The Dancing Masters

Oh, yes, madam. Yes, we teach every possible form of dancing.

Ballroom, tap, ballet, rhythmic, hula and jitter.

That's it, girls. That's it.

Remember, gracefulness is everything.

Now... "London Bridge."

Isn't he light?

In the head.

Wonderful. What's it called?

That is called the "Dance of the Pelican"...

my own original creation.

Now, girls, we'll try some bar exercises. Right over here.

Let's have it right this time.

Now you've just got to follow me and do exactly as I do.

Now you put your right foot up on the top, like that.

Now. One, two. One, two.

Now the other foot.

Hey, Trudy, come and get me.

- What's the matter? - I think I'm stuck.

Hey, girls, come and help.

- Wait. You'd better get Ollie. - All right.

Yeah, he'll get me off.

Make it snappy.

Oliver...

Stanley's stuck to the wall. - What, again?

All right, girls, relax. I'll be right back.

You're always sticking your foot into something.

- What's the matter now? - I think I've got Charlie's horse.

- Get me out of here, will you? - All right, girls, stand back.

Now, one, two, three.

I'm sorry, Ollie, I couldn't help it. You see, it was...

- Class dismissed. - Oh, goody!

Listen, boys, we gotta get a new set up.

The FBI closed down all rackets, and the snatch now gets you throat trouble.

I've got a new angle. What do you think of that?

Never should've told he looks like Eddie Robinson.

From now on, we're strictly on the legit. We got a new front.

- We're gonna sell insurance. - What do we know about insurance?

You used to sell protection, didn't you?

What is insurance but a form of protection, see?

You gonna sell insurance the way you used to sell protection.

When the chump won't kick in, give him the muscle the way you used to.

If there's any belch, the guys at headquarters will take care of things.

This is no two-bit racket.

We'll divide up the towns in the state. And you'll work the towns in pairs.

I got these wholesale.

One of you will act as the salesman, the convincer. The other will use this.

He's the croaker, makes examinations and certifies the chump...

as being a sound insurance risk. Any questions?

Mickey, you draw Chambersburg. You can take Jasper along as your croaker.

Croaker?

I'll show you how to use it later.

And you, Hymie the Goat, you're going to Danville.

Don't forget to tell them you'll collect the payments each month in person.

You make me sick.

Well, we've all go to live and learn.

- Yes, but you just live. - Well, I can't help it.

Come in.

- Hello, boys. - Hello, Trudy.

I just thought I'd drop in and pay my tuition in advance for three months.

- Swell. - I don't know what we'd do without you.

You know, you're practically keeping the school open.

The other students are putting us on the cuff.

- Oh, why, that's terrible. - This morning we got a nasty letter...

from the landlord and a very ugly letter from the furniture man.

Look, I'll show you.

By the way, have you seen Grant lately?

I'll see him later. Mother's waiting below, we're going out to the plant.

- Give him our best. - Oh, I will.

You know, Grant did a great turn for us once.

- A friend in need... - Is a friend in need.

- Indeed. Goodbye, boys. - Goodbye, Trudy.

Goodbye.

Friend in...

I'll put this in the safe.

- What's the combination to this thing? - Two turns to the left.

One, two. What do you mean, two turns to the left?

Hold this a minute.

One...

two.

- Two turns to the left. - It'll be safer here.

One...

two.

See, one good turn deserves another.

One good turn deserves another.

He's always picking on me.

- Good afternoon, gentlemen. - We'd like to see the boss.

Which one? They're both very busy. Mr. Hardy has an afternoon class in hula.

Look, we don't feel like being argued with.

Mr. Hardy can let the hula dancers wait around and twiddle their tums.

Shut up. Get him.

- Well, really, l... - I said, get him.

You gotta be firm with these tomatoes.

But they insist on seeing both you and Mr. Laurel at once.

- Not income tax? - No, I don't think so.

- We haven't got time, we're busy. - Mr. Hardy, you'd better see them.

They're... Well, they don't take no for an answer.

In fact, they intimidated me.

They did?

Well, you throw them out and if you have any trouble, send for me.

- All right. - The idea intimidating you.

- Can't tell us... - I'll never stand...

