Z Nation

Previously on Z Nation.

Made it myself. I call it the Z Whacker.

Well slap my ass and call me Sally.

If it ain't Sketchy McClain.

She's not Cassandra.

Not anymore.

That didn't sound good.

Where's Cassandra?

I mercied her.

I gave her life.

And you had no right to take that away.

Hello, fellows.

A healthy grill is a healthy man.

From the air we breathe to the kisses we impart,

it is our buccal cavity that separates us from the plants.

It is incumbent upon us, therefore,

to service its gatekeepers.

Gentlemen, good day.

My name is Rollie. This is my colleague Cornelius.

Gentlemen, when was the last time you had your teeth cleaned?

Times are never too desperate for self-improvement.

We accept donations.

Food, water, gas, bullets, batteries. We also accept smiles

Please, enjoy the seated experience.

Up you go.

Well you look like you still have some large capable teeth.

That's great news.

How often would you say you floss?

This simple daily ritual can add

years of happiness and productivity.

A healthy mouth is

a healthy life.

The Mississippi sure ain't as mighty as it used to be.

We'll move faster on river than on foot.

We can take this south to Memphis and then head west.

Can't we find another one?

No.

You wanna help us out?

No, I don't.

By the way, I can't swim.

Whoa, whoa.

Easy! I don't want any trouble.

What are you doing here?

It's my boat.

Makes sense.

It's ours now.

What the hell? Now wait a minute.

I don't like this deal. Can we negotiate?

Hey, listen.

Listen, this boat ain't easy to operate.

Well plus, I know the river. The channel patterns.

I'd make a great asset.

Forget it.

You talk too much.

No, no, no, no, no, no, listen. I can keep quiet.

You won't hear a peep.

Can you take us south to Memphis?

Well hell yes.

Let's go.

I'll take you to the Gortner Bridge, just north of the city.

Road block on the East side keeps things pretty quiet.

After that, where you headed? East, West?

Shut up.

Sure thing.

Nothing worse than a blabber mouth that won't shut up.

It's kinda like back in the before.

I had this brother in law

Does this thing actually run?

I swear it ran as soon as yesterday.

10K, check the motor.

Oh thank you, young man.

Yeah, I got a stinger in my neck.

A lot of weakness in my upper extremities.

Hey, I think I know those dudes.

Oh my god. Is that

Sketchy and Skeezy.

Slow down, man.

Slowing down.

Hey, we're not slowing down.

Yeah. For once I agree with him.

Aye aye, sir.

Do what I tell you and slow down. Those are my friends.

Well is that really necessary?

Let's check it out.

Mistake.

Never get off the boat.

Doc!

Well I'll be damned!

Well if it ain't tweedle dee and tweedle dumb-ass.

Oh man. Your guys's timing is perfect.

What happened to him?

He fell in with the wrong crowd.

Hey, kid! You still shooting out the lights?

Yeah.

Great. Help us with this gear, will ya?

You're not bringing that on board.

Sir. With all due respect,

this is valuable booty worth about four weeks of road time.

You get one.

All right, we're taking this one.

Well what about the salt and pepper shakers?

I think they're in this one.

Now or never, boys.

Just so happens you caught us on the upswing.

Long gestating plans have been percolating

and coming into fruition all at once.

It's been a pretty good season for us.

Where the hell'd you find all that stuff?

Oh yeah, we stayed in Memphis for a bit.

Happened by a little bitty place. Maybe you've heard of it.

Former home of the King.

You looted Graceland?

Oh we cleaned the place out.

We had a couple of truckloads of authentic Elvis swag

until we ran into a little bit of trouble.

And if you were all the way in Memphis,

how was it that you ended up here?

Oh we took a river trail up north in Nebraska

where we ran into some angry Albanians who did not like us.

Skeezy here damn near lost a leg.

What happened?

They were gonna chop off my leg.

Damn.

It was nothing a little bit of discourse couldn't amend.

We're all just animals

looking for a connection.

Oh and plus we got them with "The Murphy."

Excuse me?

Yeah, it's just this thing we do.

It works cuz of Skeezy's passing resemblance.

Resemblance?

That so? And what exactly does "The Murphy" look like?

Over seven feet tall.

Red eyes.

Teeth like a mountain goat.

He walks around on all fours.

And he can blend into his surroundings like a chameleon.

Yeah, when we saw him in Louisiana, he was green as moss.

We saw him again a week later in Texas, and he looked like dirt.

You don't say.

He's dangerous as all hell.

I saw him turn a man inside out using his mind.

Literally. Guy's spleen just hanging out over his waistband.

Most people don't understand

Oh, I understand. You two are a a couple of lying morons

who spoiled a rather pleasant boat ride.

I resent that.

I've heard enough.

I'm throwing you both over.

No, no, no. Whoa, take it easy. Come on.

Come on, now.

You can't throw us in.

Look, there's zombie jams down river, okay?

It'd be like feeding us to piranhas.

Your stories just get dumber and dumber.

No, no, no, it's true. It's true.

All up and down the Mississippi.

They start in Lake Onalaska and they drift down.

Boys.

You're just digging a deeper hole.

I swear on my mother's eyes, Doc.

Zombie jam.

I told you!

Nobody ever believes us!

Guess we woke them up.

Zombies on board!

Bail out!

Doc!

Warren!

Where's your buddy?

Curtains.

Saw him go down.

He chose to sink while you and I chose to swim.

You know they say that drowning is actually a pretty good

way to go, which I would hope for.

Even though he's a coward for leaving me in the lurch.

You see my friends?

They were swimming west.

You saw this?

With my own eyes.

What about the blue guy?

Sunk to the bottom.

Are you positive?

Oh yeah.

He's getting turned away at the pearly gates right about now.

Doc?

Look man, I can't be sure. Okay?

Hey, you make fire?

Yeah.