever.

Oh, sh!

Madelyn, this is my friend Sandy.

- Hello, how are you? - Hello.

Madelyn and I dated when, uh, what's-his-name was...

Uh...

Lyndon Johnson.

- Jesus, that's like 50... - Oh, please, no need to...

Sorry. It was before Eileen.

- Yeah, before Eileen. - Yeah.

We were hot and heavy for a bit.

It's a wonder that neither of us got hurt.

What are you talking about?

I was constantly pulling one muscle or another!

Excuse me. Would you mind taking this away from my husband?

- Oh! Sorry. Sorry. - Oh.

So, uh... what are you doing now? Where are you living?

Well, for the last few years, I've been living in Santa Barbara, but...

- Uh, my condolences. - Thank you.

Davey, he was one of the good guys.

Yeah, he was.

Boy, did he love you.

Yeah, I did see that.

A funny story, when you two started dating,

he was constantly sending me pictures of you sunbathing by the pool.

Why is that funny?

Well, it's not so much funny as it's insightful.

To show that he was... He was proud of you.

Hm.

Okay.

I deleted them.

Most of them.

And best of all, her husband died four years ago.

That's just terrific.

Long illness, took a lot out of her,

but she seems to be on top of it now.

- Okay. Mm. - You know she speaks three languages?

- Whoa. - And has a degree in chemistry?

Wow.

- Chemistry! - I said "Wow."

Extraordinary woman.

Maybe she can whip you up some opium.

What?

For your existential despair.

Ah.

No sense of irony, okay.

We exchanged numbers, said we'd get together.

That's wonderful. I'm happy for you.

Boy, oh, boy, what a great funeral.

I am gonna talk to him.

I just... I haven't found the right time yet.

No, I'm not embarrassed. Are you?

- Oh, hey, Sandy! - Hey...

Theresa.

I know your name, Theresa.

Oh, uh, this is my boyfriend, Marcus.

- Hey. - Hey.

- You living in there? - Yeah.

Okay, I'll see you later.

- See you. - Bye.

Why not get a little apartment?

Oh, it's too expensive. This way, I can save money for acting classes.

Well, what about Marcus? Does he have a job?

No, he's a bass player.

Love you too.

- I'll see you in there. - You bet, Theresa.

Did you know she's living in a van?

Yeah. About a year now.

Doesn't that bother you?

Well... a lot of the students...

rough it until they land a job, you know that.

"Hard times builds character, character builds talent."

Who said that?

You did.

It's in your book.

I have no memory of writing that.

So, a young girl living in a van

with a 90-pound googly-eyed bass player.

Guy looks like he's got rickets.

So buy him some fruit.

Don't you get it?

I'm making my living selling these kids on a dream

which, in all likelihood, will not come true.

Dad, you're teaching them to act.

Their dreams are their own.

Nobody dreams of living in a Ford Econoline.

Well, even if they don't make it, acting skills are useful all through life.

Yeah, they could all become Civil War reenactors.

Because Sandy Kominsky taught them how to die.

I'm gonna say something after class.

- Yeah, you do that. So, listen... - They need to know the harsh reality.

- Yeah, they sure do. - Better to hear it