- Did you wish to see me? - I'm Mr. Halligon.

Here's my associate, Dr. Jasper.

I'm Mr. Hardy and my partner, Mr. Laurel.

- How do you do? - How do you do?

- How's everything? - Everything is fine.

- Well... - Oh!

This is a pretty nice layout you got here.

- I'm glad you approve of it. - Doing a tremendous business.

Oh, yes, indeed.

- You're just the people we like to meet. - Oh, yes.

- People are turning us away. - They certainly...

Uh, my card.

"The Last Mile Insurance Company."

I'm sorry but we do not need any insurance.

- Oh, yes, you do. - Oh, no, we don't.

You do and you gonna have it, understand?

We do not. N-O "ot." Not.

You got a nice joint, you wouldn't want anything to happen to it, would you?

Why not? I mean why would we?

If you don't take insurance and have protection, accidents might happen.

- That's right. The joint might burn down.

Gee, that'd be awful.

Suppose there was an explosion, your partner broke an arm or a leg.

- You get paid for things like that? - Plenty.

Oh, well, if you get money for it, it's okay with me.

I don't want it to burn down, we wouldn't have money to pay.

Could I speak to you privately just a moment?

How much does he get if he breaks an arm?

- Five thousand dollars. - And a leg?

Ten Thousand. And if he loses an eye, that's $25,000.

What did he say?

If you break an arm you get $5000...

a leg, $ 10,000. - That's a lot of money.

It certainly... Will you sit down a moment.

We're talking privately.

Now, in the event that he breaks his neck...

Well, that makes you the beneficiary for the full amount, $ 100,000.

A hundred thousand dollars?

- It's a deal. - Okay, doc, do your stuff.

Give us your pulse, sister.

- Perfect, ticking like a clock. - It's not a clock, it's a watch.

You're cute. Now for the old pump.

Excuse me.

Perfect. Cross your legs.

Perfect. A perfect specimen if I ever saw one.

- Professor, if you'll just sign right here. - Yes, sir.

That'll be $ 100, the first premium on the policy.

All right, sir. I have it right here.

- There you are. - Thank you.

That makes it legal.

We'll be back on the third of next month and that dough had better be ready.

- Or else. - All right, sir, I'll have it for you.

- Goodbye. - So long.

- What a soft touch, huh? - Perfect. Like taking candy from a baby.

Come on, your gang's waiting at headquarters.

- Hey, what is this? - Come on. You'll find out.

- Go on. - We're in a legitimate racket.

Cross your legs.

Get up. Get up.

Hit my knee.

Harder.

- Good day, Mrs. Harlan. - How do you do, John?

- Miss Trudy? - Hello.

Grant.

You all look alike with those things on.

You didn't recognize the great Lawrence personality?

- How's your invention? - Swell, Trudy.

The invisible ray is almost finished.

It'll burn everything it hits. A new weapon that will revolutionize warfare.

- Why, that's marvelous. - What are you doing at the plant?

We're picking up Father. He and Mother are leaving for Washington.

I thought you might be interested in the fact that I'll be alone tonight.

You mean without that George Worthing around?

Now, Grant, I'll tell you what to do.

You pick up Stanley and Oliver and we'll have a party.

- Okay. - Be there at 8 sharp.

- The folks will be gone by then. - Swell.

Oh, here comes your father and George Worthing. Duck, quick.

I'll see you later.

Our trip to Washington's very important, George.

What happens if Washington approves our merger?

Well, you automatically become vice president...

and, I hope, my son-in-law.

Now here's an example, this obsolete boiler, which...

Why, you clumsy fool.

Can't you watch what it... You.

- I might have suspected it. - I think he did it on purpose.

- I assure you... I have an excuse for firing you.

- Oh, Mr. Harlan, l... - Get out of here.

Come along, Worthing.

Wasn't that nice of her to leave the door open for us?

- Yeah. - Well, we're right on time.

- Oh, Trudy, we're here. - What was that?

It must be the radio, Mother. I'll go down and turn it off.

Did you get the potato salad?

Yeah, and I got this succotash and the "bolami."

- I think it's in that bag... - Bolami.

- Hi, Trudy. - Shh. The folks haven't left yet.

Come back later.