The Mindy Project

- When you're in a serious relationship,

there's all different kinds of sex.

There's the romantic, lovemaking kind

where two soul mates take care of each other's needs.

There's the passionate,

can't-keep-you-hands- off-each other kind...

And then there's this new kind I'm finding out about,

which feels a lot like procreation.

- Oh, Nellie. - Oh, Nellie.

- Oh, Nellie. - Oh, Nellie.

Whoo.

- Okay, so, I'm gonna go watch some Bill O'Reilly.

No, no, no, no.

Let's just look at each other in the eyes.

- Look each other in the eyes? - Yeah.

- 'Kay, Jeffrey Dahmer. I don't think so.

No, no, no, no.

I'm really comfortable right now.

- 'Kay. - Okay.

Our Father Who art in heaven, hallowed be...

- Hey, wait, wait, wait. Are you praying?

What?

- Are you, like, praying to God that I get pregnant right now?

- Are you, like, praying to God that I get pregnant right now?

- Can't a guy pray inside of his own girlfriend?

- Okay, come on. Just slide out, slide out.

- Why would I do that, and if I did, I mean,

would that be the worst thing in the world?

- Kind of. - Why?

- Well, my fertility practice is just now starting to succeed.

- Well, there's no perfect time, man.

I mean, Leo didn't come at a perfect time,

and now he's our fantastic little diaper dude.

- Exactly, so maybe Leo's enough.

Look, I'm not saying

we should start trying necessarily,

but if it happens, it happens.

But if it happens, it happens.

- That's the same as trying. - It is?

I'm extremely fertile, Danny.

It's not like India has an underpopulation problem.

- We used to have unprotected sex,

like, all the time before Leo.

- Yeah, I know, because I can never remember

to take my birth control, and you said that condoms

- made your penis feel... - Sweaty.

- Yeah. - That's not a real thing.

It's a real thing for me.

Look, we're not trying and we're not not trying, okay?

- We are not trying to have a baby.

- Right. - Right.

Business as usual.

- Nah, I don't know. - Let's go again.

- Nah, I don't know. - Let's go again.

- Oh, no, it's all right. - You're not in the mood?

- You could, like, go down on me?

Ah, I'm too tired.

Dr. L, breakfast!

Ah! God.

- I am so sorry. - What the hell, Morgan?

- I'm gonna say one thing though, okay?

The Dr. L that I used to know would catch that muffin

in her teeth blindfolded.

- Yeah, that's true. - What's going on?

'Kay, between the two of us,

I think that Danny's trying to get me pregnant again.

- No! No, no, no! The business, okay?

I have finally saved up enough money

to move out of grandmother's basement,

not that I want to. - I'm sorry, Morgan,

not that I want to. - I'm sorry, Morgan,

but it's just not that simple.

No, it is that simple, okay?

You just say, "I don't want to have another baby."

Off the record, no one likes Leo anyways.

- I don't like when you say things like that.

He can't even talk!

- Yeah, he's a little baby. He's not gonna talk for a while.

- When I seven, I was speaking full sentences.

- I cannot get into another big fight with Danny

before the wedding.

I just wanna wait till we're married

and then I will bring this up.

You know, after I bring up the fact

that his mother needs to go into a home.

- If you're not gonna tell him, you got to go on birth control.

Morgan, that's so sneaky.

- I can give him a vasectomy while he's asleep.

He literally would not know.

He literally would not know.

How would that even work?

- Well by we, I mean me and cousin Lou.

You would text me, say, "He's asleep,"

we'd come in, snip-snip, bandage up.

He's in intense pain for, like, three weeks.

He'll never know.

Get out.

Think about what I said.

Oh, God!

- I thought you would have caught that one.

I thought after the first one, you'd be expecting it.

- Everything looks perfect, Diana.

Your baby girl is as healthy, and dare I say,

as hot as can be.

- And don't worry, you know, the baby doesn't come out

- And don't worry, you know, the baby doesn't come out

in black and white,

which is my favorite cookie, hint hint.

Well, thank you so much.

I'm just really excited to be a mom.

Not as excited as us.

You are the first woman to give birth

with the help of my fertility clinic.

I'm not a fraud!

- We'll never forget you, patient zero.

- Okay, I've asked you not to call me that.

- Please don't forget to bring a camera

so we can get a shot of the little guy

and put him on our Wall O' Fame!

It's a play on "Wall of Fame."

- Thanks so much, Dr. L, for everything.

- Thanks so much, Dr. L, for everything.

- Of course! We're really excited.

- Yeah. Get out of here.

- Bye, Diana. - Bye!

Bye.

- Morgan, why did you pick the biggest wall

for the Wall of Fame?

Wall O' Fame.

- It's gonna take forever to fill this up with photos.

- We're gonna have plenty of babies up on that wall,

and in the mean time, why don't we put up

a little baby picture of yours truly.

- Oh, God! - That's the cutest one.

That can not go on the wall.

Okay, that's a little rude.

Oh, God.

- Hey, babe. Can I ask you something?

Ah, great.

Ah, great.

Mindy wears a man's coat, no one cares.

I come in wearing a smart, fuchsia trench

from Anthropologie and my chaphood is questioned.

What are you talking about?

- We're wearing each other's lab coats again.

- Mm. - We wear the same size.

No we don't.

You wear a men's medium. I wear a women's wide.

- That's the same thing, babe. Come on.

Can you just give me my coat?

- You guys really are perfect for each other.

Just like me and, um...

Oh, God.

Okay.

- How would you feel about going wedding cake tasting with me?

- How would you feel about going wedding cake tasting with me?

I can't go by myself.

The baker says I have to bring my fiancé.

Apparently, I've eaten so many samples,

I'm putting them out of business.

I... - I can check my calendar.

I do have a Knights of Columbus meeting this week

and I'm the only one young enough

to set up the tables.

Hey, what are you doing tonight?

- I'm not going to that blood drive with you.

They won't take my blood anyway!

They say it's quote, "too greasy."

- No, that's not what I'm talking about.

I would like to take you on a real date tonight.

- Really? - Yeah.

I mean, we haven't had a lot of...

me and you time lately, right?

- A date on a weeknight? Okay.

- A date on a weeknight? Okay.

Wait, this isn't a way for you to use a coupon, is it?

I would rather die. - No, Min, come on.

What do you say? I know we'll miss Leo,

but it'd be nice to have a night out

without the little rug muncher.

- That's not what you think it is,

but yeah, I'm in. - Great.

I'll make a reservation. - Okay.

- Okay. I'm excited.

Hey, how much candy do you eat?

- Danny this was such a romantic night.

I love it.

I love it.

We had champagne. We had sparkling wine.

We had Prosec... Damn, we drank a lot.

- We did. - I think I'm kinda hammered.

- Hey, look, if anyone deserves a night off, it's you, babe.

I mean, two jobs, a kid, and on top of it all,

you got to deal with a bum like me

who doesn't always appreciate you.

Look, tonight, I wanna focus on you.

- That's my favorite thing to focus on.

I missed that.

This blanket's kinda big.

I'm a little drunk.